Up to my eyes in debt & see no way out

diamondfan25

Hi There
Thanks for listening!!!


For the past 6/7 years ive been really silly when it comes to money, ive had debts & ended up paying them off. I can go years without spending & then BOOM it can take over my life & I cant stop it, I have a mental disorder & im a depressive aswell & it seems when I feel down spending money gives me the high I need to make me feel better, but the thing is it only lasts for maybe an hour or so and then im down again...


I didn't have the best life growing up & I sometimes think that this is the root of the problem but at the same time im punishing my husband & 2 daughters who don't deserve any of this


My husband has stood by me through all of this & I do genuinely love him to bits, but this current spending has now takens its toll on him & he told me yesterday that I had floored him with everything that ive done (the texted message was a OMG and it cant be repeated)


My current debt is about £20000 .
I work part time earning about £185 pw (cash in hand)
I have also taken on another night job which brings in £320 pm (paid into bank)


I have given him everything that relates to me getting money eg bank cards etc...


Im sat today thinking that my life could not get any worse, I feel like im in this dark hole and I see no way of getting out anytime soon. (ive even had suicidal thoughts, thinking life would be easier for my children & husband if I wasn't here, theyd be happier at least, but again how selfish is that me thinking that way)
I don't want sympathy I just want good advice and help please

Muhren

First let me say that you have done the right thing in admitting that you have a problem so well done. The next thing to say is that suicide is not the answer, your family will most definately not be better off without you there.

I know how you must be feeling as I have been in your position before and did take an overdose, it was more a cry for help than actually wanting to end my life. Your problem is shopping, my poison was/is gambling, you have to stop that root cause before you can make any headway with you debt. I know this will be difficult to start with but you have to put things in place that will physically stop you from spending such as handing cards over to your husband, blocking certain sites from your computer.

As Martin has said there is no debt that can't be sorted out, you have come to the right place for help and support. THere will be people along to give you more advice but I just wanted to say that you can and will get through this. I haven't had a bet for a year and not only are my finaces getting better but I feel better all round. If I can do it so can you. I know you will feel like crap right now but stick in there and tings will get easier.

diamondfan25

Hi Muhren


Mine is gambling aswell, I feel so ashamed about it all & thought I had it undercontrol but just before xmas 2013 I went mental & spent a massive amount, I hid it from my hubby but I knew I couldn't hide it for long, its the deceiving & sneakiness cause im not like that at all..
I do, no I DID most of it on my mobile phone & ran up a massive bill which I probably cant pay off for a few months (which will mean they will cut me off & I need it for work) my own fault I know we have betfilter installed on the computer..


I know that if I didn't gamble our lives & money situation would be great & we'd be able to to do stuff all the time,
Thank you for your advise, I now know there is light at the end of the tunnel & also well done to you for fighting it

JustAboutThere

So sorry you're feeling this way - but you are important and your family do need you. This is 'just money' (I'm not trying to minimise how distressing it is) - but it will get sorted out.

diamondfan25 wrote: »

just before xmas 2013 I went mental & spent a massive amount

Is there anything you bought during this time that can be taken back for a refund?

Please phone The Samaritans or anyone else you can talk to and don't keep it all to yourself.

Muhren

Gambling is such a big problem these days, I would get yourself along to the next GA meeting in your area. It might not be for you but has certainly helped me out a lot. I was betting on my phone as well so ended up getting a phone that had no internet capabilities, I have since got a new phone, I spoke to my provider that have all over 18 sites blocked.

If you ever want any advice you are more than welcome to message me and I will help you as best I can. You will get some great support from people on this board so feel free to ask anything. It will be tough for a little while but from my experience it will get better for you.

diamondfan25

Hi Justaboutthere


I know ive thought that aswell 'its just money'


Nothing that I can take back as its past the date of send back so ive listed things on ebay to try & reclaim funds that ive spent. Most of it has gone on gambling (puts head in hands & crys) though..


I know im important to my hubby & children but since yesterday me & hubby haven't spoken (id prefer the ranting & shouting to scilence) & he slept downstairs last night, the way he is with me is killing me (he has every right I know) & I don't see any quick fix to put it right..


My parents aren't a great support & would fall out with me & shout & my close friends have no idea about this 'other life' I lead.


I just want hubby to put an arm around me & tell me 'everything will be ok'

diamondfan25

I really appreciate that Muhren
Getting advice from others who have or are going through it will be a great help


Thank You

Muhren

There was another poster on here not long before Christmas who was in a similar position to you and thought her husband was going to leave her. However once he had calmed down and taken everything in things got a little better for them. I know everyone is different but you have to understand this is a massive shock to the system that might take him a little time to come to terms with.

JustAboutThere

From reading people's postings over the years, its not uncommon for a spouse to take awhile to come to grips with the news of debt.

While he's doing that, don't be too hard on yourself. You know he loves you - he's just in a bit of shock at the moment.

Maybe you can formulate a plan to give to your husband - tell him you've blocked all gambling sites, found out where your nearest GA meeting is - if you want to attend those; have a budget ready.

As for the 'friends' - most of them are probably living on credit anyway and just keeping up a front.

Keep posting away and it will get better.

((((Hugs))))

diamondfan25

I know hubby is finding it hard & ive said to myself 'put yourself in his shoes' & yes I know id be as mad as hell if the boot was on the other foot..


Talking to you guys is making the feeling of dread a little better to cope with. Thank you

diamondfan25

Since I was last on here hubby is still not speaking to me so it looks like im on my own for the time being but ive taken steps to shut down 5 gambling sites that ive used, ive spoken to my phone provider who is willing to put me on a repayment plan over 4 months, ive closed down my current account which had an overdraft of £1000 & opened a very basic account that still lets me pay my wage in etc & also pay things by direct debit....




I just need to sit down & work out the rest & pay them off starting from NOW (with or without hubbys help)... Things are far from good but im trying my bloody best to make a go of it...