How much is 'enough' for a single pensioner?

whodathunkit

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

~Errrm....wry look probably on my face at the thought of her being empathetic. Reason being...she must know she is basically grabbing her stepkids inheritance and blowing the lot on herself. That doesn't sound particularly empathetic to me to spend someone else's money like that.

As to what a pensioner can live on. My own personal income is currently pretty much to the £ what I would have if it were State Pension Credit and any "bits and bobs" (like heating allowance) thrown in. I think I'm managing to live on this. I cant be quite sure whether I'm using my savings to help myself out a bit here. I've been having to do this for some months (courtesy of having retired at my Retirement Age, but my revised SPA is higher than that).

I couldn't live on that indefinitely, as sooner or later I will definitely need to have my spare income back again...as clothes and other possessions need replacing and for any unexpected expenses to come up.

My income will return to normal (ie low) when I get the rest of my pension and that will be around £1,200 per month. I think that should be enough to live on then (bearing in mind I don't require money for rent or mortgage any more and shop around for cheapest utility and insurance suppliers). I won't be gadding around the world on my full normal income and still wouldn't be able to afford a car and its just as well I don't require money for being a smoker/having grandchildren or having pets.

I don't think most people would consider £1,200pcm to be a low income in retirement, with no mortgage or rent to pay. Are you the OP's MIL?:rotfl:

Pollycat

Maybe the OP should show her MIL the replies she's had.

Perhaps that would give this silly, selfish air-headed woman the dollop of reality she definitely needs to recognise the potential financial nightmare she's heading for if she doesn't wise up.
But I doubt it.

I agree totally with this.

Katiehound wrote: »

All I can say is "Good luck" but I think you should worry more about yourselves, keeping your own finances going and your sanity in tact and let what will be, be.

I've not read any of the OP's threads about her own financial situation but she must be a saint to be worrying about this person when her and her OH are having to tighten their belts.

Mr_Young

Hi Parsimonia!

Before I started saving for my pensions I had a little look at a retirement calculator. carehomefeesplanning .co.uk

Just made me regret that I didn't start saving sooner haha.

Good luck to your family and I hope your husband is able to work out his benefit!

Parsimonia

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

She's being very selfish, isn't she, squandering her stepsons' inheritance when it was their father's money in the first place. Would it make any difference if you pointed that out to her, seeing as you say she is 'empathetic'?

I must admit I think she's being disgracefully selfish, especially when 3 of the 4 people whose inheritance is being squandered have very significant health issues. Whilst my hubby will be fine as he has me to support him (financially, emotionally and physically), the two step-sons are struggling quite a bit in every sense (including financially), and I think she's doing a shameful and disgraceful thing in putting her need to be attractive, fashionable and comfortable above their need to have a secure future.

However, I'm the DIL not the daughter, so it doesn't seem to be my place to speak the home truths that need to be spoken very loudly!

Pollycat wrote: »

Does she understand that she only has £4,600 in savings?

TBH, she sounds a right nightmare.
She 'relented' and 'allowed' you to take her credit cards?
Really?

And you say she asked for your help.
She doesn't want your help.
She wants you to wave a magic wand and make everything alright.
If you can't do that (and if you can, there's lots of people who would be happy for your help ), then it will be your fault, not hers.

MIL or not, I would not put up with being slagged off to her friends when you're trying to help.
Talking of friends, what do they think of her? They're all well heeled, so they encourage her spending.
Do they think she's got wads of spare cash? Yes, because she acts like Hyacinth Bouquet, and gives the impression she's loaded.
Do they encourage her to spend, spend, spend? Unfortunately yes.
Can't any of those friends get through to this thoroughly silly woman? None of them know the real situation - I'm amazed she told us what she has as she's very secretive. I'm not convinced even now that we've uncovered the worst of it.


She needs to realise just how lucky she is.

Yes, agreed. But needing to realise, and having the penny drop are worlds apart!

Parsimonia

Katiehound wrote: »

Sorry, it sounds to me that the only experience she has of financial dealings are of the profligate kind!! She knows how to waste money, spend money like no tomorrow but actually live within her means? no chance! It also sounds like that's what she has been doing all her life and I very much doubt that you, or anyone else is going to change that pattern. Maybe the stepsons should be stepping in here to ask about their future inheritance, which is as unlikely as a blue moon (the inheritance I mean)!

I don't think the step-sons really know how bad it is. Hubby and his sister have tried to point out that her behaviour is morally dubious and unethical, but it's water off a duck's back. For the past year or so she's being deliberately trying to pick fights with the two step-sons so that she can break off all relations with them...then she thinks they'll just forget about the house, or decide not to pursue it. One said something a bit sharp to her a few months ago, and her immediate response was 'Right, if they think they're inheriting a penny when I'm gone they're in for a nasty shock'....so I think she's being unpleasant on purpose to provoke them into retaliating, so that she can feel that she's taking the moral high ground by disinheriting them.

