Are You in an Unhappy Relationship?

Alikay

anotheruser wrote: »

I can't stand people who "stay together because of the kids".

When those "kids" get older and find out you have faked your relationship with their father/mother, then what do you think they will react like?

I'm not sure I agree here. My grandparents stayed together "for the kids", squabbling away, blaming each other and refusing to cooperate etc until the youngest child left home. Then did they seperate? Did they heck! They continued to snipe, grumble and be generally vile to each other till beyond their 60th anniversary. Then died within a year of each other as the remaining one had no-one to rage at and lost the will to live :rotfl:.

The older I get, the less I understand about human relationships!

Gillyx

I'm not in an unhappy relationship, but I wouldn't say it was entirely a happy one atm.

That being said, we've had a very stressful few years, we're currently living with relatives as we've not long moved country for my OH's job and we can't seem to find a house we'd like to live in.

We are both aware of how we feel though and are taking steps to remedy it. I do believe relationships need to be worked at, they're not all rosy and if one or both parties start taking the other for granted it can all go downhill from there.

Those are the type of things that define a relationship though imo. No relationship is 100% happy all of the time.

Errata

Some people stay in an unhappy relationship because they think that's all they deserve. The may be right.
Some people stay because they don't believe they can stand on their own two feet. They may be right.
Some stay for financial reasons because that's more important to them than being happy. They may be right.
Everyone is the scriptwriter of their own life.

Indie_Kid

I have been in an unhappy relationship. As a friend, he's fine. But he was too controlling and clingy for me.

terra_ferma

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sometimes love actually keeps you with someone regardless of how unhappy you or they are.

I recently heard someone say to their wife: unfortunately I love you, even too much, and I don't know why. How can you love someone you don't even like?

For me respect, genuinely liking someone as a person, valuing them, and knowing they feel the same it's all part of love, or to be more precise, a loving relationship. Maybe I was lucky I don't know.

masonsmum

I was unhappy in my first marriage, stayed at a lot longer than I should have for the sake of my son/money/the house but in the end up it made me a horrible miserable person.

I left and with help of my parents I managed to get my old house back as ex husband moved away anyway and I bought him out, I then met my now husband who took my son on as his own, we have a 2 year old together too, own the house together and I can honestly say he is the man of my dreams.

Lifes not perfect we have our ups and downs like everyone else when trying to keep a house kids and work too, but he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

meeshpeesh

I was in a relationship with my ex for going on two years and we were planning on moving in together. I just got so comfortable in my little rut and didn't see how much of an !!! he was.

I'd stick up for him even when he was being a pain (even on here https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4616959) so yeah I guess you could say I presented a different view to the world. I'd tell everyone who asked that we were fine and only close friends could tell that something wasn't right. It wasn't until I started to fall for someone else that I realised it wasn't working and had the courage to end it. I didn't cheat, I'd never cheat, but still felt seriously guilty that I had developed feelings for someone else whilst I was still with him.

I was mostly scared of pressing the reset button on my life, I was planning on moving in with him and finally getting out of my parent's house. That's definitely a bad reason to stay with someone, it wasn't love it was just convenient.

Plus I knew he wouldn't be there for me through the rough patches, he actually told me (I kid you not, this is verbatim) that if I got pregnant he would 'take himself out of the equation' (leave) until I made a choice, and only come back if I got rid of it. He's a lawyer so he was very good at making !!!!!!!! sound completely reasonable and logical. At first I thought he was joking but he said it a fair few times.

Life is too short to be with people like that, I've definitely learnt my lesson and will always try to look at my relationships closely to see if I really am happy or just lying to myself.

dizziblonde

I'd say in an unhappy spot in a normally OK relationship - and that's why I stick with it. I also know I'm not mentally in the most rational of states at the moment with crippling anxiety and depression issues and everything looks worse when the black clouds are looming.

There's enough there for it to be worth hanging onto and weathering the storm a bit.

victory

Sometimes unhappy relationships are temporary due to lack of money or the kids problems or jobs, depression, anxiety, lack of communication, family interfeering, all sorts of problems can make the person within the relationship unhappy but if you can look past that and try to work together (if there still is love, respect, trust, honesty, compromise, etc etc) then an unhappy relationship can be worked on, turned around and made better and stronger for doing so

duchy

To be fair I also know single people who are so wary of emotional intimacy that they avoid serious relationships and will never know if they had the possibility of greater happiness or not.