The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

PriceySOS

14 please, Shaggy, ta

ManPants

Hello Everyone,

Firstly (and joyously) I have a further 2 AF to report taking me to 15/31 AF so far this month.

Thank you to Baileys, Honey, Maman, Graeme, Dizzy & CathyBird for your good wishes, wise words & input. In a way I almost wish I hadn't brought up my OHs' drinking & lifestyle choices as without the <significant> back story & the <significant> future plans; I do rather sit myself in isolation looking like a pious old donkey. I've read all your replies endless times over the last 2 days and I absolutely agree with all you say (and no offence taken & no high horses climbed up upon). I would just like to venture to say, I don't complain about OH to our friends, my friends or his family. It is only on this thread I unburden my concerns.

Having looked back at this threads I can see I have been contributing (off & on) since approx 2011. This would suggest I have been trying to moderate my drinking for at least 5 years on here, but thinking around holiday countries we've visited versus how fit/conditioned I was when there, I suspect I have been moderating my drinking, diet & exercise for at least 4 years prior to that. All of this would have been with a background of OH drinking every night. In essence, me "leading by example" and him doing as he pleases.

However, I take your points on and I agree, all I can do is manage myself.
Yesterday OH was in a foul mood and I ventured to broach it. As ever, his infernal family were at the root of it, followed closely by his hatred of his job & the complications there, and lastly I ventured to suggest myself for trying to get him to look after himself.
He wholeheartedly agreed and started a massive rant about why shouldn't he smoke, drink & have nice things to eat. I answered all of those things, sensibly, logically and without malice and left it at that. Last night we had some of his family for dinner so I was designated driver again and he got drunk and had puddings and chocolate.

Tonight we have a social engagement where I shall drink mineral water and get another AF day in.

Hope you all manage to avoid "Martini Monday" :-)
It used to be a favourite of mine!
M.P X

debjay

16/21 for tonight please.

Barny1979

15 for Saturday and 16 for today

smiley_77

23/31 for me please Shaggy

Arkers

Good morning everyone,


Last check in for a week 22 AFD please.
Thanks
Arkers x

ManPants

16/31 AF safely navigated through the evening, despite everyone else being really quite !!!!ed. Makes for quite dull nights out but glorious mornings after.

M.P X

Honey_Bear

Arkers wrote: »

Am I allowed to say that I think this abstinence business is becoming slightly easier. I say this, because I have put in place a methodology which helps, for example no or little social life:rotfl:.
Seriously, I prefer the way I feel both mentally and physically - long may it continue!

I wonder how much money I have saved by not spending so much on booze? Perhaps I should use some of it to have a little treat. I was thinking a pedicure or massage.

One of the things people who drink more than they think is sensible is finding treating or rewarding ourselves very difficult. The regime I follow 'prescribes' a treat every two days, which can be very small or whatever you feel is appropriate. I love cape gooseberries, raspberries and all sorts of exotic fruit (I lived in the tropics as a child) so my rewards are super easy to organise. I'd go ahead and book a pedicure and a massage, so that you've got something to look forward to.

Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of Maman supporters - without doubt the most welcoming and supportive of all the contributors on this thread. With you, Maman, I would have felt very differently about contributing. *mwah*

Well done on being sensible last night, SPS. You're doing really brilliantly. Yes, people do get tedious when they're drunk, but you've got a clear head this morning and doesn't that feel great?!

I don't doubt for a moment that your backstory circumstances are tough and that your OH's self-destructive habits are a huge cause for concern for you. I'd be just as worried if someone I loved just carried on regardless. You've said your piece, your OH is fully aware of how you feel, and that's all we can do.

Having recently attended the funeral of a friend of 40 years standing due to booze, I'm now watching our two best friends drink themselves into an early grave, and one of them has a huge, and growing, weight problem. Even knowing a mutual friend has put himself in a nursing home after a massive stroke, with resultant dementia, hasn't slowed him down and there's nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to change his behaviour, other than organise shared events like my birthday party around non-boozy evenings, which seems very little. Nagging, pointing out the error of their ways, trying to intervene etc will just make the situation worse, sadly.

On a lighter note, Martini Mondays?! It's not surprising you've been contributing here for a few years, is it?!

maman

Thank you all for being so kind. I'm pleased if I'm able to offer support and/or advice but it's only what I was offered when I started. What I love about the thread is how we're able to accept that we all have different journeys. I have huge admiration for those who want to give up completely or have an entire month off yet never criticise me for my very modest target. This month I'll just scrape the 10, next month I'm on holiday for almost three weeks so I'll be lucky to even reach that.

Honey_Bear wrote: »

I don't doubt for a moment that your backstory circumstances are tough and that your OH's self-destructive habits are a huge cause for concern for you. I'd be just as worried if someone I loved just carried on regardless. You've said your piece, your OH is fully aware of how you feel, and that's all we can do.

I agree completely. manpants, he'll know how you feel from now on in (and suspect he did before anyway) but he'll keep running away from the truth until he makes his own decision. If he does turn a corner then you'll have to judge whether he wants praise/encouragement or not. Maybe he'll just quietly make changes because the last thing he'll want is 'I told you so'. I think HB would concur that being AF will get less boring over time, it'll be normal and being pleased with being in control (and the promise of the morning after) will be enough.


I had a treat free evening yesterday cathy. I almost gave in but had a healthy pear instead.


Tonight I'm out for a meal with friends so not AF but will be moderate.:)

cathybird

Morning all! Gorgeous morning out these parts. It's 13/15 for me today.

I'm actually putting my treat-free system on hold for now - think it needs a rethink, as I am just eating too much on my days off! It was a useful thing to do though.

Having said that well done maman on eating the pear instead!