This makes her sound like a MONSTER...but she's a nice person deep down. The gnawing need to keep on spending to keep both herself and her house looking nice is poisoning her innate good nature...

Katiehound wrote: »

It seems that the proberb "leading a horse to water" is highly relevant. You can show her ways to save money but I don't think she is going to be swayed. It's a lot easier for someone who has experienced life without money in the past to make savings: if you have always been well heeled then you won't have learned.

That's what I'm worried about! She has been well-heeled since she married for the first time at 19...since then, she's just spent-spent-spent with no thought of the consequences. Luckily she's had two adoring husbands who have been able to bail her out (to a degree).

Katiehound wrote: »

All I can say is "Good luck" but I think you should worry more about yourselves, keeping your own finances going and your sanity in tact and let what will be, be.

Thanks- I think we need all the luck we can get to sort out this mess!

Parsimonia

getmore4less wrote: »

but we're not sure if she's able to do that given that her 2nd husband wrote a will leaving her a life interest in the house, but after she dies the estate is theoretically to be split into 4 equal parts

Who are the trustees?

Depending on the terms of the trust they may have been negligent.

One of the trustees is her eldest stepson...the other a family friend. The house that was left 'in trust' was sold with the knowledge and consent of both stepsons...but I don't think they know what she's planning re selling the remaining property.

Parsimonia

Pollycat wrote: »

Maybe the OP should show her MIL the replies she's had.

I've shown all the replies to my husband, who agrees with every word. The problem is that he loves her to bits, and doesn't know what to say to get through to her.

We pointed out to her that, after we've paid our mortgage, bills and council tax, we'll have a budget for everything else of £100 a week once hubby's benefit stops....we told her that that was a manageable income, and that we were luckier than many.

We thought that pointing out the difference between her income and ours would make her take stock and realise how lucky she is...but it didn't.

It's like an illness...she knows she's in a mess, but the craving to spend money (and the excuses to justify doing so) are just unstoppable. I've never known anyone with an addiction before, but I'm guessing it must be a bit like this....

Parsimonia

Mr_Young wrote: »

Hi Parsimonia!

Before I started saving for my pensions I had a little look at a retirement calculator. carehomefeesplanning .co.uk

Just made me regret that I didn't start saving sooner haha.

Good luck to your family and I hope your husband is able to work out his benefit!

OMG, I just read this and now I'm totally horrified! Thank God she's in good health at the moment - I'll have to run her over if she starts to go ga-ga or gets infirm - there's no way in the world we could afford these types of fees, and since both she and we live in one bedroom properties, there's absolutely no way she could move in with us or vice versa, even if I was retired.

I've promised I'll care for her and nurse her if and when she does need it...but now I'm REALLY worried! And there's no way that hubby could help, given his own medical issues.

OK, going off for a lie down in a dark room now....:o

Errata

I've promised I'll care for her and nurse her if and when she does need it...but now I'm REALLY worried! And there's no way that hubby could help, given his own medical issues

That's all well and good, but I can think of umpteen scenarios where caring and nursing care are totally behond the skills, knowledge and ability of someone who has no experience of what that may involve.
I think you need to be honest with yourself about what's achievable Doing otherwise means you're living in cloud cuckoo land.

Pollycat

Parsimonia
I think the post by Mr Young is :spam:

Why would anyone post a link to carehome fees when that has never been mentioned in the thread?

Parsimonia wrote: »

I don't think the step-sons really know how bad it is. Hubby and his sister have tried to point out that her behaviour is morally dubious and unethical, but it's water off a duck's back. For the past year or so she's being deliberately trying to pick fights with the two step-sons so that she can break off all relations with them...then she thinks they'll just forget about the house, or decide not to pursue it. One said something a bit sharp to her a few months ago, and her immediate response was 'Right, if they think they're inheriting a penny when I'm gone they're in for a nasty shock'....so I think she's being unpleasant on purpose to provoke them into retaliating, so that she can feel that she's taking the moral high ground by disinheriting them.

This makes her sound like a MONSTER...but she's a nice person deep down. The gnawing need to keep on spending to keep both herself and her house looking nice is poisoning her innate good nature...

If she's treating the stepsons as you say she is, then I can't see how anyone could say she's a nice person. :eek:
This comment below - plus your reference to 'gnawing need to keep on spending - must tell you that it is an addiction.

Parsimonia wrote: »

It's like an illness...she knows she's in a mess, but the craving to spend money (and the excuses to justify doing so) are just unstoppable. I've never known anyone with an addiction before, but I'm guessing it must be a bit like this....