OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Byatt

It must be difficult LIR. I can understand the feelings of spying, but if it will help in the long term, especially if something needs to be done in the future. He's living with you, so in one way, it's an act of caring rather than spying...his health is impacting on you too.

mum2one

grousescot wrote: »

Hi folks

I see there's been a fair bit of activity here since I last looked in. Thanks for all your good wishes re my eye op which was yesterday. I have been suffering with increasingly frequent instances of hazy eyes over the past few years and thanks to someone generously donating a cornea after their death, this is the first day for about six years my right eye has been clear. I am beyond delighted even though it will be a year until I know it's taken.

I'm not sure I want to go home quite yet. I'm in a private room and every couple of hours someone stops by and offers me food or drink!

I'm struggling a bit to navigate here as I haven't yet tamed my nee smartphone but will write more when I get back to my laptop.

Check your donor cards - your eyes can still help someone else.

So glad everything went ok, you take care xx

wilsooon

lostinrates wrote: »

Its funny you should say that about my RP.

In more enlightened times and since reading on Mse I have discovered Autism, in particular Aspergers, and wondered if RP is on the spectrum. (Cannot empathise, hate affection or emotion, very literal, OCD about personal hygiene if not the ruddy house work, but when does do something it has to be done 'properly' which inevitably is turning a half hour chore into a weekend one, and needs a trip to a shop, and a list of instructions). NOTHING is done without a print out off that interent and half a day typing put a plan of action(which often means nothing gets done, because its given to me and I point out a obvious to me flaw and there is a sort of silent tantrum, and its 'never to be mentioned again' .

LIR reading this it does sound as if this could be Aspergers. Apparantly everyone is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and it may well be that your RP managed just fine at work because there was a very definite need/pathway/outcome. I'm afraid I'm not too sure how best to approach this, but I know there are books available (one is called something like 'Is that me?' and outlines Aspergers symptoms). Have a good google, I'm sure others out there will have ideas.

I also know of a lady whose husband, we think, has undiagnosed Aspergers, and is also now developing dementia. So just know that you're not alone. Maybe an idea would be to have a word with your GP, if nothing else s/he can advise you on any possible help, and just be aware that you're going through a tough time. I know many surgeries have some kind of carer's record, so they know you may need more help with your own health. In this, as in all things, if you're not fit and healthy you can't help anyone else.


Sending lots of hugs, sweetheart :grouphug:

wilsooon

groatie_queen wrote: »

I've long maintained that in Utopia there would be a membership based national singlies suport service, with a monthly subscription, where practical help would be available when ill, e.g. for running errands, doing a bit of housework, making meals etc.. Like the AA but for supporting singlies when they "break down".

Oh, GQ, can I sign up please, with immediate effect??? I've just spent the last week fighting a horrid chest infection - my sympathies to Byatt and anyone else suffering - yuk. Thank goodness my live-in landlord/mate was fit enough to get urgently needed med supplies, I'd have been well scuppered otherwise.

wilsooon

Last post for the night, I came across this and thought - at last!!!! My dream job!!!!!!!!!!


http://ladydinahs.com/


What a wonderful idea!! Shame I live too far away from London to consider a new career!


Sending love and hugs to all, especially those struggling right now.

moneyistooshorttomention

LIR

Re the autism: there is a free online autism test, though whether you could get RP to take it is another matter and the results come up in fine gradations from "normal" to "all the way there".

BYATT
Your comment re watching a play, for instance, in "two minute bits" and not being able to work out what comes next sounds like a bit of an Ah Hah Moment way of looking at how to figure things out on that. I guess people are more or less aware (or totally unaware) of figuring out "what comes next", be it with a play/life as a whole/what way Society as a whole is going (all the way through from convinced Society as Normal is/can continue through to watching it deteriorating to the train of thought that I have noticed that goes "Bring it on for a Crash ...and the sooner the better":eek:

Sezzagirl

Long term lurker popping up to see if they can highlight something useful

Lost In Rates I saw this today and wonder if it might be useful to take to your Parent's Dr?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/10666242/Take-the-Alzheimers-test-Could-your-loved-one-be-at-risk.html

JustKeepSwimming_2

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

JustKeepSwimming

So, "your" cat is just a Two Dinner Sid cat then?:rotfl: Just sharing affections between two households by the look of it. I'd be just so tempted to send him home with a little note attached to his collar saying "Hi, I'm his other owner (translate "slave"). Just saying hello:rotfl:".

U3A thoughts to date are walking/reading group/Welsh conversation (though I only really need to talk to pretty much any of my neighbours for that...because nearly 100% of the people in my immediate vicinity are native Welsh speakers).

He was a Four Dinner Sid but my neighbours on one side have now got a dog so he doesn't go there any more, & a lady across the road that he used to visit has moved & been replaced by a family with another dog. Cat looks sadly at their front door & looks like he's shaking his head in disbelief :rotfl:. He's not lost any weight yet either.

