Mum in hospital - advice needed

downshifter98

Thanks for kind words SandraScarlett

A bit stressful but this has all been coming for a long time. The care that Mum has received at home up to this point has been generally good and they coped well until relatively recently - the past few months Mum has just become overwhelmed physically and mentally with it all. Perhaps I'm hoping that Mum will be forced into care as she won't accept it voluntarily - we will see. As it is Dad wants her home but does realise, I think, that the inevitable is coming - in the long run care might benefit both of them. I just hope the 'system' doesn't treat us all too badly.

Morglin

Full info:

http://www.housingcare.org/downloads/kbase/3092.pdf

Lin

PS: after the financial assessment, by Social Services, check the figures carefully - they kept getting ours wrong and it took ages to get them to sort it out.

Morglin

downshifter98 wrote: »

Thanks for kind words SandraScarlett

A bit stressful but this has all been coming for a long time. The care that Mum has received at home up to this point has been generally good and they coped well until relatively recently - the past few months Mum has just become overwhelmed physically and mentally with it all. Perhaps I'm hoping that Mum will be forced into care as she won't accept it voluntarily - we will see. As it is Dad wants her home but does realise, I think, that the inevitable is coming - in the long run care might benefit both of them. I just hope the 'system' doesn't treat us all too badly.

We had the same problem. First of all she had home Carers (she had advanced Dementia, then fell and broke her hip, and ended up helpless in a wheelchair, doubly incontinent, as the physio's didn't bother to try and help her to walk, as she was (their words) 'over 80 and had Dementia anyway'...:mad:

It was ok for a while, notwithstanding the ongoing saga of Carers....:eek: ....but Dad is mid eighties, I am disabled, so couldn't help much, and the physical moving etc., got too much, along with the Dementia.

So, we tried respite, but eventually, it became a Health and Safety issue for the pair of them, and a home was the only choice.

He still feels bad, but she did get great care, right up until she died.

It was better for the pair of them, and he could visit whenever he liked, although she didn't know who any of us were anyway.

Lin

Mojisola

I'm with MargaretClare on this - your mother will be much better off in a nursing home - not a residential care home but a nursing home.

With her health needs, everything should be paid for although you might have to fight to get it.

It will be so much better for you father - he could go and spend every day with her if he wanted to but come home to a good night's sleep every night. His health will deteriorate if he tries to keep up with what he's doing.

Read up on information about care homes on the AgeUK site. Talk to their local office. Visit a few nursing homes in the area and see if there's any you prefer.

margaretclare

downshifter98 wrote: »

Mum has a catheter and a pressure mattress (at home and in the hospital). The bedsores have only got more severe as she has become more bed bound over the past few months (she has a hoist at home to move her into a chair but the chair has become too uncomfortable); they have clearly got worse since entering hospital as they just don't have the capacity to turn her often enough - the main sore is on her shoulder blade. I get the point re not wanting to drink and this was one reason for the catheter. I agree SS funding is irrelevant but main barrier is still Mum and Dad - possibly because they really aren't that old ho hum.

Well, no, they are really not that old, and I am very very pleased, nay delighted, to find that this idea is at last being accepted, that those of us in our 70s are 'not that old'. Having said that, this is illness, and illness can strike at any age. I feel sooo sorry for your Mum. Having endured a catheter for gynae surgery in the past, I cannot conceive of what it must be like to have one permanently. You can't sit in a chair for a start. It feels like sitting on a golf-ball - that little balloon blown up with 10 ml sterile water to keep the thing in situ - it's in a very sensitive spot. Oh good Lord.

So she's in hospital where she should be getting nursing care, but they don't have the capacity to turn her frequently enough. So who does? Send her home? Will that solve the problem - or make it worse?

Words fail me.

SandraScarlett

Quite frankly, Margaret, the words "buck" and "passing", sping to mind. I too had a catheter for a short while - I cannot begin to imagine having one permanently.


This lady obviously needs, as you rightly and expertly say, constant care. Perhaps the hospital is expecting that the husband could turn her every 2 hours!


This is so worrying, and if the lady isn't able to be vocal, she's obviously one less person for the nursing staff to attend to. Definitely, definitely, a Nursing Home is the only answer.


xx

downshifter98

Main reason for catheter (apparently) was that Mum had trouble peeing plus she kept requesting it as she hates the 'pads' (and waiting for people to change them). Hospital has already said no resuscitation and are unlikely to attempt any invasive healthcare (Mum refused a recent bladder scan); she is just so frail and fragile looking. District nurses do question benefit of catheter but Mum and Dad will always do what the hospital tells them (they are probably the last of that trusting generation). Overall Mum's circumstances are very complicated and, added to her relative young age, I'd be amazed if there wasn't some buck passing going on. My biggest problem is persuading Mum and Dad to push for healthcare (the ward sister has made it clear they would be pushing at an open door). Mum's inability to communicate effectively does make her, of course, even easier to ignore but Dad does spend a lot of time in the hospital with her. The hospital had a meeting with social services today so we will learn more soon but the general opinions voiced on this thread have persuaded me that things can't stay the same. Many thanks to all.

SandraScarlett

This is so worrying for you, and I do hope it's sorted quickly. The most important thing is that your Mum should be as comfortable, and free from pain, as possible.


Although I'm sure your Dad is doing as much, and more, than he can, he obviously isn't there at night, and if your Mum needs turning every couple of hours, that means throughout the night as well.


Let's hope you get Continuing Care, with 1:1 support, asap.


xx

cattermole

Issues are being confused.

Continuing Health Care means you do not have to pay for your care full stop where ever it is provided that is the first thing to deal with. It does not mean if you get CHC you have to go into a Nursing Home. It means you have complex medical needs which are the responsibility of the NHS to provide for rather than Social Services. Finances do not come into it. I would advise your father if they have been offered a CHC assessment to take it as it is very difficult to even get an assessment these days let alone the funding.

So if for example she is assessed as needing X to provide for her needs under CHC this can be provided in the home including carers coming into the home (they do not have to be nurses to do this) and they will not be nurses in a nursing home providing ALL of the care. Nurses do medication etc and nursing related tasks, they do not do all the hands on care what ever the location.

Turning can be done by a carer or two carers for example a night sitter(s). I don't agree that you get the best care in a nursing home sorry. If you have the funding you can get much better care in your own home, you just need the right staffing and number of hours to do it. If it costs the NHS say £750 a week for a nursing home you can get a lot of staffing for that in the home and District Nurses will still come in to do the over seeing and any medical tasks like dressings, catheters although Health Care assistants will also do some of these things.

It it is very upsetting situation for any family to deal with but don't believe that the only option is a Nursing Home where the staffing ratios are likely to be one carer to every 5 patients no way will they be 1:1 as Sandra suggests. The only way you get 1:1 is in your own home with your family there to back it up and make sure everything gets done. Health fund care agencies in exactly the same way Social Services do if pushed to do so.

Really do hope your Mum gets this care she clearly needs asap though, my thoughts are with you.

downshifter98

The hospital have bowed to the inevitable and started an application for continuing care. This will take a week or 2 during which time Mum will keep her hospital bed, the main reason given is the bed sores but clearly Mums overall condition needs more than home care. At the moment the hospital are talking about temporary nursing care but who knows. Mum and Dad have accepted this, for now; they have told Dad (as a summary) that the NHS and social services need to decide who will pay for Mum's ongoing care. The way cattermole describes it I can appreciate why the NHS are reluctant to offer a CHC application, especially where social services are already picking up the tab at home.