How much is enough 'spending money' for a month?

claire16c

I would go mad if my DH thought it was ok to just waste money like that, plus the effect it will be having on his health. You need to sort something out so it's dramatically cut down. That money could be used on a holiday, mortgage, savings etc

If he literally spends £150 a month that's £1800 a year. So if you saved that instead, over 10 years that's £18,000!!!

That could be a deposit, future emergency savings etc it's just madness.

If he really just likes the taste there is no need to drink it every single night in those quantities.

And you should know if he has a problem or not if he refuses to lower the amounts.

Kayalana99

Perhaps to understanding!

We are both reasonable people, if we didn't have the money to spend he would cut down, but hopefully we will be better off by time kids are in school anyway.

He can go nights without drinking but not out of choice - simply the odd time he hasn't had any money left just before payday so has gone without - no moaning just simply had coke instead.

victory

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Perhaps to understanding!

We are both reasonable people, if we didn't have the money to spend he would cut down, but hopefully we will be better off by time kids are in school anyway.

He can go nights without drinking but not out of choice - simply the odd time he hasn't had any money left just before payday so has gone without - no moaning just simply had coke instead.

Uhm I see what you are saying that if you didn't have the money...but you don't really do you? To squander when your savings will change in June? When your kids may need x y z and daddy has drunk it? We could all wish and hope that in the future we were to be better off but that is a maybe, a hope, not a definete...

Your OH can go without drink if he so wished, before it is a very big expensive problem that gets out of hand and cannot be controlled without professional intervention...

Georgiegirl256

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Perhaps to understanding!

We are both reasonable people, if we didn't have the money to spend he would cut down, but hopefully we will be better off by time kids are in school anyway.

He can go nights without drinking but not out of choice - simply the odd time he hasn't had any money left just before payday so has gone without - no moaning just simply had coke instead.

Can I be blunt here? It does seem like you seem to be making a lot of excuses about his drinking, and trying to justify it.

paulineb_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Perhaps to understanding!

We are both reasonable people, if we didn't have the money to spend he would cut down, but hopefully we will be better off by time kids are in school anyway.

He can go nights without drinking but not out of choice - simply the odd time he hasn't had any money left just before payday so has gone without - no moaning just simply had coke instead.

That really isnt a good sign. Id be very concerned if a partner of mine was putting away 70-80 alcohol units a week even if he could afford it.

I really do think somehow, you should try and support him to cut down his drinking. Hes drinking at hazardous levels. Just because he can still go to work and function in that way doesnt mean his drinking isnt risky.

Theres a term for people who drink and who manage to control it and from the outside it looks as if everything is ok with their life, its functioning alcoholic.

Its amount hes drinking and how often, its not social drinking.

Kayalana99

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Can I be blunt here? It does seem like you seem to be making a lot of excuses about his drinking, and trying to justify it.

It doesn't really bother me I guess, its his free money to do with it what he wants - yes I'd prefer he didn't for his health but I'm not going to tell him to stop because it's his choice & its not like he hasn't been told before every time he sees his Mum it comes up. He's a grown man at the end day.

That said, if it came down to the kids shoes or something I would put my foot down - but if we was really that bad for money then I know he would agree with me anyway.

Person_one

Kayalana99 wrote: »

It doesn't really bother me I guess, its his free money to do with it what he wants - yes I'd prefer he didn't for his health but I'm not going to tell him to stop because it's his choice & its not like he hasn't been told before every time he sees his Mum it comes up. He's a grown man at the end day.

That said, if it came down to the kids shoes or something I would put my foot down - but if we was really that bad for money then I know he would agree with me anyway.

Its true that you can't stop somebody from drinking if they insist, but do you have to be so casual about it?

If I were you, I'd be looking ahead and worrying about my children losing their father prematurely to liver disease or stomach cancer, not about the fact that I don't want to be seen as a nag!

You can't stop him, but you can let him know it worries you, surely?

Kayalana99

Person_one wrote: »

Its true that you can't stop somebody from drinking if they insist, but do you have to be so casual about it?

If I were you, I'd be looking ahead and worrying about my children losing their father prematurely to liver disease or stomach cancer, not about the fact that I don't want to be seen as a nag!

You can't stop him, but you can let him know it worries you, surely?

I have done, I have even mentioned going to the doctors for a health check up on finding out that a kind of family member on my side has liver damage due to drinking which got me thinking about his health recently..that said we are pretty sure this guy has been drinking vodka straight out the bottle kind of drinking its a whole other story..

He has had times when he's been drinking alot (it tends to go the more money the more drinking) and he's cut down to a couple a night but it always tends to be about 4 cans a night as his norm that he gets back to.

End day I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to, other then taking his money out of his account and dictating how he spends it.

Gillyx

You can't dictate but surely part of being in a relationship and part of a couple, particularly that with kids who are obviously building a home together, if your partner was concerned about your health you wouldn't just ignore there concerns. You'd take it on board and listen to what they had to say and potentially cut down.

I for one, would not be happy for my son to grow up in a house where alcohol was being consumed every night, I'm just not sure what sort of example that sets but maybe I'm weird.

tea_lover

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I have done, I have even mentioned going to the doctors for a health check up on finding out that a kind of family member on my side has liver damage due to drinking which got me thinking about his health recently..that said we are pretty sure this guy has been drinking vodka straight out the bottle kind of drinking its a whole other story..

It sounds like very much the same story to be honest.