The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

Arkers

Good morning everyone,
6 AFD please Shaggy.
Arkers x

Toni'sfriend

Well done Single Lady (and everybody else). I'm up to 7 now, I find that so much socializing revolves around having a drink. In my parents' day you were offered a cup of tea when visiting friends, Now it's a glass of wine and before you know it you've had the bottle.

sukeyboo

4/12 for today please Shaggy

Diyer_2

Good morning everyone

5 af please/20

Honey_Bear

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Another work invite hit my
Mailbox today. It's one I can't get out of but would love to just come home after work and leave everyone to it.
I have never before questioned the alcohol culture at work, my parents think it's crazy as they (like you HB are NHS) and think it's appalling that your employer expects you to drink.
But, I had got used to it and it had become the norm.

I find it really interesting your friend was bored with her friends when she didn't drink. Annoyingly I think I have lots of relationships like this which is a bit worrying.

So one day at a time is best. My brain is running all over the place worrying about how I will cope out with work people but no alcohol. It's like it's trying to fit a square in a circle but I will try and find out if it can fit.

Thinking about researching with a book and reading up in cutting back.
I'm naturally shy and drink a lot at social gatherings because I feel out of my depth. This is the biggest issue for me because it's usually followed by embarrassing and regrettable actions and words.
If I could cut this out and drink sensibly I would but I still have not taught myself and learnt how to do this.

Sorry for long self-indulgent post. And thank you for all the help. xxx

It's not self-indulgent to think through why you drink, why it might be problematic and puzzle about how to change your behaviour. I suspect most of us who contribute to this thread think and feel exactly the same things.

Inadvertently we absorb a lot of our culture through the media and over the past 20 years or so booze has crept its way into our everyday social interactions. I've said it before but it's worth pointing out again - 20 years ago when a woman was shown coming home from work on TV she'd put the kettle on. Now she pours herself a glass of wine. I think it's supposed to show her as being sophisticated, deserving of a treat she can deliver herself (because, apparently, no one else will), to identify with her, and to normalise it so that the audience doesn't feel guilty about it, but rather comforted. I question ALL of those assumptions.

The reality is that once we've had one drink most of us will pour ourselves another one, unless we've got a shedload of self-discipline - and I hadn't. If I don't have the first, I won't have any of the others. That's how I keep on the straight and narrow and I've come to really enjoy this new life I've given myself.

I still find the idea of drinking connected with work profoundly shocking, PSL. That maybe because for quite some time I worked for an organisation that didn't allow anyone, under any circumstances, to have a drink and return to work, even though it had a social club on site. The company was a British Rail engineering depot, and if you think about it for a nanosecond you'll understand the zero tolerance policy. I hope the NHS practices the same abstinence now but it didn't when I worked for it subsequently, which on reflection is a bit worrying (not having a pop at NHS staff, obviously - that's a policy decision).

And all of that is about people drinking while being expected to work, but I rather suspect that most of the time you're talking about the drinking culture after work, socialising. That's just a macho culture which is over-riding good commonsense. When I drank socially I could choose the company I socialised with and my friends are a pretty tolerant, laid back mob. I can't say I found my work colleagues when I worked outside the home anything like as compatible although I made lifelong friends occasionally at work. Having to drink with colleagues would have worried me sick because after a couple our judgement is compromised (as in, it's so compromised after two we're not allowed to drive!) and some or most of us will say and do stuff we'd be better of not doing.

I'd be surprised if anyone who has more than a couple and then carries on will eventually say or do something that, with hindsight, they think might have been better left unsaid.

I cannot tell you how many times I woke up the next morning feeling very uncomfortable mentally about what I'd said or done the previous evening - and that was with friends, people who liked me and gave me a lot of latitude, as I did with them, although I rather suspect their goodwill was taxed more.

I shouldn't need to say you don't have to drink just because your colleagues choose to, but I will nonetheless because being expected to and it's obviously something that bothers you. Anything you can do to strengthen your resolve will help you. Reading blogs by people who are giving up booze and books by women in particular (because I happen to be one) helped me navigate through those first few weeks. Some of the blogs I read were written by women who, like you, were trying to navigate their way through a drinking culture connected with work like journalists or musicians, so you're not alone. Soberistas might be a good place to start on-line and I think you're allowed 50 visits before you have to pay but there are dozens out there that are free. It helped me enormously and I hope it does you, too.

9/31 please, Shaggy.

maman

Totally agree about expectations in the workplace. Fortunately that wasn't the case with mine. It wasn't exactly illegal to have a lunchtime drink but heavily frowned upon. It may seem trivial but there is an expectation that everyone will want to share in the cakes, chocolate and biscuits and avoiding those takes self discipline too.


I think it comes back to the idea of deserving a reward and then it becomes a daily expectation and a habit. I know that's what got me into daily drinking. And it's this thread that's got me out of it!:D


I'm out for a meal with friends tonight but drinking will be moderate.

CuppaTea

Great posts. Thanks guys.

Going to call early for tonight, I don't want to drink so I'm hoping by declaring early I will stick with it. Trying to stay on the straight and narrow this week and no school night drinking.

6/17 please Shaggy. I want to get my 7 days in for tomorrow.

sukeyboo

CuppaTea wrote: »

Going to call early for tonight, I don't want to drink so I'm hoping by declaring early I will stick with it. Trying to stay on the straight and narrow this week and no school night drinking.

Good call CuppaTea - I find that declaring early works well for me - I am trying to do the same and not drink this week until Friday

Barny1979

7/24 AFDs today

PriceySOS

7 please, Shaggy, thanks

I went to a 25th wedding anniversary party on Sat, and I drove. I was dreading it, not being able to have a few glasses of wine. But I really enjoyed it, had lots of chats with relatives, and really enjoyed dancing! I know that if I had had several glasses of wine, the next day I would have been really harsh on myself for dancing, wondering if anybody had noticed I had drunk too much etc etc.