The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

smallholdingsister

Thanks Piggles and Maman.xxx

Honey_Bear

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Back on the waggon tomorrow.

Good. We all allow ourselves to do things we know we shouldn't (four bars of chocolate in a week anyone?); as Maman says, the trick is to draw a line under that episode and move on.

piggles1 wrote: »

Thanks Honey Bear I will call the MS Society phone line when I've got the right head on. Thanks for the forum link, I hadn't seen that.

Gives you something to read when you don't know what to do with yourself, anyway, doesn't it?

I did have half a bottle of wine the other night when I was trying to get back to feeling myself again. I was a bit rubbish the next day but business as usual and went back to an AFD so although I think occasionally I want to have more than I planned it seems short lived and then I remember my targets. It seems to happen towards the end of the month of restricting myself.

Ditto, as for SHR, and know you're in good company. We all do it; it's just that some of us have other vices.

I have a question to do with that for you if I can ask Honey Bear. At what point did you decide you weren't going to drink anything for as long as a year, or a month, or from now on? I wondered whether it was always the goal or whether it became the goal and how you approached it.

I simply could not have done it if I'd decided that was it, I was never going to drink again and then relied on my own self-discipline. I signed up for Belle's 100 Day Challenge and joined this thread here. at Post 2571 and without both I would have caved at some point.

Then I went to the library and borrowed every single book they had about women who had made the decision to stop drinking, and read every blog I could find by women who had done the same thing too. By the time I'd devoured all the reading material I could lay my hands on it was a month later and I was starting to feel so much better sticking with it seemed like a good idea.

The first two weeks I could hardly move I was so tired but Maman and a couple of other people on this thread told me that was due to the lack of sugar, having cut out booze, so I started eating all the things I had cravings for. L!d1's wholenut milk chocolate bars are my go-to when I still get them, hence the four last week.

I'm just about to go to L!d1 now to stock up again and if they get eaten over Christmas and New Year, that's fine. I lost well over a stone about six months in by cutting out all the junk for a week here and there and I'm far enough below my target weight to be able to put a pound or two back on and not lose sleep over it. I'd dearly love to have a 28" waist again which it hasn't been for oooooh at least a decade if not fifteen years, so that's one of next year's goals.

I did it by setting relatively easy short-term goals, one at a time. Massive ones, like new year's resolutions, are just too challenging for me and I give up really quickly. Feeling a failure isn't good for anyone, so I don't allow myself to set unachieveable targets like 'Give up drinking, lose 3 stone, go to the gym at least three times a week.' With that I'd last less than a day! Whereas, go to bed at 8.30 pm and switch the light out by 10.30pm is achievable for Month 1, and it meant I removed myself from temptation.

When I gave up completely before I had a plan to move house so it started with saving up and changing things. And I remember Graeme saying on this thread he had to change himself. I don't think I've got to that point yet this time so my AFDs have an alcohol day at the end of them.

Stopping boozing was the single best thing I've ever done, and the changing of myself followed on once I'd stopped boozing. For me it wasn't a chicken and egg situation - it was a choice between allowing myself to drink and then behave badly when I drank, which was risking the most important relationship in my life, or getting to grips with it before drinking became even more serious.

I'd been aware for some years that I couldn't control my drinking and whenever I thought about stopping it just seemed too daunting. The idea that I couldn't have champagne to celebrate my birthday and Christmas and massive achievements was so unthinkable that there didn't seem any point in stopping the rest of the time. And I didn't want to, either.

Doing all the reading changed that mindset, fortunately, because there's a little known but jolly useful fact - once you know something, you can't unknow it. Once I realised the risks I was taking by carrying on drinking, the temptation to allow myself just one rather slipped away. The cravings go; how long that takes will vary for person to person and it's been a while since the thought that having a drink sounded like a good idea to me, thank goodness.

