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bloolagoon

Is she in a relationship with the 17 year old?

Does her school attendance pattern co incide with when he is at home/available to see her?

Is this her first love?

vulcan1964

You are not the perfect parent, no one is a perfect parent they don't exist.

You have got to realise that your DD is growing up and rebelling.

All parents will go through this stage with their teenagers, all you can do is love them the best you can and hope it works out.

scotsbob

The problem clearly lies with the company she is keeping. Placing restrictions on her will only encourage her and her friends to find ways to circumvent them and this will strengthen their bond. It will be them against you

As a former teacher I have seen this so many times and it is nearly always abigger problem in single parent families, for the reason you give. You are not at home when she finishes school

You have to try to encourage her to have friends who have a more positive influence on her.

Instead of escalating the restrictions try to use positive reinforcement. If she co-operates then she gets such and such.

Good luck.

VfM4meplse

You have to get to the bottom of this business with the 17yo, OP. Hunt him down.

Whilst your daughter thinks she can make her own choices, she is technically a child under your care, and what she does is very much your business. Don't let him rob her of her childhood with his bad habits.

If more people took an appropriate interest in what their charges' got up to, the p*edophile rings wouldn't have been able to thrive in the way they did.

jonewer

scotsbob wrote: »

Instead of escalating the restrictions try to use positive reinforcement. If she co-operates then she gets such and such.
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^^^^^^^^^^this

Iamanae

Sorry for the late reply.


I have asked DD about drugs and she's promised that she hasn't tried them, and since she has been so open about the drinking and smoking, then I think she is telling the truth here.


I cannot think of anything that has happened, there hasn't been anything in the family anyway. she has fallen out with her friends from junior school but I don't know if that's because of these new friends or because of the falling out she has drifted towards these new friends.

Iamanae

There has been a few pound disappearing from my purse, at first I thought it was just me miscounting or not remembering buying something, but then it happened when I knew exactly what was there, and it was still short. she promises it wasn't her but with everything else going on I'm not sure I believe her.


she said the 17 year old boy has bought her a packets of cigarettes.


scotsbob, I think you are right, treats for doing the right thing might be the best way to look at it.


I have tried what professor yaffle suggests though and have told her she can earn money, but all I get is 'I don't care' especially if walking the dog is mentioned.

madvixen

Iamanae wrote: »

she is only 14 and I and at my wits end, I have stopped her pocket money, but a 17 year old boy keeps giving her money, I have grounded her but I don't get home from work until 2 hours after she leaves school, so cant enforce it properly, and have no one else to look after her.

Out of everything you have posted, I find this the most worrying. Why is he giving her money and what is he expecting in return? Have you considered talking to the local police and asking their advice.

thrifties

My daughter was bullied at that age, there may be a bully at school that your daughter is afraid of, hence trying to fit in to avoid being the next vicfim. Bullies rule ny fear.

meritaten

I agree with madvixen - this 17 year old boy is behind this. To a 14 yr old girl a 'boyfriend' who is 17 is a huge 'cachet'! it puts her right up there on street cred. so she is trying to 'behave' like a 16 year old. he prob isn't at her school - and that is why she is 'late' or skipping classes. to sneak off to see him. he gives her money now THAT is worrying! smacks to me of 'grooming'. you need to find out everything you can about this 'boy'.