Are You in an Unhappy Relationship?

Cotta

Morning All,

From readings some of the threads on here and basing this on a few people I know I was wondering how many on here would admit to being unhappy in their current relationship and if so what drives you to remain in it? Finally for such people do you go out of your way to present a different view to the outside world?

I've always thought it better to be single and true rathere than coupled and unhappy but this maybe a little too simplisitic and outdated.

System

There are many reasons people stay in an unhappy relationship.


Kids
Property
Fear of the future




That's just three.

DKLS

I was in an unhappy relationship for a long time, hanging on to the vain hope it would get better, It didn't so I finally found the courage to end the relationship.


It was the one of the best decisions I ever made.

Alikay

I'm happy in my current relationship (married 26 years) but left my first marriage as I was very unhappy. For me it worked out: I learned from my mistakes, and chose more wisely second time around.

I know a few people though, who've left unhappy relationships over and over again, which makes me wonder if they are not actually capable of being happy in anything but a shiny new relationship. I think it also depends on your definitions of happy and unhappy: For some people "happy" could be much higher up the scale towards ecstasy, whereas for others it's more a feeling of being comfortable, with similar variations in what constitutes "unhappiness".

beautiful_ravens

DKLS wrote: »

I was in an unhappy relationship for a long time, hanging on to the vain hope it would get better, It didn't so I finally found the courage to end the relationship.

It was the one of the best decisions I ever made.

Me too, exactly. I kept hoping something would click into place, but it never did. Ive recovered in so many ways since I ended it!

I think one thing that keeps people in those relationships is the routine they are in - the ordinary day to day living, the bills, the kids, the home etc. and the thought of the upheaval and complications of all those things is terrifying enough before anyone utters the words 'its over' to the other person.

terra_ferma

Alikay wrote: »

I'm happy in my current relationship (married 26 years) but left my first marriage as I was very unhappy. For me it worked out: I learned from my mistakes, and chose more wisely second time around.

I know a few people though, who've left unhappy relationships over and over again, which makes me wonder if they are not actually capable of being happy in anything but a shiny new relationship. I think it also depends on your definitions of happy and unhappy: For some people "happy" could be much higher up the scale towards ecstasy, whereas for others it's more a feeling of being comfortable, with similar variations in what constitutes "unhappiness".

I too see people who turned their back to every opportunity to be happy, with all sorts of excuses. Then come to me for "counseling", but I'm getting fed up with it.
Best friend was with someone for 3 years but they were too stupid to make any real effort to communicate, they were entrenched in their positions (I'm right, I'm making every effort, you are not...).
Other good friend is now after someone unavailable (traumatized by past violent relationship, that ended a year ago, unable to get too close to someone else right now), after being treated like an unimportant piece of poo in past relationships, with no respect and consideration.

After 20 yrs of knowing them, I'm convinced some people are unable to be happy.

DKLS

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Me too, exactly. I kept hoping something would click into place, but it never did. Ive recovered in so many ways since I ended it!

I think one thing that keeps people in those relationships is the routine they are in - the ordinary day to day living, the bills, the kids, the home etc. and the thought of the upheaval and complications of all those things is terrifying enough before anyone utters the words 'its over' to the other person.

Wasn't easy it took 18months to split, including a couple of court appearances and a significant legal bill.


I am lucky in one aspect in that I don't find moving house stressful in the slightest, hard work yes, stressful no.


I just wish I had faced facts much earlier in the relationship and got out earlier but if I had done that I wouldn't have met my wonderful wife so it all worked out well.

Alikay

DKLS wrote: »

I just wish I had faced facts much earlier in the relationship and got out earlier...

I think that's a pretty common sentiment with most of us who've done the leaving in a bad relationship. There's always the thought or hope that things will get better, plus the general negative views about "giving up" too easily. There comes a time though, when you just know you'll never be happy with a particular person, and when that realisation comes you usually gain the strength or motivation to go.

Kayalana99

Sometimes love actually keeps you with someone regardless of how unhappy you or they are.

SailorSam

I think there are people who are scared of being alone and worry they may not find someone else. This fear that they could be alone makes them believe that even a bad relationship is better than being single.

anotheruser

I can't stand people who "stay together because of the kids".

When those "kids" get older and find out you have faked your relationship with their father/mother, then what do you think they will react like?

Best just face up to the facts and separate so you're not wasting each others time in finding someone new (if that's what you want) and certainly not lying to any children.

But then again, I do think people are easy to give in.
If you're going to "stay together because of the kids", why not try and re-kindle what once was...

Then again, some people just make bad decisions and keep making bad choices over and over again.