Toddler sleep training

susancs

With my eldest daughter, hubby and I took a weeks holiday and took turns to sit in a chair outside her room, putting her back into bed everytime she got up, ignoring the screaming or tantrums (making no eye contact or conversation), which was every few minutes until about 4am. It did mean a sleepless night for the one of us doing this and a grumpy child in the daytime, but after a few days the getting up got less and then finally stopped.

Adrenalina

Hi all, thanks again for your pointers and comments. I thought I'd post an update in case anyone else is struggling with this.

So the first night was tough, not because it lasted all night, more because she screamed so long I could hear her going hoarse and I hated it. But she only got up once after she fell asleep and went back to her bed.

Last night was the second night. I explained it all again over dinner, then again as she got changed. I had to bring her back to bed a lot again, I don't know how many times. I changed tack a bit after 20 times, as she was just walking back to bed with me and saying "mama do it" (lift the covers) If she just got out of bed to see where I was I guided her back to the bed and left the door open, and then I told her "you need to stay in bed. If you get out of bed again I will close the door, do you understand?" because she was crying and telling me other stuff (distracting) I made sure I got a "yes" out of her before I left again. When she did come out of the room again I guided her back to the bed and said "you need to stay in bed, if you come out of the bed again I will lock the door" and closed the door behind me lightly. When she came out of the room again I guided her back, said nothing, closed the door firmly behind me and held it shut for about ten seconds (a loooong time listening to your toddler scream and panic). Then I put her back to bed and explained the whole thing again, "you need to sleep in your bed all night, mama is tired too and I want to go to bed, and daddy wants to sleep in the big bed too, so you stay in bed as long as the sheep is in bed (the one on her clock) and when the sheep is awake you can get up too". I had to repeat this cycle twice, and then she got it. She cried in bed for two minutes and then she fell asleep (door open) while I pottered in the kitchen. The whole thing took 25 minutes.
She got up once at midnight, but when I took her back to bed she explained to me that she had to stay in bed all night and sleep while the sheep was sleeping.
This morning OH got up at 5am, so she got up then too, but he did the whole "you need to stay in bed" routine and she went back to bed til she heard him leave 15mins later and she was up again

Tonight was easy peasy (phew). She stated crying when she got changed, but I just kept going over the whole thing with her, went to brush her teeth, story, good night kisses and again she explained to me that she would stay in bed all night, "mama not sit there, mama sleep in big bed with daddy". I was so proud of her!
The door is still open and the kitchen light on, but I can live with that for a few days while she gets used to this way of going to bed.

I'm glad I changed my approach slightly. I'm not saying it will work with every child (obviously), but I'm glad I listened to my instinct and went with what felt right. A someone else said on here, toddlers understand more than we sometimes give them credit for.
Another reason I changed the approach is because she had a really bad nappy rash yesterday (I can count on one hand the number of times she's had that) and very runny tummy, and I was worried it was caused by the stress of the evening before. Today she was still sore down there and her tummy was upset, but not as badly.

Let's see how tonight goes, but I'm very hopeful!

Good luck to everyone else who has this or a similar problem!

bossymoo

Aww well done, the trick now is to stick with it. My DD is 3 and I'm doing the same. I'm almost at the end of week 2 and things have really improved. I'm determined now, and I refuse to let the last 2 weeks go to waste.

I did get to the point though where I said "next time you get out of bed I take xxx<insert favourite toy> away" and I did. That did seem to get the message to stick. Obviously not her comforter though. I wouldn't ever take her blankie away :eek:

Keep at it. It won't always be this hard.
X

sacha28

Blimey I could've written this post!! In fact I started one very similar back along.

My (near) 2 year old has always been a sleeping nightmare and, up until 10 days ago, it was taking us up to 3 hours just to get him to go to sleep We were doing exactly what you are doing.....sitting next to his bed until he fell asleep. When we thought he was asleep we would creep out, only to have the screaming start as we reached the door!!!

My little boy has controlled the nights for the whole of his little life. He woke 5/6 times a night and me and my lovely OH felt ill with tiredness. Things are by no means sorted but we can at least get him to go straight to sleep without ANY fuss. This is what we did........

We did the 'super nanny' technique. Having never really watched it we had no idea what it entailed until a friend of mine at work found me sobbing at work after another horrendous night and explained it.

We picked a night to start and AGREED what would happen beforehand. I wanted to take the helm as my LB had been taking the michael out of me for some time (he was much worse for me) so I agreed that I would be doing it, my OH could make dinner I spoke to my neighbours and told her what we were going to do. And then I did it.......

