Would you speak to the school?

GobbledyGook

Indie_Kid wrote: »

So, what happens to this girl if your DD isn't at school? It would be fairer if all pupils in her classes were encouraged (not forced; as appears to be the case here) to be friends and do things with this girl.

She sits outside the office like she has done since she started I assume.

She's not out in the playground because her parents thought she should have a 1-to-1 adult with her, but the school simply don't have the staff for that.

I think this teacher has thought "well X is in and Y is in for the same reasons so they should be in together".

It sounds good in theory, but I'm annoyed things have been changed without any discussion.

marisco_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

DD2 got a new teacher after Christmas and she appears to be trying extremely hard to foster a friendship between DD and another child.

Good on you for raising your daughter to respect herself enough, to not be limited by her health problems, or to see them as an excuse to behave in ways you have taught her are inappropriate. She must be turning into a lovely, well rounded and confident little girl. I can understand your misgivings about this friendship that she is being encouraged to have. It is not for teachers to interfere with a child's natural selection of who is in their friendship groups. Especially so if any connection could be detrimental to the wellbeing of either child.

I would advise you to go along and raise your concerns with the teacher. Explain clearly and calmly why you feel it is not of benefit for your daughter to be so strongly encouraged to have this child as a friend. Find out from the teacher what their reasoning is for doing this. I am a primary teacher and occasionally if children in my class have issues with each other then I do arrange 'buddy times' for them. For instance my teaching assistant may have lunch with them both and encourage relaxed interaction. Then take them off to a lunch time club, and get them talking and playing games which involve sharing or turn taking. This may go on for a few days by which time they are more accepting of each others individuality. If they don't get on from then on in they can at least rub along and stay out of trouble. Short, sharp intervention like that should be the extent to which teachers get involved with children's relationships with their peers to be honest. Anything beyond that isn't appropriate.

I hope the teacher will be happy to discuss this with you, and that you can reach agreement together, on how best to proceed with things from here on in that you feel happy with.

GobbledyGook

See Marisco I wouldn't mind that sort of thing. I don't even mind them being together when they are both in occasionally.

I'll stay calm as I know there is nothing to be gained by being ranty.

I'm just so annoyed they've changed things without any discussion. For example sometimes my DD would curl up for a nap in the Depute's office (the other kids are there because they're in bother and she's a scary lady!) because it's relatively quiet. I have no idea now if she's been able to take a nap if she needed it. I've thought the fact that she hasn't said 'I slept at playtime' has been a good thing, but now I'm wondering is that why she's been utterly shattered after school?

It took us a fair amount of time when she started the school to get a good balance for her (her attendance in her first term was 51% to give you an idea). This has worked and now it's been changed without any consultation with me, and mostly without any real discussion with DD.

I know we ask a lot from the school, but it's not my fault they don't get the SEN help that they really should have. I do everything I can to support them and I very, very, very rarely go against the school (only once in the entire time my girls have been at school). My OH calls me old fashioned because if they come home telling me they got in bother at school then they get in bother at home as well.

Y has been isolated by her parents as much as their health and as mean as it is I don't want my little one isolated by being Y's only friend. I had enough of that when I started school being the smelly kid.

Thanks again everyone! Much appreciated. You're all so much more reasoned than my over-protective other half who is the "I'll go down to that school and tell that teacher" type. Hence why he doesn't get to go very often!

Gemma x

theoretica

I think it is very reasonable for you to have a word - personally I would suggest making it as much about your daughter as possible and little about Y at least to start unless the conversation turns that way - you want your daughter integrated with her class where possible and when not both you and she prefer that she is in the office where she reads and naps as necessary.

I feel rather sorry for Y and think providing her with a break time companion is an excellent idea, so long as any burden is proportionately shared. But this is not your business - or mine!

marisco_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

She also very randomly asked if she and Y seen the same doctors because they are the same.

The kids were kept in today for weather reasons and normally DD would stay with her class, but today she was sent down by her teacher to sit with Y so that Y wasn't lonely.

As a teacher it is totally inappropriate to engage a child in any discussion, which discloses anything confidential about another child. The fact that your daughter may know of or recognise things, that suggest this other child has a similar condition to herself does not change this. Is this new teacher newly qualified? She sounds very inexperienced.

I also find it very concerning that your daughter is the one being sent to keep this child company. I have a niggling worry that stopping this child from being lonely is not the real reason this is happening. The teacher may think that as your child has a similar condition she would recognise quickly if there was about to be any impending problem. The teacher is putting her in a position of responsibility that she should not be in, and with all due respect is not old enough to handle.

GobbledyGook

Had a quick chat with the Teacher and then the Deputy Head had a word with DD2 while I was there.

To say I'm not happy is putting it mildly. They are having a meeting at the moment then I'm in to see the DH on Monday morning.

marisco_2

Could you explain why you are not happy so as maybe we can offer useful insight and possible solutions. Or would this compromise your position about this situation in some way?

CH27

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Had a quick chat with the Teacher and then the Deputy Head had a word with DD2 while I was there.

To say I'm not happy is putting it mildly. They are having a meeting at the moment then I'm in to see the DH on Monday morning.

What did the DH say to your daughter that's annoyed you so much?

GobbledyGook

Sorry I was going to have a big long rant post and then I went for a cup of tea first to try and reign myself in a bit. I didn't mean to be so cryptic.

It's not the DH I'm annoyed at. It's the teacher and the situation.

Basically DD hasn't been out to play since after the Christmas holidays. Nor does it seem she's been allowed to stay with her classmates when they've been in at break times (which is fairly frequently given the weather we've had). It seems this new teacher has taken it upon herself to change things set in place for DD's benefit for Y's benefit without any consultation with anyone. The DH was under the impression it was DD's idea to sit with Y. It has taken away DD's chance to rest/nap as the twice she has it turns out Y has prodded her awake. They've also been sat together at lunchtimes which as the packed lunch supervisor seats the children appears to be something they've been asked to do as it'd be a bit bizarre to get the same person every day pretty much.


However the good thing is the girls are off next week so there is a break from school. The DH is in school as they are merging with another school after the summer and there's loads to be done so I'm pleased that she's happy to speak to me even though she could have easily said to wait until the next week. DD told her that her and her sister are going to stay with my cousin for a few days so she knew I'd only have DS which makes a meeting easier.

So I'm livid with the teacher. Impressed by the DH's quick handling (and the way she managed to ask DD lots of questions without DD realising that their chat was an interrogation!) and anxious to see what comes of it.

GobbledyGook

I'm mostly annoyed with myself. She has mentioned Y more than normal and I simply didn't pick up on it and I feel like I should have. DD1 also mentioned Y with regards to the lunch room a few times and I didn't think anything of it.