Toddler sleep training

meritaten

its persistence which pays off here. you want her in own bed. then you take her back to bed. as many times as it takes - be prepared for nights with very little sleep! and you BOTH need to be on the same page! it sounds easy - but it isn't! and it takes time! supernanny did it in a couple of nights - ordinary people find it takes a couple of weeks or months! BUT - it will work! My own Son and DiL had to persevere for a few weeks - but he is a really good sleeper now! though the family dog did play a big part TBH, She accompanied them putting him to bed and stayed with him until he slept. she still does it! and two years on the command take K to bed has her heading upstairs! waiting until he is asleep and then coming down.

balletshoes

Adrenalina wrote: »

Well just to let you know that for whatever reason the back to bed thing does not work for us I lost count at 196 (around 100minutes in) and gave up at 2hrs45mins. I did not speak to her or make eye contact or cuddle her. There were never more than five seconds between me closing the door and her opening it. At one point I realised that she actually wanted me to walk into her room, lift the duvet and drop it back down over her (I swear that is all I did).
She cried for about 90minutes but every time I thought she was about to accept the situation she got up again and smiled or kicked or tried something else.
Now she is so knackered I told he she has to stay in her bed or else I will lock the door. I've left her door and our door open and the kitchen light on. I hear noises but unless she gets up I'm just going to leave her to it.

I'll have to phone the health visitor at this rate, although up to now they have not exactly been helpful...

Thanks for all your pointers. I must be doing something wrong or else it's not a fail safe method.

2hrs 45mins and one night isn't going to cut it - perseverence means days and possibly weeks, not one night.

Do you expect her to go to sleep straightaway when you take her up to bed, or is it okay if she looks at picture books with a nightlight on until she's ready to cosy down and go to sleep?

I don't think my DD ever went straight off to sleep, even now she doesn't - she reads first (so do I, to be fair). My niece does the same thing, ready for bed, upstairs and in bed, one short story read together, then dad leaves her to it. She can look at picture books herself and she rarely goes to sleep for the night without reading one on her own.

Tanswell88

One day isn't consistency or long enough to change a childs learned behaviour. At least 3 or 4 days minimum because if you give up on something after one day your LO is going to know you aren't going to be consistent on any bed time routine. As someone said previously if you give up after the 20th time they will know if they kick up a fuss long enough mum or dad will eventually give up.
We always make sure the half an hour leading up to bedtime is winding down town so no running around getting worked up and a drink of her milk with a buscuit or small snack.
It isn't easy, especially when your elder one never did this or needed any kind of 'sleep training'- trust me I know!

GobbledyGook

Adrenalina wrote: »

Well just to let you know that for whatever reason the back to bed thing does not work for us I lost count at 196 (around 100minutes in) and gave up at 2hrs45mins. I did not speak to her or make eye contact or cuddle her. There were never more than five seconds between me closing the door and her opening it. At one point I realised that she actually wanted me to walk into her room, lift the duvet and drop it back down over her (I swear that is all I did).
She cried for about 90minutes but every time I thought she was about to accept the situation she got up again and smiled or kicked or tried something else.
Now she is so knackered I told he she has to stay in her bed or else I will lock the door. I've left her door and our door open and the kitchen light on. I hear noises but unless she gets up I'm just going to leave her to it.

I'll have to phone the health visitor at this rate, although up to now they have not exactly been helpful...

Thanks for all your pointers. I must be doing something wrong or else it's not a fail safe method.

One night isn't going to make it work. You have to be prepared to do it for at least a few nights.

It took a week with my DD2. First night I lost count of how many times I returned her to bed. Second night it was 21 times. Third night was 41. Fourth night was worse than night 1 as she had caught up on sleep!

Think about the period of time over which she's learned this behaviour - she's not going to unlearn it in one night.

Okydoky25

I have the same problem with my 2 1/2. My problem is he can get over his gate now with ease and letting him scream us not an option as we have a 1yo.
It only started 6 months ago when we moved house. Since then he wants the lights on. We have to stay with him untill he falls asleep and then he ends up in our room where as he used to fall asleep on his own. Lights off all night!?

