The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

Honey_Bear

Arkers wrote: »

Had a couple on Saturday (4 G&Ts) am I allowed to say that I really enjoyed them?

Yes! That's exactly what drinking should be like - appreciated for exactly what it is, knowing when to stop and then stopping.

I think for me if I only allow myself a couple of days a week where I have a drink, it is a treat. I'm not bothered by chocolate and the like but wine and gin however...!! and I have said to myself so long as I can put the brakes on and not drink throughout the week then this will be my syn (slimming world) allowance. Problem is if I don't manage that slippery slope then I will need to reconsider.

That sounds about the perfect approach to it, to me.

Honey do you think that your friend may have had elements of this behaviour for years, and that because you're now sober you can now see this?

I've known for years that both he and his other half have a problem with booze. She stops fairly early and passes out (calling it 'going to sleep') but never gets aggresive and because she passes out, her boozing is limited. He, however, gets aggressive after a certain amount and always has, so I've known for years that he has a problem. My being sober hasn't changed my feelings about it, just made me realise that what I'm seeing is an esculating pattern not a series of one-off occurences.

Is there an element of there but the grace of God?

Probably, because we all know that stopping once and for all is a bit of a toughie and I'm just so relieved I've been through that and come out happy the other side. And I do know that I have to be thankful every single day that I stopped when I did, because every day he keeps drinking, the tougher stopping would be. He's in his late fifties, he's hugely overweight and during the feast his aggression was directly very personnally at one individual, which new behaviour as far as I'm concerned - apparently not new according to the person at whom the aggression was aimed.

Just interested to know how many of your friend's know about your sobriety, have you shared this with them? I have only really mentioned my new approach to drinking to one or two people, I wonder if I've done this just in case I can't see it through?

I went to a wedding on the very first day I stopped drinking, and toasted the bride and groom with a full glass without taking a sip - and they still don't know I've stopped. After that I kept away from boozy situations for a couple of weeks completely and then told friends one by one I'd stopped when I saw them. After completing the 100 Day Challenge I put it on my Facebook page and said it was for keeps. There are still people I haven't told, but pretty much everyone I see regularly now knows and most people have been absolutely fine about it.

Anyone who says, 'But you didn't have a problem' doesn't know enough about alcohol problems. I did, I knew it and their idea of 'a problem' is probably the chap in the park on the bench with a bottle of cider and an unwashed aroma surrounding them, like an adult version of Peanut's Pigpen. I was starting to develop a secret drinking habit, I got aggressive after a certain amount, my consumption was way over any kind of safe limits and it wasn't unusual for me to be drunk five nights a week. I call that a problem, just because they didn't see it doesn't mean it wasn't there. It might just mean they hadn't observed it.

Unlike my weight loss which is now very apparent drinking is something that you can hide to a degree. However, glad you had a lovely time.

Thank you, I did. I hope the weight loss is something that you wanted.

piggles1 wrote: »

It's a shame when friends become agressive drunks. I had an ex like that, and even after medical advice when he stopped for a bit he went back to the same again. He used to turn very nasty as if he had a problem with everyone. It's awful to see really and there isn't a lot that will get through at that point.

I wouldn't dream of tackling anyone at that point, but after the last episode of this behaviour I mentioned to my partner that I really minded the chap saying 'She's a dirty b****' every time a woman appeared on TV; this time my partner said, '[Name], what's that all about?' and it stopped.

One of my problems is that we spend a lot of time with this couple; high days and holidays, and I'm at the point where I no longer want to because I don't like his drunken behaviour. I can't see how we can get out of it without busting up what has been a very longstanding and really brilliant friendship. So, I'm very sad and because of Jane, it's all a bit raw. It's not helped by the fact that someone else we all know had a major stroke last year and I don't need to specify all of the horrible effects of that for anyone to get the picture. Suffice to say - he's never going home.

*Flea be gone vibes* heading your way.

Wanna_Bee_Free wrote: »

Honeybear thanks for the target reaching vibes, please send me a time machine, it's the only way now! I am strangely not indulging in my usual self hatred at this point. I am prepared to stand behind my past self today peacefully. It has been what it was.

The time machine has gone for repair because I just can't make the wretched thing work. Sorry.

29/31 please, Shaggy.

cathybird

Honey_Bear wrote: »

The time machine has gone for repair because I just can't make the wretched thing work. Sorry.

Honey Bear, this made me laugh, thanks for the good start to the day

Re your friend's behavior when drunk, sounds awful - good thing your partner said something!

15/15 for me today please Shaggy.

I said I would do two extra AFDs this month but am clawing it back to one extra day because a friend has invited me to lunch on Thursday. I think doing extra days is a good thing though so plan to do so more often.

PriceySOS

20 please, Shaggy, ta Target achieved for AFD's, but units on each non AFD are not good for this month. I am going away for a for a few days, but going to try to continue my AFD's until the end of March, then I can start the new month and use some of the non-AFD allowance plus unit allowance. If that makes sense lol!!

Target of 20 for April, please, Shaggy

Arkers

HONEY BEAR - Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us I find your comments resonate and are very insightful.