U3A sounds fun - good luck with the Welsh. I tried to learn it when I lived there years ago, but I'm not linguistically gifted.

groatie_queen wrote: »

I've long maintained that in Utopia there would be a membership based national singlies support service, with a monthly subscription, where practical help would be available when ill, e.g. for running errands, doing a bit of housework, making meals etc.. Like the AA but for supporting singlies when they "break down".

I suppose the next best thing in real life today would be to have the local number for a recommended paid care agency, and keep a pot of money, say £250 or so against needing to use their services from time to time.

Something I must give more thought to, with no local friends or family to help out should I be confined to the house.

This isn't intended to be gloomy, just practical. I think we know to keep a store cupboard and food in the freezer, but what about taking a script to the pharmacy and changing the bed or laundry done when incapacitated? I know from experience just how hard it can be.

How would you manage if really off your feet?

I dread to think how I'd manage if I was ill for more than a week (I simply don't have the time to be ill for that long ). Most of my neighbours are frail & elderly, & the few that aren't are all frantic with work/shifts/kids that I'd hate to impose. I haven't thought about approaching a care agency, so I'll have to look into that as most of my real friends all live some distance away.

I guess I'd just manage - as long as I had t'internet to order stuff & do banking. I still use a milkman even though it isn't very MSE, but they do deliver 3x week reliably & have quite a wide range of essentials. I have enough food to feed us for a month at least, just have to hope the kids would step up (scary thought :rotfl:) & cook it. But if I couldn't get to the bathroom on my own - :eek:. I'll have to put it on my list of things to think about which never gets any shorter.

I'm at home today with a sick child - so I'm Little Miss Popular at work as we're soooo busy, & losing a day's pay . But we can both stay in PJs & I've had lots of tea :T

Grousecot - delighted that all has gone well for you & I hope all continues to improve. I've always had a donor card, but thought it was all done online now?

Regarding aging parents - this is another thing I need to consider (but don't want to IYKWIM). The only practical advice I can add alongside LIR's excellent diary suggestion is to try & get regular samples of their handwriting (if you suspect dementia &/or neurological conditions like Parkinson's). Not easy to do unless the person cooperates, & very much like spying but a geriatrician I knew said this could give a lot of insight into a person's condition in some cases.

LIR - sorry to hear that having RP isn't working as well as you'd hoped. Would you be able to share your concerns with RP's GP (even if GP won't discuss RP with you, s/he should listen to your concerns & how it is affecting your own health). My Dad was also a functioning alcoholic which masked some of his other physical health conditions, so it can be difficult to get a true picture. It isn't easy but you must look after your own health first (sorry if that sounds patronising, it isn't meant to).

Byatt - I had an Aspie partner once (had moments of utter joy & hilarity but was jolly hard work on a daily, practical basis). When I was bed bound recovering from an operation he'd tell me he wanted a cuppa, & couldn't fathom that I genuinely couldn't do it. (He didn't expect me to do everything domestic but as we we're in my house then, to him, I should be the one to "do" just as he couldn't cope with me making tea in his home). When his need for a cuppa got too great he drove himself home & made himself one there. No thought that maybe I'd like a cup, & even when I asked him to make me one it was so "wrong" to him that he just could not do it. Trying to explain this behaviour to others is hard - their view is that he simply didn't care or he'd have made me a cup, but it isn't that simple at all.

Lovely as he was, he really wasn't much help when I needed him (although he single handedly rescued 2 people from a horrific car accident before the emergency services arrived, saving both their lives. He organised bystanders to stop oncoming traffic to prevent further accidents & covered up the passenger who wasn't so lucky & had appalling injuries with a blanket, then gave the police etc. a very clear history of what had happened & the treatment he'd given, all without batting an eyelid when there we're men around him vomiting into the bushes & crying like babies. I only learnt of his involvement from the police as he didn't think he'd done anything special & couldn't understand the fuss).

Wilsooon - that link doesn't work for me.

Hope all are doing well today & a :grouphug: to those in need (is it just me that finds that smilie a little disturbing?)

skogar

Grousecot - hope you are soon fully recovered from the op.

Hugs to LIR.

With regards to 2 dinners Sid. I used to lodge in a house with a cat. I remember my landlady getting in a bit late coming into the front room and saying "Has nobody fed this cat." "Well I fed him" I said, "and I fed him" said her daughter, "and I fed him" said my friend. He was a very good actor. He used to go next door and get fed there too!

Byatt

JKS, I can see from your post you understand. It's always a relief when someone "gets" it. Yes, my DD too, is great in other people's emergencies, has been praised many times, she loves the being in control aspect.

MTSTM, I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by the ah ha moment. My DD doesn't have ah ha moments. Each moment of the day is a new experience, she doesn't learn from experience. It was me that had the ah ha moment regarding her understanding. Wish I could explain better.

edit, just to add, online tests might give an "idea" but diagnosis takes more than one form and "based on the prescence of multiple symptoms", and is an ongoing process. This link ,ight be quite useful http://www.helpguide.org/mental/autism_spectrum.htm

Sorry if I've taken over the thread too much.

ThanksWilsoon, I'm feeling better but still have a cough, the damp weather and cold doesn't help here!