How do I find me again?

krustylouise

Hi all,

Bit of a rambling post to be honest and I apologise in advance. I am 29, a Mummy to 1 DD {6}. I used to be outgoing bubbly enjoying going out with friends etc. I moved away from where my parents lived to start life with DD's dad. I had 3 jobs {1FT and 2 PT} and then I got pregnant with DD, so had to slow it down abit. I went off on maternity leave and then took 2 years off to raise DD {this was a joint decision}.

I became anxious {more so than I had ever been before} suffered panic attacks and agoraphobia and eventually struggled to even put the washing on the line outside for fear of leaving the house.

I bit the bullet, got a new PT job so I had to leave the house, DD's dad and I split up, DD started school and now I work FT again, and am with a new lovely man who I am marrying in October :j

BUT I now feel like I have no friends, no hobbies, nothing I truly enjoying doing just for me. I love spending time with DD and OH, but when they aren't around I either clean, cook or mope. I would LOVE to be the type of person who jogs/keeps fit but I get panicky when I workout because I go lightheaded {stupid fear I know}

I am always skint because I have bills to pay and a wedding to pay for. I seem to lose motivation very easily if I don't master things right away.

Do you guys have any suggestions or can you relate to this and what did you/would you do?

Thanks in advance and sorry again for such a long moaning post x

tea_lover

What sort of things do you enjoy - you say you had hobbies previously, what were they? Anything you might enjoy taking up again?

lindsaygalaxy

Now your DD is at school maybe start inviting her friends for a playdate with the mum coming around for a cuppa at the same time as they are still quite young? Do you get along with the people you work with - maybe suggest a drink out one evening? It is hard if you are not used to it and if you are like me in the winter prefer to stay in anyway! Also, have a look on your local netmums board, I made friends with children of a similar age on there before - there will be other people in the same boat.

heartbreak_star

If you would love to keep fit, start slowly - C25K is good for this. Also, do you eat properly and stay hydrated when you work out? If the light-headedness persists see your doc.

I love working out so that's the thing I can offer advice on haha

HBS x

krustylouise

tea_lover wrote: »

What sort of things do you enjoy - you say you had hobbies previously, what were they? Anything you might enjoy taking up again?

I used to go to the gym, or shopping with friends. I can't afford the gym and like I say working out now makes me anxious. I've been Mummy for so long I've lost all sense of what I enjoy doing. My group of friends has diminished somewhat too. They all have their own lives and I've fallen out with 2 of my closest friends over the past 2 years as I gained confidence, realised they were taking me for granted and moved on.

krustylouise

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Now your DD is at school maybe start inviting her friends for a playdate with the mum coming around for a cuppa at the same time as they are still quite young? Do you get along with the people you work with - maybe suggest a drink out one evening? It is hard if you are not used to it and if you are like me in the winter prefer to stay in anyway! Also, have a look on your local netmums board, I made friends with children of a similar age on there before - there will be other people in the same boat.

DD does have play dates, and actually had a friend over for tea on Tuesday last week, but their Mum's don't come round, and DD is starting a new school on 24th Feb so this may all change anyway. I do get on with people at work but they're all male and I know OH wouldn't appreciate me going out drinking with a group of all men! OH isn't the type to go out drinking and to be honest neither am I, I don't drink unless it's the odd one on occasion.

krustylouise

heartbreak_star wrote: »

If you would love to keep fit, start slowly - C25K is good for this. Also, do you eat properly and stay hydrated when you work out? If the light-headedness persists see your doc.

I love working out so that's the thing I can offer advice on haha

HBS x

I did start C25K but I work 8-3 and have DD every night with no-one to watch her, so I couldn't stick to the routine of it. I did ask my neighbour to watch her but she let me down on the first day!!!

I saw my Dr about the lightheadedness and she assured me it was normal due to my breathing xx

tea_lover

krustylouise wrote: »

I used to go to the gym, or shopping with friends. I can't afford the gym and like I say working out now makes me anxious. I've been Mummy for so long I've lost all sense of what I enjoy doing. My group of friends has diminished somewhat too. They all have their own lives and I've fallen out with 2 of my closest friends over the past 2 years as I gained confidence, realised they were taking me for granted and moved on.

You may not see it but that's actually a really positive and healthy thing - not that they were taking you for granted of course (!), but that you recognised it and decided to step away from them. You're better off with a few people in your life you can depend on, than a lot of 'friends' who actually make you feel worse about yourself.

krustylouise

tea_lover wrote: »

You may not see it but that's actually a really positive and healthy thing - not that they were taking you for granted of course (!), but that you recognised it and decided to step away from them. You're better off with a few people in your life you can depend on, than a lot of 'friends' who actually make you feel worse about yourself.

Yep, I was so scared of confrontation I would just keep quiet whilst they dumped their kids on me, invited themselves round while their kids destroyed my house and then they would leave without tidying up after them, or ask me to buy them a pregnancy test that costs £13 and not offer the money back, or asking me to watch their son and then not answer their phone or get in contact until 4pm the next day despite me telling them their son had been up vomiting in the night..... I could go on! :rotfl:

My life may be dull but its a lot less stressful these days!!! To be honest OH is my best friend

marisco_2

It's time to make a fresh start and that can be scary. Don't focus on trying to get back to who you used to be. Who do you want to be now? What are your interests? Take some classes. Learn something new. Join a club, cycling and running clubs can be very social, and exercise helps to improve a persons mood and sense of wellbeing. Consider doing some volunteering in a field that interests and stimulates you. All these things could bring you into contact with like minded people. The possibilities are endless but you have to get out there and be willing to try new things. It's ok if you don't like everything you try but you will be closer to finding "you".

Good luck and think of this as a new beginning. Make life an adventure rather than something to fear and be overwhelmed by.

krustylouise

marisco wrote: »

It's time to make a fresh start and that can be scary. Don't focus on trying to get back to who you used to be. Who do you want to be now? What are your interests? Take some classes. Learn something new. Join a club, cycling and running clubs can be very social, and exercise helps to improve a persons mood and sense of wellbeing. Consider doing some volunteering in a field that interests and stimulates you. All these things could bring you into contact with like minded people. The possibilities are endless but you have to get out there and be willing to try new things. It's ok if you don't like everything you try but you will be closer to finding "you".

Good luck and think of this as a new beginning. Make life an adventure rather than something to fear and be overwhelmed by.

I fear everything!!! Honestly I'm too scared to drink, smoke, take drugs {even prescription drugs} i have panic attacks when I drive, I used to have them when I shopped, exercised, eating out, everything. It doesn't stop me trying some of these things {obviously not the drugs, drinking or smoking!} and slowly I am becoming numb to the fear, but it is difficult sometimes.

The other difficulty I face is finding the time, with working full time and being a full time single Mummy {I don't live with OH yet we're waiting until we're married} I don't have much time. I don't have any family to watch DD either and she only goes to see her Dad 1 night a week {and even then he sometimes lets us down!}