Toddler sleep training

DigForVictory

+1 for get husband on board. Even if *he* can sleep through, surely he's realised you're getting increasingly sleep deprived & stressed?!

Then a note to next doors apologising in advance & prepare for war.

Small people *do* learn. Hang onto this idea in the small hours at full blast. Don't try to out shout - you'll loose.

Try to stay off the cola or Pepsi or coffee yourself - my husband reckons it was the disturbed nights that triggered the Cola habit that triggered his Type 2.

kafkathecat

Just to put an alternative view, ds used to do this. From an early age I let him decide when he went to bed, I would then lay down with him and he would be asleep in seconds. Later I would sit with him then he went on his own. It is the same with getting up in the night, over time he got into our bed later and later until he slept through. No pain no fuss just a bit more effort. Ds, now 16, has excellent sleep habits; he goes to sleep when he is tired and rarely needs the alarm to get up in the morning.
I appreciate that not everyone can do this and also that every child is different. I am not criticising any one else's method I just wanted to show that it is possible to do things differently.

balletshoes

Have you tried a reward chart yet?
I'm asking as my colleague has a 2-year old and for months she and her OH have been struggling to get him to go to sleep and stay in his bed all night. Her OH veto'd the reward chart idea because he didn't think little'un would understand the concept. They've gone with the reward chart for the last week - and its working like a charm . He does understand what its for, he does understand that if he goes to bed at bedtime, goes to sleep, and stays in his bed all night, he gets to colour in his chart, and at the end of the week he'll get a treat.

Tanswell88

I've not read the replies but I will share with you what we have done recently with my almost (next month) two year old.

We'd take her up to bed at 7 and read her a story, Once story was finished I would give her a kiss, tell her it was bedtime, tuck her up, turn off the light and then walk out close the door and stair gate (its on her door to stop her wandering as we have a bathroom upstairs and our eldest has a hi-sleeper and we dont want her going up the ladders and falling down).
If she got up I'd lead her straight back to bed only saying as I put her down 'its sleep time now, night night' then I'd walk out and shut the door and gate. If she got up again I'd leave her this time for 5 minutes, After 5 minutes I would go back in lie her down and this time I would just say 'night night' then if she got up again I would leave her 10 minutes but when I went in this time I wouldn't say anything I would just lie her down and leave. I would only leave for 15 minutes but the first night it took 40 minutes, then 15 and then day three was 5 minutes.

One thing I would recommend though is picking a routine and sticking to it. At this age they are clever and will try anything to get you to go back into them.

I must also add... I did do this at 1/2/3/4/5am too as we would often bring DD2 into our room just to get some sleep when she woke in the night, but two or three nights of putting her back to bed stopped the waking every single night (its still not all the time but a heck of a lot better then it was a few months ago!)

Adrenalina

Thanks again for your tips an stories.
Skylight, wow, bonus points for tenacity! I can see that coming our way.

I prefer gentle parenting, bit in this case it's not working. If we could all three get a decent night sleep in the same bed I wouldn't even care.

And yes, I will get OH on side. He is real soft, as soon as she starts crying he's all over her and she has him wrapped. He also thinks I'm too tough on her, but I'm sure she understands most of what I tell her (same as te reply above re reward charts - I'll maybe try that as well.

valk_scot

Get a stair gate or...and I know in advance this is going to get me flamed...a small hook and eye closure for the door so she can't open it from inside. And a baby monitor, if you don't already have one. Yes I know it smacks of locking them up but apart from anything else do you really want a toddler able to wander around the house unsupervised while you're asleep?


We lived in two seperate houses when my kids were small, the first one had really stiff door handles that my kids couldn't turn till they were past three, the second house had very high up handles. So they couldn't get out their rooms at night, they would call into the monitor if they needed me. I never left them to cry for longer than it took me to wake up, swear and stagger through but it was a lot less disruptive than having to lug a struggling toddler back to bed and it got the idea into their heads that bedtime meant staying in their rooms at least.