I followed our usual routine...brush teeth, 3 books, bed. He got into bed and instantly said 'mummy stroke arm' (a terrible habit started by my OH whilst I was at work!!). I said 'no stroking tonight, just sleep. Night night, love you' then walked out. I then stuck my MP3 player on, stuck the earphones in my ears with sellotape and waited on the stairs for him to come to the door. I kept leading him back to bed, did not look at him, didn't talk to him, no interaction at all. I lost count at 150 put backs!! I couldn't hear the screaming as I had put the music up full but OH says it was like nothing he had ever heard before!!!! He tried every trick in the book to get some interaction. I would enter his room looking at a particular point on the floor, he cottoned on fairly quickly and got on his knees and looked up at me lol! As soon as he got in bed I covered him up and walked out.

That 1st night lasted an hour and 10 mins, nearly a 3rd of the time as normal. The 2nd night took 40 mins. The 3rd night I put him back to bed once and the 4th night he just said 'night night mummy, love you'. You could've knocked me over with a feather!!!! I did this every time he woke during the night too.

The first few nights after that 4th night he slept through, that didn't last tho last night I saw every hour from 1am. Difference is, I can put him straight back now, whereas, before, it was taking me sitting next to him for an hour or setting up camp on his floor!!

Sorry for very long post, well done if you're still reading!! I've been meaning to update my thread but haven't got around to it!!!

building_with_lego

We had problems with both of ours learning to fall asleep by themselves and did similar things to the above posters: no eye contact, little talking, gently leading child back to bed.

Two things helped us get it cracked. Someone early in this thread mentioned putting the child to bed, shutting the door and ignoring them. I feel that with a young child they may feel anxious at being abandoned, so I always put them down with the words, "time for sleep, see you in a little while." "A little while" is a deliberately vague phrase, as sometimes I as so relieved that they were out of my hair that I forgot to go back up to them .

Usually they were still awake the first time I went back but asleep the second. It didn't matter how long the gap was- couple of minutes at the start of the regime, longer when they were more settled/ I forgot- it was as thought they were waiting to check I came back before they could fall asleep.

The second thing came when my second was born and my eldest was three- and- a- half. I explained to her that she didn't have to stay asleep all night, but that if she woke me up I would be Grumpy Mummy the next day, and Grumpy Mummy is Not Much Fun.
I explained the same thing to the little one when her was around two and even now, as a school aged child, if he has a bad dream or feels ill in the night he will only ever call out in a whisper!

themull1

I hope you all live in detached houses - i would hate being your neighbours, and i would never threaten a child with locking the door of their room, or stopping them getting out. Bed is meant to be a nice place.!

GwylimT

I know how you feel, my son didn't have a full nights sleep until he was five, for him his routine only improved when he was dry through the night.

I think we have been lucky with our daughter, she likes bed, she will ask to go to bed when she is ready, she will also sit and play quietly in her room if she does get up and doesn't actual need anything.

Our almost year old son, his sleep record so far is three whole hours of sleep in one go, so I think I'll be doing the help me post soon.

sacha28

themull1 wrote: »

I hope you all live in detached houses - i would hate being your neighbours, and i would never threaten a child with locking the door of their room, or stopping them getting out. Bed is meant to be a nice place.!

This is quite unhelpful and you clearly have had angelic children who slept through from day one, or haven't had any children at all!!!!

If you read my post properly you would see that I spoke to my neighbour beforehand, as it happens she has 4 children and had to do pretty much the same thing with all of hers, and explained exactly what was likely to happen.

When people are at the end of their tether they do what they feel is necessary just to get through the night. I have never stopped my son getting out of bed, I have simply guided him back when he has got out. Bed is a place for sleep and some children need to be taught this.

GobbledyGook

themull1 wrote: »

I hope you all live in detached houses - i would hate being your neighbours, and i would never threaten a child with locking the door of their room, or stopping them getting out. Bed is meant to be a nice place.!

Better an angry and annoyed child for a night or two than a dead one because her exhausted parent crashed the car.

I'm sure everyone would love to have children who fell into simple habits easily. However sometimes they don't and for the safety, and sanity, of everyone parents have to do things they'd really rather not.

flamingo747

I am struggling. But part of me has massive reservations about these sort of techniques. I've always been a gentle/attachment parenting type. Ds was a reasonable sleeper til 6 months but has been awful since then. He's now 22 months. In the last 16 months he's slept all night in his own bed less than ten times.

He will only fall asleep at the breast. Without that, he would just keep going, regardless of the time of night. Once I manage to sneak out, he'll wake every 20m-1hr til I go in and pick him up. If he comes in with us he'll sleep through 50% of the nights, the other half he'll wake for a minute or two every few hours. If I try to let him cry and self settle he wakes fully and it will take several hours and cuddles to settle him again.

It's exhausting. But I feel so cruel and as if I'm abandoning him and making him feel unloved if I leave him.