Help

DannyBo

Put her up for adoption, these people are far too busy saving the world to respond.

Bublin1

Talk to the teachers at school and express your concerns. I know most schools have mentors so maybe they can ask one of them to talk to her.

FBaby

I would seriously consider whether something serious has happened to her. Kids who suddenly go off the rail often had something troubling triggering it. Not always, but in the vast majority of the cases.

I would focus my attention at trying to assess whether this might be the case before going tough on her. It might something you don't suspect at all, and she might not want to open up, so not easy.

marisco_2

I would recommend trying to have a calm and very open chat with your daughter first, to establish all that is going on for her, before approaching anyone else for outside assistance. By showing her that you respect her and are wanting to understand her thoughts and feelings, you may encourage her to be far more amiable to working with you. If you get nowhere with this approach then contact her school. They will want to try and help. It is in their interest for their students to be attending, settling and making the most of all the learning opportunities they should be offering. Many schools also have what is known as parent support workers linked to them. They can be very helpful in advising parents on how to handle the tricky teenage years.

One other thing that I haven't seen mentioned so far but that I feel is important to raise. You mention you daughter has advised she is drinking and smoking and in contact with an older boy. Your concern is that she may become sexually active but have you considered the other worry that she might be taking drugs? Such a sudden change in conduct and attitude in a normally happy and stable child can be down to this. I am hoping to be wrong and that what she is going through is just down to teenage rebellion.

Confuseddot

Does she have a hobby something outside school that you could encourage ?

Removal of phone internet etc until she behaves more responsibly ... Or is there something that she wants that could be a reward for continued good behaviour ...

Maybe get her to think about how she sees herself in 10 years and what she would like to be doing and then how her actions today can help or hinder her achieving her goals ?

Good luck

jonewer

Iamanae wrote: »

but in the last 6 months she has been getting detention after detention, skipping classes, being late even though she sets off at the same time as usual. she has admitted that she has started smoking, and drinking, and I'm worried that she might soon experiement sexually.

Sounds normal for a teenager.

Iamanae wrote: »

I have stopped her pocket money

Dont. Do. That.

Impoverishing your teenager is going to make them struggle even more with their self esteem and they will try even harder to 'fit in'. They are going to become even more sullen and resentful. You will probably find that they will resort to whatever means they can find to have the same spending power as their peers.

My parents cut my pocket money to a fraction of what my friends were getting. Result? I stole money from my mum's handbag.

Bad. bad. bad. bad. bad times indeed.

**professor~yaffle**

I presume there's no father around or anyone else who can help you with her behaviour?

Where is she getting the money from to get fags and booze, and more to the point who is selling them to a 14 year old? If it's the 17-year-old boy someone needs to go round and have a word with him.

If it's the school environment that's contributing to this teenage behaviour, I don't know if there's much you can do, other than try and send her somewhere better. You'd be amazed the kids who misbehave, as soon as they're put in a different environment and with a different peer group the change in attitude and behaviour is remarkable.

amistupid

I remember my fourteen year old daughter coming home from school in a rage.

"We've had sex education today and you lied to me dad!" she screamed. "You told me if I have sex before I'm sixteen my boyfriend would die!"

"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will." I replied.

**professor~yaffle**

jonewer wrote: »

Dont. Do. That.

Impoverishing your teenager is going to make them struggle even more with their self esteem and they will try even harder to 'fit in'. They are going to become even more sullen and resentful. You will probably find that they will resort to whatever means they can find to have the same spending power as their peers.

My parents cut my pocket money to a fraction of what my friends were getting. Result? I then chose to steal money from my mum's handbag.

Bad. bad. bad. bad. bad times indeed.

How about the daughter 'earns' her pocket money? If she does some housework while her mum's out trying to earn a living, or she does her homework, she walks the dog, etc. All these things will give her a sense of responsibility and better self-esteem than if mum simply gives her money.

jonewer

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

How about the daughter 'earns' her pocket money? If she does some housework while her mum's out trying to earn a living, or she does her homework, she walks the dog, etc. All these things will give her a sense of responsibility and better self-esteem than if mum simply gives her money.

That might work.

With regards to your edit - its certainly not something I'm proud of but I think its a powerful feature of teenage psychology. In my case, I chose to steal from my mother. In the OP's DD's case, she is choosing to take money from an older boy.

All I'm saying is that stopping a teenager's money is going to exacerbate problem behaviour, not prevent it.

I cant say for sure what it was that got through to me in the end (and I was horrendous teenager), but I think it was my dad saying that in a couple of years I would be out on my own and that I needed to get some qualifications because the world didnt owe me a living.