Tell me I'm right not to rush marriage for this reason

Melaniep101

HPoirot wrote: »

You are concentrating on the day instead of what matters.

Your father won't miss a wedding if it is not to happen, but you may sure regret getting married if you think now it is too soon.

I think HPoirot hits the nail on the head.

A marriage is more than a wedding day.

I'm sorry that your Dad's health is deteriorating, it must be very hard on you and your family, but getting married now seems like a bad idea to me. If you have any doubts about it, then it's not the right decision/time.

Slinky

I'm sure your Dad would hate to know that he was the reason for you rushing into a marriage you're not 100% sure about, particularly since you've been married before.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Pushing someone into a marriage they aren't sure they want now is as much controlling behaviour as I would need to be running for the hills.

Do you really want to remember feeling press ganged into it as you look back at your wedding photos - or do you want to remember it as an incredibly happy, joyous time?

Brighton_belle

Ostrich - I faced the situation a couple of years ago of my dad's health fading with memory loss/dementia. By the time we married he wasn't quite my dad anymore.
My take on this is that you need to wait until you are absolutely ready to marry your OH and they the issues you have been working on together have been resolved fully. Your dad would want to see you have a long and happy married in a strong partnership I am sure.
What I would recommend is to start building a memory bank of special moments with your dad that you can carry with you on you wedding day, when ever that might be. I'm talking a about little special glances and smiles he gives you from now on. Loving things he might do or say. Or a joke you are able to share. Hold on to them in my mind.
Also if you ever imagine how your wedding day might be, start imagining it with how your dad is rather than how you would have loved him to be. That way, you will create a new fantasy in your head where the smallest of positives things will be very special.
My dad couldn't make a speech or say much, but I have a wonderful memory of the day after our wedding when he just looked me straight in the eyes with such love and held it. That's a very special 'wedding' memory for me.

Beckyy

I'm guessing your Dad would want you to be happy, and you don't need to be married to do it. If he is 'the one' then you've got the rest of your lives to fit it in somewhere, and rather spend the time and money enjoying some time together (and with your family) first.

If you make the wrong decision a seperation and divorce would be much more stressful for you, and your father.

ostrichnomore_2

Thanks for all the advice and damn good talking-tos! It was a moment of madness and it has passed.

Special thanks to those who shared their experiences and advice re my Dad and Alzheimers. Sad days but it's important to focus on the positive as much as possible. Have a lovely memory now of Dad coming out for a meal for my birthday along with mum and OH. Took a lot of persuasion as he's not left the house for months, in fact only about twice in over a year (apart from to Doctors), and it means a lot to me that he was able to and made the effort, and had a nice time once he was actually out. A pretty 'normal' time with him for once. Damn should have taken a photo of him and mum all dressed up.

DigForVictory

So go out for another meal, and have a photographer organised.

On a nice day so the family has a happy time & the photos can be photoshopped if you want.
Or just cradled with smiles at the good memories.