Protecting Children from Bad News.

ilikepinacolada

I totally understand the close relatives laying a tribute where the person concerned met its end although personally I would do so graveside but I do understand that but a total stranger laying a teddy and note with "You are in heaven now" so in bad taste!

Cloudydaze

When I was young a school friend's step-father murdered her mother. This affected me quite badly. I'm sure I talked about it with my mum on a factual level but I'm not sure I ever really talked about how much it bothered me.

What I'm trying to say is that even though you think your children understand and you talk about things, you never really know what is going on inside a child's head. Children aren't mini-adults. They lack perspective.

As an adult it's much easy to analyse your feelings and understand you are feeling x because y happened. You know from experience that these feelings will subside. You can articulate how you feel and share these feelings with others.

I personally would shield young children as much as practically possible especially from the murder of another child.

pollypenny

Protecting a child from bad news is one thing: taking a child to visit the home of a missing child or on a search for him is another!

Totally inappropriate !

arbroath_lass

Padstow wrote: »

Maybe I'm old fashioned and too sensitive, but I view young childhood as a time of innocence. Introduction to death is their Hamster or a family member dying because either old or very ill. Not a child of their own age who died an unnatural death.

I don't think that is at all old-fashioned. I think it is a modern way of thinking. I'm not convinced we do our children any good by it.


Children were not protected from the realities of life (and death) in the past. Children of their own age dying was far more common than it is now (thankfully). Animals were raised and slaughtered in backyards for food.


But, no, I would not take a child to search for a missing person. I do not find roadside tributes appropriate either. Whether or not you knew the person.

System

To a point I always shielded my kids when they were little from the realities of life. I think the first time they experienced death was the death of their pet rabbit.... then there was the death of their Grandad Taff (yes he was Welsh). That was something I couldn't shield them from.

I remember on our many travels on holiday coming across road crashes and fatalities. On first sight of an accident ahead I'd wait until we were nearly upon it and I'd take a coin out of my purse and yell 'First one who finds it can keep it' which kept the kids busy enough till hopefully we had gone past the accident.

Oh and before anyone slags me off for not putting belts on the kids... rear seat belts weren't compulsory till the late 1980s though inexperience and stupidity should have told me they should have remained belted throughout all of the journey.

ilikepinacolada

I remember my dad would leave the back seats up and we would crawl into the boot and sleep as you say legal in those days!

mcja

Judi, we travel a lot of motorways to see grandparents, and when we drive past accidents we tell the kids look at the deer in the fields. They always look and by then we are past. I do explain now why we do it, and if its a bump will let them see.

I wouldn't take my kids on a search, the thought of them finding something is scary.

We used to sleep along the backseat! mum remembers putting me in my Moses basket straight in the car!

claire16c

I think taking a child on a search in under growth - where if a child is found there let's face it they're probably not going to be in a good state, is incredibly inappropriate and I'm surprised not only their parents thought it was ok but that the organisers of the search let him stay.

Kynthia

I think they had the untrained volunteers looking for clues in open ground that had already been searched. The scenes I saw only had the trained personnel looking through undergrowth and shrubbery.

mortgagenomore_2

I would imagine the police would not have let mothers and young kids search if they suspected a body would be found, I suspect (as they do) they suspected foul play early on and went through the motions to get evidence, as someone mentioned they have their stewards in front searching, feel sad for people that searched thinking they would make a difference when it was all in vain!


I would think early on her story would not have rung true to police with the other siblings telling their stories, always ask a child eventually they will tell you the truth!