I did turn a deaf ear to them getting up and playing in the middle of the night or early morning btw, it didn't really bother me if they did that. I'd leave a cup of water and, later on, the potty. They had story tapes that they could play too. Routine was bath, pjs, milk, story on sofa, teeth, cuddle, bed. I never read to them in their bedroom, they'd get tucked in, quick kiss and I'd be gone. If I had to go through in the middle of the night the routine would be the same...tucked back in, kiss, gone. I never stayed till they fell asleep, my theory being if they HAD to have you there to fall asleep then they HAD to have you every time and you'd be doing it for the next ten years, or up to when they went to uni. Or so it felt like at 2am!


All three of them were great sleepers from a very early age. I think the more elaborate you make the bedtime routine the more they need it, so keep it simple and short. Ten seconds on autopilot.


As to your OH thinking you're too strict? Give him 100% responsibility for bedtimes and getting up at night. It's easy to be critical when you're not the parent doing the hard work!

mrcow

Adrenalina wrote: »

And yes, I will get OH on side. He is real soft, as soon as she starts crying he's all over her and she has him wrapped. He also thinks I'm too tough on her, but I'm sure she understands most of what I tell her (same as te reply above re reward charts - I'll maybe try that as well.

I wouldn't even worry about that. He's only making a rod for his own back, not yours.

My OH was like that. Our children still play him up. Even something as simple as getting everyone out the door for school in the morning can be a chore for him.

I, on the other hand, had rules and boundaries, and our children never play me up. Life with them has always been so fun and simple, because they are 100% on board with it and 100% know who is in charge.

It sound dramatic to say it's all about control. But honestly it is. Who is the one in control of the situation? Who is the one who is dictating the boundaries? As a parent, that's your job. Some people just don't get it. Often it ends up in temper tantrums and screaming (and that's just the parents!) or lame threats that the parent has no intention of seeing through.

If your OH thinks that not establishing those boundaries early makes him a "more caring" or "softer" parent, that's fine, let him kid himself. But it will be him with the behaviour problems later on as he'll be trying to make everything a negotiation (even the small things that shouldn't even be up for negotiation, like what she's going to eat or when she's got to got to bed, or when she's leaving the park/playground etc).

dizziblonde

My eldest seems to need to wind down in bed before going to sleep (she's almost two). She has a little clippy on torch on the bedrail of her bed she can get on and off herself and turn on and off herself, and a pile of books beside her bed and she'll sit there and look at a book for a few minutes before going to sleep naturally - however if I put her down with a "this is sleep time - go off NOW" attitude - hell breaks loose!

She has toys inside a playtent in her room (just so I can just chuck them back in there and ignore proper tidying up) but the rule is that she can go in there and play with them if she wakes up slightly early on a morning only - and being fair to her, she's stuck to that (and it's a case of her waking at like 5.50am when our alarm goes off at 6am - not stupid o clock).

Adrenalina

Well just to let you know that for whatever reason the back to bed thing does not work for us I lost count at 196 (around 100minutes in) and gave up at 2hrs45mins. I did not speak to her or make eye contact or cuddle her. There were never more than five seconds between me closing the door and her opening it. At one point I realised that she actually wanted me to walk into her room, lift the duvet and drop it back down over her (I swear that is all I did).
She cried for about 90minutes but every time I thought she was about to accept the situation she got up again and smiled or kicked or tried something else.
Now she is so knackered I told he she has to stay in her bed or else I will lock the door. I've left her door and our door open and the kitchen light on. I hear noises but unless she gets up I'm just going to leave her to it.

I'll have to phone the health visitor at this rate, although up to now they have not exactly been helpful...

Thanks for all your pointers. I must be doing something wrong or else it's not a fail safe method.

donnalou

The thing that worked for us is having my LO's room pitch black so she can't even see where the door is so she stayed in bed and now she has a Night light/ Music box thingy in bed with her and plays it before bed and when she wakes up but always stays in bed until I go and get her in the morning HTH