Adrenalina

Okydoky, I think our house move triggered this off as well. Our bedtime routine hasn't changed. We read a story last thing, lights out, kiss & goodnight. That was it. She used to fall asleep within minutes. Now she insists on company.
I know one night doesn't sound like much, bu honestly you guys are saying 41 times? I counted to about two HUNDRED and still kept on for another hour. We live in a flat, so no stairs. And she did just want me to go back with her, just so she could get up again. Even me pushing her along the hall back to her room seemed to be enough contact for her. It just did not have the effect it was intended for.
She got up at 1am and I put her back, left the door open and he kitchen light on. Then she got up at 5.45 I suspect she was exhausted from missing three hours of sleep.
Yes, I will go at it again tonight. But believe me, the whole "no eye contact no talking equals no attention" just isn't true.

I do appreciate all your responses. it's hard to explain or understand a situation fully, and I am very interested to hear all opinions and experiences

GobbledyGook

The first night I did it with DD2 I lost count. I reckon it was well over 150 times before I gave up counting.

Is she tired? Has anything else changed which means she's just not ready for bed yet? What about pushing her bedtime back a bit?

Once she's asleep does she stay asleep? A friend of mine sits with her DD as if she does that the lo falls asleep within a few minutes and that's her until morning so it works for them.

valk_scot

Adrenalina wrote: »

Thanks for all your pointers. I must be doing something wrong or else it's not a fail safe method.

As far as I understand it you have to do this every night for a couple of weeks before you get anything like reliable results.


And I personally would have immobilised the door after the first twenty or so trips out. Otherwise it just turns into a game of tag.


And remember, it's like anything else to do with child discipline, you have to keep at it. It's not the 99 times you get off the sofa to deal with whatever problem it is that they'll remember, it's the 100th time that you didn't that will stick in their brains. You have to get it through their heads that when Mum says they have to do something She Means It. It's well worth establishing this at an early age, believe me. It makes life so much simpler over the years if you don't have to fight every single battle every time. Even now my kids are teenagers they know that if I tell them to do something in THAT tone of voice there's no arguing with it. There's so many of my friends with kids who whine a and argue constantly with their parents because they know that if they do it long enough then said parent will give up and give in. Don't let that happen to you.

Gillyx

valk_scot wrote: »

As far as I understand it you have to do this every night for a couple of weeks before you get anything like reliable results.


And I personally would have immobilised the door after the first twenty or so trips out. Otherwise it just turns into a game of tag.


And remember, it's like anything else to do with child discipline, you have to keep at it. It's not the 99 times you get off the sofa to deal with whatever problem it is that they'll remember, it's the 100th time that you didn't that will stick in their brains. You have to get it through their heads that when Mum says they have to do something She Means It. It's well worth establishing this at an early age, believe me. It makes life so much simpler over the years if you don't have to fight every single battle every time. Even now my kids are teenagers they know that if I tell them to do something in THAT tone of voice there's no arguing with it. There's so many of my friends with kids who whine a and argue constantly with their parents because they know that if they do it long enough then said parent will give up and give in. Don't let that happen to you.

I agree 100% with this, I like to think of myself as a gentle-ish parent, but even with toddlers you have to be the leader. I have seen relatives children turn out horrible as they got older as the phrase 'oh they're only a baby' was frequently banded about but then they're not a baby anymore, they're 7 or 8 and still think they rule the roost.

My parents were strict but fair, if I was asked to do something I did it, didn't question or argue back.

I always give my son choices, but ultimately I've still made the decisions

Good Luck OP xx

onlyroz

If you're putting her back to bed 200+ times and it's still not working then perhaps you need to change tack. Black out all windows so it's totally dark in the room. Make the landing as dark as possible too. Put a stair gate across the door that she can't climb over. Put her in the room and leave with no eye contact. Go somewhere else in the house for five minutes. If she's out of bed after five minutes put her back in, no eye contact, no talking beyond "go to sleep". Then leave for another five minutes. Repeat all night if necessary.

You can also try a reward chart. With my son I bought a magnetic white-board and some magnets. Each night he stayed in bed he got a magnet and a small treat (Kinder eggs are popular). Each night he got out of bed I showed him the treat that I wasn't going to give him. When he managed to get five magnets I bought him a small toy as a reward.