Does fair always have to mean equal?

ska_lover

Your parents sound very nice generous people OP.

I dont think that fair has to be equal, and whilst thinking about it, the support my parents offered me and my siblings was always 'taylor made' to suit whatever we needed. I am better with money than one of my siblings so whilst one of my siblings has had a fair bit of assistance with money in the past, from our parents, - I haven't - because I haven't needed it.

marisco_2

Oh my what a totally heart warming thread OP. You clearly share a very close and loving relationship with your family, with mutual respect and consideration playing a major part in your connection with each other. I agree with you that there is absolutely no need for your parents to adjust their will. Their generosity means that both yourself and your brother are enabled to take your first steps on the property ladder. That one of you may need a little more financial support to do this than the other, does not mean you are not being treated equally. It may take a bit of time before they can come round to that way of thinking though. Parents the world over feel just as yours do, and go out of their way to keep everything completely fair and balanced between their children, often down to the last penny. Even when as in your case there is no need for them to do so.

peachyprice

LittleMrsThrifty wrote: »

My parents are clearly trying to do the right thing by both of us which I really admire, but in their eyes if it isn't equal it isn't fair. I will try to reassure them that we're not children dividing a packet of sweets - they can be fair to both of us without giving us equal amounts.

Just tell them if they change their will to give you more than your brother, once you have the money you're going to divide it 50/50 anyway

poet123

marisco wrote: »

Oh my what a totally heart warming thread OP. You clearly share a very close and loving relationship with your family, with mutual respect and consideration playing a major part in your connection with each other. I agree with you that there is absolutely no need for your parents to adjust their will. Their generosity means that both yourself and your brother are enabled to take your first steps on the property ladder. That one of you may need a little more financial support to do this than the other, does not mean you are not being treated equally. It may take a bit of time before they can come round to that way of thinking though. Parents the world over feel just as yours do, and go out of their way to keep everything completely fair and balanced between their children, often down to the last penny. Even when as in your case there is no need for them to do so.

:T

I agree with all the above. It is hard being a parent and being seen to be fair is sometimes one of the hardest parts of it.

KiKi

Fair does not equate to equal, no.

However, parents worry about these things. My parents took money from one of my sisters to invest in their house when she moved in with them. They've changed their will to ensure that on the sale of the house she gets her money back first with some interest, before the rest is shared equally between the three of us.

They went to PAINS to ensure me and my other sister know about this - and the reason behind it is because, despite the fact that we're all very sensible, when loved ones die, people can act irrationally and get upset about things they wouldn't normally get upset about. So they want to make sure we feel that we knew about it and don't feel hard done by.

I'd like to think it wouldn't upset me, but I suppose if I was grieving I might react differently, so I understand why they're so worried about making sure we're all okay with the arrangement!!

meritaten

to me being fair means you give each child what they need when they need it. it evens out over time.

MrsE_2

I think your parents sound lovely.

Would you agreeing to the will adjustment make them feel better?

As a mother I think it would me.

Bennifred

meritaten wrote: »

to me being fair means you give each child what they need when they need it. it evens out over time.

It doesn't necessarily even out over time. It might depend on the nature of the "child" - some are more independent and others greedy. The parent doesn't always see that.:(

Mojisola

LittleMrsThrifty wrote: »

I have one brother and currently neither of us own a house. My parents have, very kindly, given us both some money towards a deposit. Not mega bucks, but enough to help toward a deposit.

For various reasons I have more money in savings than my brother does, and I also earn more.

He is struggling to find anywhere he can afford to buy and so my parents have offered him a little bit more money to help him out.

However, they can't then afford to give me the same and are worrying about the lack of equality so they have said that, if it is okay with me, they will amend their will so that it evens out when the time comes.

How would your parents take it if you said that their idea was that both of you should get on the housing ladder - if your brother needs a bit more cash to get there, the end result is the same - you both have a home. That's where the "equality" lies if they want to think of it like that.

If they want to change their wills - and they may worry that you may not feel so generous towards your brother after their deaths - you can always do a deed of variation if you want to.

lostinrates

Bennifred wrote: »

It doesn't necessarily even out over time. It might depend on the nature of the "child" - some are more independent and others greedy. The parent doesn't always see that.:(

I think it still evens out. The 'child' who is less greedy still ends up with more. Not everything can be measured in financial terms. Would you swap to have the same personal attributes and more money or your own lack of greed and less inheritance or stud from your parents in this scenario?