Are You in an Unhappy Relationship?

System

I think I'm currently in a very happy relationship thankfully

But my last relationship was a very unhappy one. It didn't help that I was severly depressed them throughout it. It should really have ended long before it did but I was stupid and loved him even though he treated me like crap. He often told me nobody would want someone like me. He was verbally abusive nearly every day. And I'd say set my recovery back. Funnily enough when we split (after he cheated on me for the millionth time and I actually caught him) I was much happier. Friends have asked why I stated with him. Honestly I didn't think I deserved better or that anyone else would ever want me. I was terrified of being alone forever and that I wouldn't be able to cope.

Domayne

duchy wrote: »

To be fair I also know single people who are so wary of emotional intimacy that they avoid serious relationships and will never know if they had the possibility of greater happiness or not.

This is me! :rotfl: I've been in this weird on and off fwb relationship for the last 8 years and I don't know if im happy or not...we were friends, then we started seeing each other but he 'wasn't ready for a relationship' so we carried on as fwb for around 2 years and I met this other guy that I really liked...after seeing him for about a year casually, we decided to get serious...so we were together for 3 more years and I spent the whole time running away from him emotionally and eventually, he had enough I guess and we broke up and he said he didnt feel like he was 'with me'...so I went back to the first guy who was suddenly ready for something more but I wasnt...so now we are here, 2 years later, back to square one except we have switched roles and I cant seem to get over guy 2...
I often wonder if its me or the guys, if im capable of of 'real intimacy' or if I haven't met 'the one' if there is even such thing as 'the one' I don't even know anymore.

Soundgirlrocks

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sometimes love actually keeps you with someone regardless of how unhappy you or they are.

Totally agree!, I'm dealing with a fairly recent split a I don't think I would have ever ended it, but now looking back I can see how unhappy the relationship was making me.

It's really hard when you love someone to see that because you want different things you need to let each other go. I still believe my ex loves me (and vis versa) but I couldn't cope with him being away so much and he loved the work he does, the guilt we both felt at how we were feeling was crushing and made us both miserable.

Now I'm on my own & I don't have the anxiety or stress of him leaving over and over again I feel so much better, and likewise he is able to take the work he wants and loves without feeling dreadful about it. I'm actually grateful to him for having the courage to end it, as hard and horrid as it was.

Now we just have to navigate a path to being friends!:)

marisco_2

It can take a long time to come to terms with the fact, that a relationship that you once viewed as being happy and for life, no longer is. Accepting that means having to let go of all the hopes and dreams you once had as a couple and facing a future you hadn't planned for or really want. In my case finally deciding to call a day on my unhappy marriage came with the realisation that a lot of extended relationships would be lost too. When my ex and I got divorced his family chose to cut all ties with me. I lost contact with nieces, nephews and other relatives who had been a part of my life for years and that I loved dearly. Something that still deeply affects me 8 years on.

Unhappiness is not black and white. People stay together for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes staying and working through issues pays off and leads to a couple having a better and stronger relationship than before. Many couples would want to try to get back what they once shared before throwing in the towel. Some people may have a genuine fear of being alone. Others stay for the sake of the children, always a mistake in my opinion. There are those who are drawn to and seem to thrive in very drama ridden partnerships, personally I cant think of anything worse. Financial restraints may also play a part in people not being able to move on and start over again by themselves.

C_Mababejive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ww69vIhVIOs

itsanne

Cotta wrote: »

Morning All,

From readings some of the threads on here and basing this on a few people I know I was wondering how many on here would admit to being unhappy in their current relationship and if so what drives you to remain in it? Finally for such people do you go out of your way to present a different view to the outside world?

I've always thought it better to be single and true rathere than coupled and unhappy but this maybe a little too simplisitic and outdated.

I do hope the first part in bold isn't why you feel the second, Cotta. Being part of a couple doesn't have to mean being unhappy.

People start threads because they're having problems. Those of us not having problems don't end up posting about having happy relationships, though I did once start a thread asking for people's views as to what makes for a good relationship after reading so many tales of woe. Because of that, there appears to be a huge imbalance in happy / unhappy couples. If you based your expectations upon what you read in this type of forum you'd run a mile from ever being "coupled"! That would be a shame.

Macca83_2

I think there's also that feeling that you may be only experiencing a blip in your relationship.

If you're in a secure relationship ie the person doesn't cheat or treat you badly then are the feelings of unhappiness due to you falling out of love, or feeling that you've lost the spark. Where do you draw the line and how much effort do you put in before you call it quits?

Fosterdog

My relationship is not unhappy but at almost 5 years together we have been through unhappy patches and always seem to come through stronger than before. Most of our unhappiness has been caused by external factors though, at the base of it all we have a very good relationship and when it's good it's so good I can't imagine being happier and when it's bad we've got something to keep fighting for.

Mrs_Ryan

My relationship is a lot better than it has been but it's not perfect. He's caring for me at the minute- cooking my meals, making me drinks, lifting me in and out of the shower, picking me up off the floor when I've fallen, prompting me to shower or dress. I've complained a lot about him in the past but I couldn't be without him at the minute. There are times when our relationship isn't great and we do row but he's being surprisingly good to me at the minute.

harrys_nan

I'm in a strange place, I'm not unhappy with my partner but I'm also not happy.
We have been together for almost 6 years, this is with me being on my own for a long time and him a widower. I am not in love with him but I do love him in a friend kind of way.
he is a kind man and would be a loss to me if we split but I struggle with having not being able to make decisions by myself.
We live in a beautiful area but I miss my family as we are about 200 miles away from them, which in the real world isn't far but as I don't drive, it is to me, I also miss my 2 young grandsons.