Piggles - I can empathise with the fleas we moved into a house years ago, and we had a dog, the woman who'd lived in the house before us would now be known as a "cat lady," with every feline friend obviously full of the blighters. Our poor dog got eaten alive. I hope you get it sorted quickly, and it doesn't affect your health too much.


1 AFD for last night please Shaggy, not sure what my target should be for April, but I am going to aim for 20 please.


Arkers x

piggles1

Wanna_Bee_Free wrote: »

I was AF as planned last Tuesday and so I am at 6/14. Shaggy, please would you enter 14 next to my name as my target for April.

Honeybear thanks for the target reaching vibes, please send me a time machine, it's the only way now! I am strangely not indulging in my usual self hatred at this point. I am prepared to stand behind my past self today peacefully. It has been what it was.

I have had two vl days, one half glass of beer one day and one small wine the other and two wtm days over the long weekend.

I am planning to be AF today, tomorrow & Thursday.

wtm = Way too much!

Piggles, Things will get sorted, hope things improve for you.

To all those with the bunnies next to your name - well done! To anyone else, happy Tuesday, onwards and upwards.

thanks Wanna Bee Free I'm hoping it gets sorted next week. G'luck to you as well. It's a tough old road but at least when we make targets it makes some kind of order out of a daily up and downness challenge. Well done on the only one drink days. I really struggle with that one and it's getting to the point where I might as well not start.

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Anyone who says, 'But you didn't have a problem' doesn't know enough about alcohol problems. I did, I knew it and their idea of 'a problem' is probably the chap in the park on the bench with a bottle of cider and an unwashed aroma surrounding them, like an adult version of Peanut's Pigpen. I was starting to develop a secret drinking habit, I got aggressive after a certain amount, my consumption was way over any kind of safe limits and it wasn't unusual for me to be drunk five nights a week. I call that a problem, just because they didn't see it doesn't mean it wasn't there. It might just mean they hadn't observed it.

This made sense to me. I've been told many times 'but you haven't got a problem' when I have had for years. I thought I wasn't a secret drinker, but that was because I was always by myself drinking anyway so I had no one to hide it from. And when I got angry there was no one there to receive it. I also used to go to different shops so no one shop would know how much I was buying. People might have seen me have a couple when out, but didn't know I carried on till the small hours when I got home. You (as in 'one') know it yourself when you've got an alcohol problem.

Even a couple of weeks ago when I realised my stocks were low I was a bit shocked at how panicky I still was that I might not have any booze in, even if I'm not drinking it. I'd like to get away from that thinking and it'll be a huge step for me to let the cupboard run dry. One day I will, and the acorn is there at least.

Thanks for the flea be gone vibes Every time I move something to get the place ready for de-fleaing they leap out and bite me. They're absolutely everywhere

I had none again last night and today woke very early and ready to tackle things. I've got some stuff done, and decided what to put in the cupboard spaces I have left. I'm presuming that after the treatment I can get things out of the cupboard into the treated areas and they'll end up flea-free as well. *cross fingers*

ETA thanks Arkers they are a multiplying menace aren't they! Your poor doggy.

8/10 AFD please shaggy, thanks for keeping scores

shaggydoo

Afternoon :hello:

2 more AFDs for Thursday & yesterday. 1 ALD for Saturday.



Shaggyx

shaggydoo

smiley_77 wrote: »

Think I might take up walking rather than jogging to start off with.

I love walking!

shaggydoo

CuppaTea wrote: »

2 afds please shaggy. Enforced by a bout of d&v. Can't even contemplate alcohol. Hope it lasts.

shaggydoo

Honey_Bear wrote: »

One of my problems is that we spend a lot of time with this couple; high days and holidays, and I'm at the point where I no longer want to because I don't like his drunken behaviour. I can't see how we can get out of it without busting up what has been a very longstanding and really brilliant friendship. So, I'm very sad and because of Jane, it's all a bit raw. It's not helped by the fact that someone else we all know had a major stroke last year and I don't need to specify all of the horrible effects of that for anyone to get the picture. Suffice to say - he's never going home.

How sad HB I've never had to get rid of friends from my life because they drink too much. However, I've met some people who seemed to be really nice and then realised that they drank very heavily and decided to give them a wide birth. Sad.

shaggydoo

March:

= 7 Days AF

= 14 days AF

= 21 days AF
= 28 days AF

= 31 days AF

= target achieved


Alcohol Free Days
Arkers 23/15
Barny1979 23/26
CathyBird 15/15
CountingPenniesClaire 18/21
CuppaTea 10/19
DebJay 19/22
DizzyImp 28/31

Effyb4 /14
Ellsbel 25/31
ElusiveLucy 15/20
Gabriel 30/30
Gien 13/15
Honey Bear 28/31
Mackeroo 7/10

Maggie 2/13
Maman 9/10

Muser /22
NewMe 8/12
Piggles 8/10
Pricey 20/20
Satchmo 24/27
SandyPan 20/21
Shaggy 16/17
SmallHoldingSister 8/21
Smiley_77 29/31
StuPotStu 17/31

WBF 6/14

Yellowmonkey 4/10

Alcohol Low Days
CountingPennieClaire 19/25
Debjay 22/TF
Shaggy 22/22




Everyone Welcome! It's never too late to join....

Please highlight your AFDs in Red

Don't hesitate to let me know if I've made a mistake!