Elderly ex-pat nightmare,,any advice?

dodger1

mcdunstan wrote: »

Costs at present per month:
Health insurance for both parents: £2400 per month

What do they get for this £2,400 a month?

~Chameleon~

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Everything will sell at the right price. Even if you get £100K for the apartment, that will be enough to see them through the rest of their years comfortably. Then you can find somewhere cheaper for brother to live - he doesn't have to be in the expensive area if his parents are in the UK.

Have you any idea how unsettling it can be for someone with schizophrenia to undergo significant changes to their daily lifestyle and routine? Even moving into his parents' flat will have an impact upon his health but at least it's somewhere familiar and a place of safety.

jacques_chirac

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Have you any idea how unsettling it can be for someone with schizophrenia to undergo significant changes to their daily lifestyle and routine? Even moving into his parents' flat will have an impact upon his health but at least it's somewhere familiar and a place of safety.

Given that they are willing to leave him out there without any family support, that does not appear to be the OP's primary concern. I would be more concerned at having him close by than leaving him with some woman who sells aloe vera gel.

~Chameleon~

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Given that they are willing to leave him out there without any family support, that does not appear to be the OP's primary concern. I would be more concerned at having him close by than leaving him with some woman who sells aloe vera gel.

Presumably he's happy and settled with this woman if she's been in his life for 10 years so no reason to believe he would be at significant risk if the parents moved back to the UK. Spain is only a couple of hours away after all if he needed urgent care.

SandraScarlett

mcdunstan wrote: »

Costs at present per month:
Health insurance for both parents: £2400 per month
Carers: £2000 per month
Brother's rent: £1000 (they live in the most expensive area of Spain in Puerto Banus & has always wanted to be near parents but not with them)
Brother's living allowance: £1000 a month
Basically, we give them £7000 a month to cover their lives.

If they stay in Spain they could get free healthcare but it is difficult because of reasons I said before. Families are expected to do the nursing care & we're not there & they are always in and our of hospital...hence expensive Bupa costs.

They could get free carers but you have to apply & it's complicated & it's not our language. Plus the carers might not be as sympathetic to my m-in-law as the ones she has now. They are English & can cope with her accusations, violent outburst etc. Would a minimum wage Spanish carer be able to cope as well??

If we cut those costs we would just pay about £2k - £2.5k a month. But still a huge commitment.

If they come here we have a holiday rental flat they could live in but it has stairs up to it so Mother would be housebound, but it would cost us about £600 a month for them to live there. We could get carers for £300 a week & we can help because we are near them. Brother would have no rent in Spain as he would live in there flat, so just his living expenses. So cost would be about £3k a month.

If they came to the UK & got carers allowance that would mean approx £1.6k a month to cover rent here & brother's living costs in Spain.

If they got housing benefit & got a sheltered accommodation flat & carers allowance it would be just £1k to cover brother's living costs.

Brother who is 50, is settled in Spain, registered as schizophrenic, can't work, never worked & to move him would be dreadful for him as he has a girlfriend of 10 years who is Spanish. (She is older, doesn't work, just sells Aloe Gel stuff for pocket money..Job market is very bad there anyway)

With an asset, (their flat in Spain) worth £200k but unsellable in Spanish market..it's not in good condition either..even the refurbed ones don't sell...
Would this asset be taken into account for carers allowance and housing benefit in the UK bearing in mind they have a dependent in Spain who needs to live in their flat?? They have been paying for the son from the age of 18. The Father has agreed to put the flat in our name so that there is no way the brother can be taken advantage of by the Spanish girlfriend after the parents have died. If it's in joint names with the brothers & the brother marries the girlfriend which is possible...we could face a problem. If it's in our name we know he always has somewhere to live & not a bedsit or B&B on housing benefit in the UK which he would make him ill again.

They obviously paid NI contributions in UK for years, have a UK pension. Brother can't get disability allowance in Spain from Spanish as far as I'm aware.

Good God! That means you have £84000, eighty four thousand pounds a year going to them? How is it going to be more expensive to just bring them over here? You have your own expenses as well, you mentioned a young family, so how on earth are you funding £100K plus, so that your in-laws and your own family survive?


If it looks like a troll, walks like a troll and smells like a troll, it's not a duck!


xx

jacques_chirac

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Presumably he's happy and settled with this woman if she's been in his life for 10 years so no reason to believe he would be at significant risk if the parents moved back to the UK. Spain is only a couple of hours away after all if he needed urgent care.

Ironic that you think moving five minutes down the road would be catastrophic, yet it would be ok for him to wait 'a couple of hours' in an emergency (plus the time to get to the airport and wait for the next flight). You do have a tendency for dramatics Chameleon!

elsien

Sometimes there isn't a best option, just a least bad one. It probably will be difficult for the brother to move, but if the OP is not able to continue paying out at the current rate, there isn't a choice.
Or rather the choice would be move somewhere cheaper or relocate to the uk. Which of those would be least traumatic for everyone?
There's the ideal, then there's real life. In my book the OP has already gone above and beyond to do as much as they have.

Errata

SandraScarlett wrote: »

Good God! That means you have £84000, eighty four thousand pounds a year going to them? How is it going to be more expensive to just bring them over here? You have your own expenses as well, you mentioned a young family, so how on earth are you funding £100K plus, so that your in-laws and your own family survive?


If it looks like a troll, walks like a troll and smells like a troll, it's not a duck!


xx

It's rather more than £84k, as that's after tax. A total figure that would make even Charles Saatchi's eyes water.

~Chameleon~

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Ironic that you think moving five minutes down the road would be catastrophic, yet it would be ok for him to wait 'a couple of hours' in an emergency (plus the time to get to the airport and wait for the next flight). You do have a tendency for dramatics Chameleon!

When did I say moving five minutes down the road would be catastrophic? You were suggesting he moved to a completely different area and I explained why this might not be a good idea.

And he has his girlfriend who is also his live in carer and presumably very well informed and experienced in taking care of him. His parents have their own health issues so presumably have very little input into his day to day care anyway.

So, who exactly is it that's being overly dramatic? Certainly not me. I'm speaking from extensive experience in these matters.

jacques_chirac

~_hameleon~ wrote: »

When did I say moving five minutes down the road would be catastrophic? You were suggesting he move to a completely different area and I explained why this might not be a good idea.

And he has his girlfriend who is also his live in carer and presumably very well informed and experienced in taking care of him. His parents have their own health issues so presumably have very little input into his day to day care anyway.

So, who exactly is it that's being overly dramatic? Certainly not me. I'm speaking from extensive experience in these matters.

I said he did not need to be in the expensive area, nowhere did I suggest he move to a completely different area. You responded 'have you any idea how unsettling it can be' for him to move - implying it would be very traumatic/ catastrophic/ other suitably dramatic word. Was that not what you meant?

You're not the only one with 'extensive experience' here, I live with mental illness everyday. However I also live in the real world, and choose to make the best out of a bad situation rather than making everything into a trauma.