Awkward situation when making conversation with new people

hazyjo

Person_one wrote: »

Might surprise you, but a lot of people do actually enjoy their jobs.

I actually quite enjoy what I do - but would give up work like a shot if I could lol

Jx

hawk30

hazyjo wrote: »

I actually quite enjoy what I do - but would give up work like a shot if I could lol

Jx

I had the option of being a SAHM and chose to go back to work. I love my job and couldn't imagine staying at home.

OP I agree that people are just making conversation and are not judging you.

InsideInsurance

To put things a little blunter than some others, I think the issue is with you and your sensitivity to the situation more so than anything the people asking are doing.

You mention that this is mainly strangers/ recently met people that are asking, its a fairly normal question. Rightly or wrongly people are somewhat defined by their job, it takes up a massive part of our lives, its something most of us have and can create a conversation that normally isnt too sensitive (compared to asking what religion/ political leaning etc).

Follow on questions are also normal, to keep a conversation going, when you have a job its easy, when your are not working and are young then people are a bit stumped of what to ask. You could fill the gap talking about your hobbies rather than leaving things hanging.

There is potentially some element of jealousy from some, some may just be curious as to how you've managed to make it affordable for you.

We have a somewhat similar situation in that my wife "retired" at 30 though it wasnt on health grounds. She was sensitive to the questions, possibly more so as she isnt British by birth and so has more concern of people thinking she came here to take "our" benefits/ jobs etc as you see constantly plastered in the newspapers.

Once you are comfortable in your situation you will find answering their questions much easier

lostinrates

Morglin wrote: »

Most people just use work to make conversation, so I just say I'm retired and leave it at that.

What always makes me laugh, though, is if I'm having a 'wheelchair' period, some people seem to think it normal to come up and ask a complete stranger what is wrong with them lol

Or, even worse, they say to my husband, over my head 'what's wrong with her, then?' :rotfl:

Lin

I've been both obviously 'unwell' and not obviously unwell. Op describes being up younger than she looks, so probably 'invisibly' unwell. Its often hard for people to take on board this sort of thing, and frankly its not any ones business.

I go for housewife usually.

Fwiw my Husband also dislikes saying what he does for a living as its part of a whole story, but the whole is rarely relevant either. Sometimes, if asked together we say he's a polymath and I'm the factotum. (Tough could easily be reversed, DH is a real grafter).

I think the true key is to finish the response with a question....

I'm a housewife. (You could say I'vve been a house wife for x years since I retired from x career' if you preferred) then say ' so you work in estate agency do you? What areas does you office cover? Or anything that has a longer answer than yes or no. People generally pick this up and are happy to talk about them selves.

belfastgirl23

Person_one wrote: »

Might surprise you, but a lot of people do actually enjoy their jobs.

I enjoy mine as well but I'm still curious about what it's like to live life without that structure as I will be doing some day presuming I live long enough lol.

lostinrates

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I enjoy mine as well but I'm still curious about what it's like to live life without that structure as I will be doing some day presuming I live long enough lol.

Fwiw just because some one is a stay at home, or ' not working because of health' doesn't necessarily mean they don't have a fault rigid structure.

For mums there is the school rigidity for the unwell medical necesities.

My day is dictated to by animals and then various bits and bobs for health. Ona wider scale over several months I only had two weeks without at least one hospital appointment.....which if you are unwell a day trip can be a bit of a legacy for the next couple of days and a plan for the day before as well as impacting the day.



(Fwiw, I'm not moaning, and am feeling great these days, )

Soleil_lune

Haha people are nosey aren't they? I have to agree though, that some people are just making conversation, and at the age of 50 plus, it would be unlikely that people would judge you for being a stay at home person.

Back in the 1990s, women in my workplace would get hassled and verbally bashed and slagged off for not working full time, even when they had school age children. It's nobody's business though.

I work 26 hours a week, and get asked why I don't work full time, as I have no young/school age kids, but I like working 3 days one week and then four the next. Every second week, I finish on Wednesday and am off til Monday. I wish people would mind their own damn business!

Of course if I could give up work altogether, I would. And I think (as a few have said on here,) that some people are jealous. Not EVERYone is jealous of course, but I reckon that the ones who 'sneer' are.

And as for the woman who asked 'do you just live on your husband's salary?' :eek: Words fail me. Nosey cow.

I am going to go with something you suggested in your post (that your husband mentioned) and that a few posters have mentioned; just say you're retired, and then say 'what do 'you' do?' If they decide to turn it back round and insist on you talking more about your previous job, then just say briefly what you used to do and then move onto what hobbies/interests you have now. And I certainly would NOT be answering questions relating to where my income comes from. It astounds me that someone would ask this.

Don't feel like you have to justify anything. You worked for 30 years, and can't now because of ill health, so you can hold your head up high.

I also agree with lostinrates, that people who do not do paid employment can still have a structured and fulfilled life. Especially if they've worked previously.

ska_lover

OP, as a few people have said, I think the reaction you are getting IS definitely jealousy, but I bet they wouldn't want to swap places with your heath complaints. Your finances are no one elses business

If I were in your shoes, I would tell them I was a lottery winner and didn't need to work, and that your hubby loves his job and therefore chooses his work, but you don't really need the money

Hey if they are gonna be jealous - give them something to REALLY be jealous about

Tahlullah

A long time ago, when I was in my 20's, I went to a party held by one of my employers. I must have been asked what I did in the company about 3 times before I realised that everyone was judging themselves on the superiority scale according to job title and responsibilities. So, the next person who asked, I told them I was the office cleaner. I have never seen someone look so embarrassed, and walk away as quickly as that woman; deeming me unworthy of conversation. Ever since, I have always said that I do a low paid / status job that I know I will be measured against, and if that person continues the conversation without trying to escape, I will give them my time and tell the truth a few minutes in.

It is true that people define us by our employment. How sad. Because anyone who works knows that most industries will stop without those who do the lower paid jobs.
Be proud of your decision to not work. It is a good one for you, your heath and your sanity. Enjoy it, as others secretly wish to be in your place, if only for a short period.

meritaten

I cant help thinking - 'What the (text removed by MSE Forum Team) has it got to do with them?' but you do get these self righteous numpties thinking if you don't work then you are benefit scum.
the answer is to say 'I work temp jobs and am between jobs'. then have fun describing how you trained Zebras in the last job and the one before that you were shovelling Elephant poo.
Its none of their bluddy business!
you don't have to explain your decisions to them!