I'm just glad I got out when I did, regardless of whether I was addicted or not. I don't know whether I'm an alcoholic and I don't care. To be honest it doesn't matter any more - I don't drink; it's quite straightforward and a huge relief.

maman wrote: »

That's exactly the right thing to do. Draw that line and move on.:)

I think of them as 's*d it ' days usually when I've reached target or know I'll easily do it. It's a case of drinking because I can. Hopefully you'll soon get to a place where not drinking becomes your default position (I hate the idea of you 'restricting yourself' Personally I prefer to think of planning when I drink and when I don't. Maybe semantics but it makes sense to me.)and then you'll think carefully whether to bother at all.

Hear hear.

Good, Dizzy.

Good to see you posting again, Alex. The figures look good and I strongly suspect you aren't the only person who's earmarked those days!

Today is the shortest day, so from here on in they'll start to get longer. Good-oh.

21/31 please, Shaggy.

PriceySOS

12 please, Shaggy, thanks

debjay

15/18 for tonight please.

Barny1979

12/15 AFDs today

satchmo1

14/20 AFDs tonight.


Spent 2 hours going through boxes in the study looking for gift tags, only to find them in with my carrier bag of Christmas cards on the dining room table.


Oh well, now every book box is emptied, flattened and put out for recycling, and the second set of bookshelves is packed with text books. Nearer to spring I'm going to put all the gardening books on sale, as we now have a communal garden. The marketing books can go too - NLP for Telesales anyone?

CountingPenniesClaire

Another AFD today. 17/25 please shaggy. Nearly xmas - exciting!! might be a bit pushed to make target. Was hoping to wet my whistle on xmas day and ny eve which means I'll only make 24 but that's substantially better than most of the previous months since July!! gonna go for 28/31 for Jan I think. First week we're away in Spain for a walking in the Sierra d'aitana mountains so need to keep a clear head at least until the last day!!!!

Have a Super Tuesday everyone xxxx

maman

satchmo1 wrote: »

Oh well, now every book box is emptied, flattened and put out for recycling, and the second set of bookshelves is packed with text books. Nearer to spring I'm going to put all the gardening books on sale, as we now have a communal garden. The marketing books can go too - NLP for Telesales anyone?

You've got me thinking about resolutions satchmo. I had a good period of decluttering but there's always more that can be done.:)


Although I've had a drink every day since Thursday, the weekend has been moderate and delighted to report 3 nights in a row where I've slept right through. I've woken up feeling refreshed which is brilliant. Not sure whether an AF night with too much tea will break that but I'm not going to drink tonight.


It would be too easy to just drift into Christmas with no more AF days at all but I don't want to. So next drink will be Christmas Eve unless any unexpected socialising comes up.


11 AFDs please Shaggy.

Honey_Bear

Chrimbo celebrations start today for us and very happily the pub wher we're staying does B***s Blue. Hog roast tonight with lots of friends who are gathering there. Excellent.

22/31 please Shaggy.

piggles1

maman wrote: »

I think of them as 's*d it ' days usually when I've reached target or know I'll easily do it. It's a case of drinking because I can. Hopefully you'll soon get to a place where not drinking becomes your default position (I hate the idea of you 'restricting yourself' Personally I prefer to think of planning when I drink and when I don't. Maybe semantics but it makes sense to me.)and then you'll think carefully whether to bother at all.

Thanks maman Thinking about it, I suppose I call it restricting myself because my brain only seems to work that way. I was brought up with rules and punishments, no rewards or praise. So although if I 'slip up' as I call it (!) I allow myself the slip up, but there's no deserving, or fun, or planning for the allowance. I think I'm just about getting used to allowing myself to bend my own rules and not berate myself for it.

It's very tricky with booze and not a situation I've ever been in before, cutting down and whether I'm allowed to go against it and for how long. I'm totally not used to any praise, let alone for not drinking, so struggle to say that to myself.

I'm pleased I've had days without and done better than I expected, but it's in my head as a fact, not a pat on the back.

In fact, any days with booze in I see as feeding 'evil me' and being naughty, not that it was planned and allowed. I hadn't realised how it all worked in my head until I typed that out

Honey_Bear wrote: »

I have a question to do with that for you if I can ask Honey Bear. At what point did you decide you weren't going to drink anything for as long as a year, or a month, or from now on? I wondered whether it was always the goal or whether it became the goal and how you approached it.

