Up to my eyes in debt & see no way out

JustAboutThere

That's a really good start. Good on you.

Make a note of all these things, so when hubby wants to start speaking, you can show him the progress you've made.

diamondfan25

Thanks JustAboutThere

I'm writing everything down & hopefully he will see that I'm trying my hardest to put things right!!!
Just got in from work so I will see if he's calmed down any to talk yet

x

samtoby

Writing it down is the hardest. Good luck with your debt free journey - admitting it is the hardest part. x

diamondfan25

Samtoby your right, seeing it all wrote down in black & white was the hardest thing & I did have an 'oh s**t' what have I done moment.

I've listed the main 'priority' 1at the top of the list & I've worked out that I can have that paid off in 10 months time & the rest I can pay off so much each week, thank god I've got 2 jobs, I may be knackered come November but hopefully ill of paid a massive chunk off my debts

��✋��

pompeydave1

hi diamondfan25 , well done in tackling these issues.i had similar problem a couple of years ago but the other way round - i had to tell the wife my problems.Talk about a bombshell - £10k + in debt , numerous defaults etc etc .i got the silent treatment for a while but after some serious talking we jointly tackled these problems. Its the "surprise hit" that made her distant from me to start with but at the end of the day as she said she"s my wife and we do this together.

i hope your husband feels the same after a while (you do things together) and get through this with friends and family as well.

tell people things , it does help and you"ll be amazed at the support you get.

really good luck to you...keep your chin up.

diamondfan25

Hi pompeydave1

Well done to you aswell!!
This is long road but I see light at the end of the tunnel now, my glass is no longer half empty but half full. Me & hubby haven't really spoke properly since but I've wrote everything down & made a point of putting everything where he has no option but to read it & hopefully he will know I'm trying & then we can discuss stuff without shouting..

I agree it's the 'surprise' hit & this has been my worse ever gambling spend. I know deep down he will be there for me but the shock of it all has floored him & so it's gonna take time for him I suppose,

Thank you for your kind words it's really helping

JustAboutThere

Hi Diamondfan,

I hope your day is ticking along smoothly.

Just a few thoughts - and feel free to tell me to take a hike.

For me, it was a case of having to train myself re: budgeting and learn what my triggers of spending were. One used to be shopping on the first weekend gone payday - that was lethal - "oh, I've got lots of money in the account". In those days, I'd forget the fact that bills haven't left the account yet.

I changed from only having one bank account to multiple. Salary goes into main bank account at the end of the month. On the 3rd of the next month, X amount is automatically transferred into the 'bills' account. All direct debits and standing orders come from that account. If things are going well, on the same 3rd of the month, X amount is transferred to savings. What's left in the main account is what I HAVE to live on.

Its also, a major case of "actions v consequences".

Although I like buying things (who doesn't), I really hated having to 'give' part of my salary to the credit card companies. I resented it like you wouldn't believe. So, the action (buying) resulted in the (consequence) of my salary not all being 'mine'.

I slowly had to learn that I could have these things, if I saved for them. Its such a lovely feeling when you purchase an item and know its 'all yours' - free and clear.

You'll have to figure out if there are any particular triggers as to your gambling and find a way to work through them.

I know you'd hate it - and I'm not saying you'd do it, but if you knew the budget was a little tight one month, but you'd be fine as long as nothing broke or an unexpected bill didn't come in. Then, if you gambled and then, for example, your children needed to pay for a school outing and you didn't have the money.

Maybe when your hubby has calmed down, you can find time in your schedule to talk about family money issues on a regular basis. Not just for him to 'keep an eye on you', but so its a real partnership.

Take care.

diamondfan25

Hi JustAboutThere

I totally agree with u...
I think my trigger is when something's goes wrong & I feel down & sad, just before Xmas my dad was involved in a hit & run & also I had a few issues with work aswell.

My main job (which I get paid weekly & cash in hand) I'm going to use that to pay the smaller debts, like catalogues etc (as I was a sod for spending on these if I didn't have funds to gamble)
Then my other jobs wage will go into my bank & that will pay the bigger debt.

I'd never really seen it like that really, suppose that's how selfish you become when it takes over your life like it has mine, you don't think of anyone but yourself!!!

Thank you for your advice
It's nice to see that people are kind enough to share & give advice without judging

Xx

JustAboutThere

Its never fun with a few stressy things 'hit' at once. I've certainly had it when one of my parents was ill AND work was going badly.

I always think that "if things are bad enough I want to drink too much (and I'm only a social - make that "lightweight" drinker), if I'm feeling bad enough - do I REALLY need to deal with a hangover on top of things". So, just as drinking too much wouldn't solve anything, gambling isn't going to make work problems disappear (as much as you'd like them too).

Bit by bit, you're making progress and you will get there.

I don't know how old your children are, but if they're youngish and enjoy that sort of thing, do you have board games that the whole family could play and make a night of being together, instead of just watching the telly? Doesn't have to be something competitive like Monopoly (oh, the fights in our household over that one!), but snakes and ladders or something equally silly. Or even Twister. You might be able to pick them up cheaply at boot sales or charity shops.

diamondfan25

I feel so much more positive than I did yesterday morning, won't see hubby till about 9 ish as I've got my other job to go too, that might be a blessing really as he will have time to look at stuff etc!!

Ha ha monopoly is band from our house!! But yeh we have slowly got away from the family time bit , girls are 11 & 9 . I do my family time with them like bake, make things etc & hubby takes them to footie but we haven't done much as a family unit for a good few months which thinking about it is very sad!!