I think IVF has cost me my friendship

duchy

Wow
Was she always such a rubbish friend expecting her needs to be above yours or did she turn into a Bridezilla over the wedding.

Frankly by the time the reception came why was she even bothered who was dancing...... the only person she should have noticed was there or not was the groom !

Ames

I haven't read all the replies, but I don't think it's IVF ruining the friendship, it's the self centredness of the 'friend' that's ruining the friendship.

peachyprice

So she got married, if all it took to 'spoil her day' is her best friend being less than attentive that doesn't say much about her marriage. On our wedding day the only person I had eyes for was my husband, it was our day, no one else could have spoilt that.

I think she's being incredibly selfish to complain that you didn't give her enough attention on her wedding day when you've gone through fertility problems, the pain and heartache of miscarriage and now IVF. Sorry but her bloomin 'big day' pales into insignificance.

pukkamum

could it be she's suffering from post wedding blues and taking it out on you.
I know a lot of women feel very down after the big day probably as it has been such a huge part of their life for the year leading up to it, lots of attention people talking about it etc and when its over they feel a bit deflated.


I would tell her exactly what you have told us, she's had her rant now you have the right to reply.


I would say that you are sorry if she felt that way but you had x, y and z going on at the time and you feel upset at her comments.


There's every chance that it isn't only you she is feeling this way about, I often find the nicest friend gets the brunt of emotion felt for other friends who wouldn't respond the way she wanted.


Please don't let it spoil your friendship but don't let her make you feel bad either.

lisawood78

oh Wow.
I've been through 9 rounds of IVF and was thoroughly self centred, selfish and most likely vile through all of them. Couldn't and can't help it as it is so all consuming and horrendous.
It sounds as though you did an absolutely sterling job under the extremely stressful circumstances and that your friend is being insensitive, a drama queen and a really rubbish friend!

HPoirot

Your best friend doesn't sound like a good friend at all if she keeps a tally of all the things she has done for you in the past, ie at your wedding, and expects the exact same favours back no matter what your circumstances.

seven-day-weekend

And when all is said and done, it is only one day out of the rest of her life, the only purpose of which is to have a party, because the legal bit could have been done in a registry office.

Whereas your issues could affect the rest of your life, not just one day.

She's being unfair, honestly.

Stephb1986_2

If you was my friend and it was my wedding day I would be more worried about you than the wedding, as long as she got married what is the problem? She sounds like a right self centred cow.


We have 11 weeks to go until we get married and I'm sure if any of our friends were going through what you have/are going through we would just be glad you are coming.


Steph xx

jenhug

So let me get this right, you weren't even a bridesmaid but you are such a close friend that by you not being able to lead the conga line around the dance floor means you ruined her big day AND the post honeymoon experience for her?

Wow. Just WOW.

Derby2

I really appreciate all your comments-I've spent all weekend in tears and wishing I could turn back time. I honestly thought I would get a hammering

She really is a lovely, lovely person although she may not be coming across as such, and I'm hoping that once a bit of time has passed she can have a look at what's happened and take a more rational view. I don't think she wants children, so it must be difficult for her to empathise with someone with infertility.

If I'm being honest, I suspect there is an element of post-wedding/January blues, and I might be bearing the brunt of her disappointment that she couldn't have the wedding she wanted/deserved but whether she will ever see that, I don't know.

I don't think she has said anything to the bridesmaids because I suspect her expectations from them weren't as high as the ones she had of me and so they haven't let her down as much.

I'm going to give her some space and time, and then write her a letter and just let her know that I hope we can get past it.

Thank you all again.