I simply could not have done it if I'd decided that was it, I was never going to drink again and then relied on my own self-discipline. I signed up for Belle's 100 Day Challenge and joined this thread here. at Post 2571 and without both I would have caved at some point.

Then I went to the library and borrowed every single book they had about women who had made the decision to stop drinking, and read every blog I could find by women who had done the same thing too. By the time I'd devoured all the reading material I could lay my hands on it was a month later and I was starting to feel so much better sticking with it seemed like a good idea.

The first two weeks I could hardly move I was so tired but Maman and a couple of other people on this thread told me that was due to the lack of sugar, having cut out booze, so I started eating all the things I had cravings for. L!d1's wholenut milk chocolate bars are my go-to when I still get them, hence the four last week.

I'm just about to go to L!d1 now to stock up again and if they get eaten over Christmas and New Year, that's fine. I lost well over a stone about six months in by cutting out all the junk for a week here and there and I'm far enough below my target weight to be able to put a pound or two back on and not lose sleep over it. I'd dearly love to have a 28" waist again which it hasn't been for oooooh at least a decade if not fifteen years, so that's one of next year's goals.

I did it by setting relatively easy short-term goals, one at a time. Massive ones, like new year's resolutions, are just too challenging for me and I give up really quickly. Feeling a failure isn't good for anyone, so I don't allow myself to set unachieveable targets like 'Give up drinking, lose 3 stone, go to the gym at least three times a week.' With that I'd last less than a day! Whereas, go to bed at 8.30 pm and switch the light out by 10.30pm is achievable for Month 1, and it meant I removed myself from temptation.

When I gave up completely before I had a plan to move house so it started with saving up and changing things. And I remember Graeme saying on this thread he had to change himself. I don't think I've got to that point yet this time so my AFDs have an alcohol day at the end of them.

Stopping boozing was the single best thing I've ever done, and the changing of myself followed on once I'd stopped boozing. For me it wasn't a chicken and egg situation - it was a choice between allowing myself to drink and then behave badly when I drank, which was risking the most important relationship in my life, or getting to grips with it before drinking became even more serious.

I'd been aware for some years that I couldn't control my drinking and whenever I thought about stopping it just seemed too daunting. The idea that I couldn't have champagne to celebrate my birthday and Christmas and massive achievements was so unthinkable that there didn't seem any point in stopping the rest of the time. And I didn't want to, either.

Doing all the reading changed that mindset, fortunately, because there's a little known but jolly useful fact - once you know something, you can't unknow it. Once I realised the risks I was taking by carrying on drinking, the temptation to allow myself just one rather slipped away. The cravings go; how long that takes will vary for person to person and it's been a while since the thought that having a drink sounded like a good idea to me, thank goodness.

I'm just glad I got out when I did, regardless of whether I was addicted or not. I don't know whether I'm an alcoholic and I don't care. To be honest it doesn't matter any more - I don't drink; it's quite straightforward and a huge relief.

Thanks for that Honey Bear I spent yesterday looking back from that part of the thread you linked to and reading all the information.

I took this test:
https://ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test

I did it once for the way I was before when I drank a lot, and scored highly, and then again for the way I am now and scored only slightly less. So even though I've had lots of days AF my mentality is still very similar to when I was drinking. That's a little bit worrying.

It's probably also the reason why when I went to the supermarket I bought a bottle of wine and a bottle of beer just in case I didn't have enough, although I've got a cupboard full that I'm not drinking.

I seem to prefer to have a load in and not bother with it than to get the panics if the cupboard is bare of booze. That'll have to be the next step then, to leave it all there and it might go down eventually, but not buy any more. And one day have none in the house.

But yeh, thanks very much for writing out your experience with giving up. It really shows a lot of carefully thought out resistance to drinking. It's an inspiration

I've had another couple of AFDs, so my total is:

16/17 AFD please shaggy