Awkward situation when making conversation with new people

Lily-Rose_3

My husband works and I am disabled, and I haven't worked for about 5 years: since the age of 46. (But I did work for 30 years prior to that.) And people ask us what we both do 'for a living' and I don't know what to say, because I don't wish to tell people I am on disability benefits. (It's nobody's business anyway.) So I just say 'Well, I worked for 30 years, but now I am a stay at home mum/housewife,' and people say 'oh,' like they're taken aback by it.

When we see people we haven't seen for 5 years or so, the first thing they ask is 'are you working?' and I usually say 'I work from home' as I am embarrassed by not having a job, and they sometimes say 'doing what?' and are quite nosey.

But I decided to stop lying about it, and to just tell people I don't work now.

We went to this neighbour's party last week, and one of their guests asked what I do, and I said 'I am a stay at home housewife,' and she said 'how come?' (I mean !!!!!!?) And I said, (truthfully,) 'I was offered redundancy after 20 odd years of working for this company I work for, and I took it' and she said 'do you miss it? Don't you wish you were working again?' And I said (truthfully) 'No.' I worked for 30 years, from the age of 16, and spent 22 years in my last job, and took redundancy, and am now at home and don't work. She said nothing. #awkward. This OTHER woman (a few weeks ago,) said, 'when you go back to work, what kind of job will you look for?' She obviously didn't listen to what I said.

I took the redundancy as my health was deteriorating and I really did want to give up work. I was more than happy to give up work, as I had had enough, and the job was stressing me out. It was always OK, but became stressful in the last 2 years or so, and the situation was not helped by my health issues.

It seems to annoy people sometimes that I appear to 'not have to go out to work.' My hubby says 'just say you're retired.' So I tried that with this woman the other day, and she said 'what? you can't be more than 45.' which was flattering LOL, but I thought how rude and cheeky. It's none of their business. So next time someone says that, I was wondering whether to say that I was offered a very generous redundancy package and a good final salary pension.

This one woman at this party actually said 'so do you just both live on your husband's income then?' I actually said 'Ummmm, I'd rather not discuss our financial circumstances,' and she just looked at me, like quite annoyed. LOL.

So I find conversations with some people rather awkward, as they always want to know where I work, then why not, then where the hell I get my money from! It's like with some people, your very being and soul is defined by your job!

We recently met a new couple at the pub we go to now and again, and on the THREE times we have seen them; the woman in the couple has asked me what my job is, ( she is about 49, and hates her job: she is a carer and is struggling with her employer who she hates,) and she seems to keep asking me, despite me saying that I don't work now. And each time, she says 'oh yes you did say,' and 'well don't you get bored and lonely' and 'will you look for another job?' etc...

No I DON'T get bored and lonely. I like being at home, I am always busy, I have a family, and a few friends, and a quite a few hobbies, and I love my free time now that my daughter has gone to uni. And I love the times she comes home and I can spend time with her.

Any advice for the best way to deal with this and what to say? I

Thank you.

traleegirl

'I've taken early retirement, lucky me!!' That's all you need to say...

arbroath_lass

How about telling them you're retired (early)? Anyone remarks on how young you look just say, "Thank you" and smile. It really is none of their business.

sassyblue

Maybe people are just making conversation, l wouldn't take it personally. However l think l would say what you said in you first sentence.... 'No l haven't worked in the last five years since l was registered disabled' and take it from there.

You don't have to tell people you're on benefits and nor do you have to feel ashamed for not being able to work!

Torry_Quine

I agree it is a difficult one. I usually just say that I'm in poor health and don't work. If I don't want to be so open I just say I'm a nurse but not in a job just now.

Jobseeeker

How about I was made redundant so I'm taking some time out just now and concentrating on painting (substitute for your actual hobby).

Then that will start a new conversation about your hobby.

Indie_Kid

I'm in a similar situation. Can't work due to disability. But given the attitudes of some people, I am reluctant to admit (especially to someone I hardly know) this.

When I study, I just say I study.

justme111

I think you handled it well when you said you'd rather not discuss your financial circumstances. Or when you explained in detail how it happened. I guess people just feel awkward that what is usually small talk question happens to require quite a bit of personal info disclosed so as to be answered with anything but closed impolite "no" so they just find themselves in a hole and keep digging as one does
You may want to have fun and say that your religion prohibits you to work .
Or that your job is to read bedtime stories to your husband , that was how you got to know him a kept the same arrangement after getting married. Or that they implanted a transmitter into your head so that you can work from home .

Goldiegirl

I think people expect certain replies to their small talk, and if they get a reply which wasn't what they were expecting, e,g. No I don't work, or no I don't have children, it doesn't compute, and they don't really know how to respond.

If I was in your situation, I think think I'd say that I was retired - after all you have retired from the world of work, but I wouldn't elaborate any further

trolleyrun

"I've taken early retirement, what about you? What do you do?"

Or

"I've retired for health reasons"

mountainofdebt

'well the lottery win meant I could give up work and do the things that I wanted to do with my life'