Tell me I'm right not to rush marriage for this reason

pops5588

ostrichnomore wrote: »

But it would mean so much to have the memories of my Dad there.

But I also think you know that this is not the right reason to get married.

ostrichnomore_2

I think I'm just feeling upset about Dad today and starting thinking about this. What with it being Valentine's day and feeling all romantic too.

Not the right thing to do. I know.

I needed some sense talked into me.

Thank you.

maman

RAS wrote: »

Wait. 10 months is far too soon to be rushing into marriage.

You can always get some pics of you and OH and dad together if you do decide to marry.

I think that's the best advice. Whenever (and if ever) you decide to marry your current partner your dad will be with you in your memory.


You'll always find exceptions but I think 'marry in haste, repent at leisure' rings true.

HPoirot

You are concentrating on the day instead of what matters.

Your father won't miss a wedding if it is not to happen, but you may sure regret getting married if you think now it is too soon.

ostrichnomore_2

Yep, you are all right. This is an important time to really get to know each other and iron out any wrinkles before we take the plunge.

(Have update the thread on finances as there is some progress. Need to see it in action for a while though, of course).

Mojisola

RAS wrote: »

Wait. 10 months is far too soon to be rushing into marriage.

In this case, it may be.

From meeting to getting married was a shorter time than that for us and we're still going strong, 30+ years later.

There do seem to be issues in ostrichnomore's relationship which need resolving before a wedding is arranged.

marisco_2

I am so sorry that you are in the awful position of watching the dad you love, suffer from an illness that you know will lead to the ever increasing deterioration of his health. That must be horrendous for you. Especially so as the direction your life is going in now, means that you are looking to the future and considering marrying your partner, once you feel 100% sure of him and what you share together. It is only natural that your thoughts turn to your dad and that you question how he will be in a year or so.

Every woman who has been lucky enough to enjoy a fantastic relationship with their dad as they have grown up, wants him to be at their wedding to give her away and play a major part in all the celebrations. That alone is not reason enough though to take such a huge life changing step. Reading between the lines of your post I think you know deep down that your dear old dad would tell you the same thing. This may not be for you but it could be worthwhile looking into counselling, to help you come to terms with what the future may bring. I wish you all the best.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

In this case, it may be.

From meeting to getting married was a shorter time than that for us and we're still going strong, 30+ years later.

There do seem to be issues in ostrichnomore's relationship which need resolving before a wedding is arranged.

I'm sure it would still have worked out if you'd waited a bit though.

Comyface

I'm not married (never have been), but my twopenneth is 'marry in haste, repent at leisure'. And the fact that you're asking the question, I think means you should not.

My parents met in the November and married in the following April and were happy for almost 40 years before my Dad passed away. So I know it can work but I believe they were the exception, rather than the rule.

If I do ever marry my Dad won't be there, but I'll always have my other memories. Xx

Silver-Cat

Its sometimes easy to get swept in the valentines moment as well and I know I've done that in the past too but as others have said, you've mentioned concerns in your other threads.

You don't need to get married to prove to someone you love them and it sounds like you both are still at the getting to know each other stage.

Why not just relax and enjoy being together? When you are sure you are totally ready to marry him well you can enjoy it then and when you are ready well I doubt you'd be asking us on here!

Don't get married just because of your lovely dad. As others have said he'd be unlikely to be pleased knowing you'd done it for him as well.

Of course none of us know you and your family and your partner. The most important thing for you to remember is that when you are ready you are making the choice that is right for you.