Awkward situation when making conversation with new people

ognum

I have a situation like this at a time I have chosen not to work, my reply has sometimes been:

' I don't work and luckily I have got passed the need to be defined by my job. Once you get passed this you can live a happy and fulfilled life doing the things you enjoy, what do you enjoy'

Sometimes people ask me what they like doing and I am happy to discuss that, sometimes they tell me what they enjoy, I don't ask about their jobs.
We are not our job!

We need to be well rounded people with skills and hobbies and literature/films/theatre etc we enjoy, we don't need to talk about work as our status!

Lily-Rose_3

Awww, thank you guys/gals. I think I will use the 'I am retired' line.

Even so, people still say 'well what did you do before then?' and even 'do you think you will ever go back to work?' and 'you must miss it' It's like they can't accept that some people don't work and may never work again, AND that some people are happy not working.. I actually LOVE not working now.

It is, of course, people who work who say this, especially if they are my age, or slightly older. People can't seem to get to grips with the fact that someone just out of their 40s doesn't work and is retired.

And even when you give an answer, they say stuff like 'what did you do before then?' and 'how come you retired young?' Argh! They can't let it go. That's why I thought of the 'my employer offered a generous redundancy package and decent final salary pension' line. (There was a fair redundancy, but no FSP.) Although I will have a bit of a personal pension at 65.

As someone said above, some people don't know how to handle someone not giving an answer that they're expecting. A woman who appears to be around late 40s perhaps, 'retired;' it puzzles them. LOL people!

And yes, I don't think everyone DOES need to be defined by their job!

bigmomma051204

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Awww, thank you guys/gals. I think I will use the 'I am retired' line.

Even so, people still say 'well what did you do before then?' and even 'do you think you will ever go back to work?' and 'you must miss it' It's like they can't accept that some people don't work and may never work again, AND that some people are happy not working.. I actually LOVE not working now. <<< THAT would be me!

It is, of course, people who work who say this, especially if they are my age, or slightly older. People can't seem to get to grips with the fact that someone just out of their 40s doesn't work and is retired.

And even when you give an answer, they say stuff like 'what did you do before then?' and 'how come you retired young?' Argh! They can't let it go. That's why I thought of the 'my employer offered a generous redundancy package and decent final salary pension' line. (There was a fair redundancy, but no FSP.) Although I will have a bit of a personal pension at 65.

As someone said above, some people don't know how to handle someone not giving an answer that they're expecting. A woman who appears to be around late 40s perhaps, 'retired;' it puzzles them. LOL people!

And yes, I don't think everyone DOES need to be defined by their job!

I would LOVE to quit my job. If I asked what you did and you said you gave up work my response would be "Yay! How lovely!"

Can you tell that I HATE my job. It defines me only because I live in a constant state of work related stress and hatred towards my evil co-workers who make my life a misery!!! :eek:

Lily-Rose_3

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I would LOVE to quit my job. If I asked what you did and you said you gave up work my response would be "Yay! How lovely!"

Can you tell that I HATE my job. It defines me only because I live in a constant state of work related stress and hatred towards my evil co-workers who make my life a misery!!! :eek:

Awwww, I am sorry to hear that This is how I felt during the last 2 years at my job as they were making cutbacks and putting a lot of extra work on me. Also, my health was deteriorating, I had 3 or 4 other personal issues (which I'd rather not go into on here,) and I really was glad to have the offer of voluntary redundancy when they gave me the chance.

Hope things improve for you xxx

bigmomma051204

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Awwww, I am sorry to hear that This is how I felt during the last 2 years at my job as they were making cutbacks and putting a lot of extra work on me. Also, my health was deteriorating, I had 3 or 4 other personal issues (which I'd rather not go into on here,) and I really was glad to have the offer of voluntary redundancy when they gave me the chance.

Hope things improve for you xxx

Thanks I am also in the cutbacks scenario - they are tupe'ing us over to a charity who are going to royally screw us over at the first possible chance and drop our pay by about £5k per year... People are jumping like rats off a sinking ship (of course!) but are not being replaced at all due to the situation so the pressure on the remaining three of us (there was 6) is just unbelievable - and one of us three is leaving end of next week. :eek: I come home every night and cry. Its the scenario where you can totally see why things like serious case reviews happen in the job I do because of situations like this which make it impossible to do the job as it should be done

Myself and hubby are trying to conceive, and not succesfully - after 3 years, i am about ready to lose the plot.... and considering that i work in an environment where i am literally surrounded by pregnant women and babies on a daily basis, its no real surprise!

Oh well, keep plodding on!

Lily-Rose_3

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Thanks I am also in the cutbacks scenario - they are tupe'ing us over to a charity who are going to royally screw us over at the first possible chance and drop our pay by about £5k per year... People are jumping like rats off a sinking ship (of course!) but are not being replaced at all due to the situation so the pressure on the remaining three of us (there was 6) is just unbelievable - and one of us three is leaving end of next week. :eek: I come home every night and cry. Its the scenario where you can totally see why things like serious case reviews happen in the job I do because of situations like this which make it impossible to do the job as it should be done

Myself and hubby are trying to conceive, and not succesfully - after 3 years, i am about ready to lose the plot.... and considering that i work in an environment where i am literally surrounded by pregnant women and babies on a daily basis, its no real surprise!

Oh well, keep plodding on!

Awwwwwww Well I hope you're pregnant by the end of this year!!! :wave:

LittleMax

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I would LOVE to quit my job. If I asked what you did and you said you gave up work my response would be "Yay! How lovely!"

Me too! I think most people would think so too.

I have had a couple of periods between jobs, where I have had up to 6 months off, and loved every minute.

However during these times I did notice just how many times you get asked what you do for a living. If I said I was between jobs people somehow saw it as their mission to try to suggest things I could apply for, and next time I saw them they would ask if I had found anything yet. So this then meant I would start to say I was between jobs but not looking too hard for anything else, and finally I plumped for, I am enjoying being a lady of leisure. I found the term lady of leisure seemed to strike a chord with people that it was something to be enjoyed.

DelilahFP

I rather like the line about wining the lottery...that would shut them up!
I can only think that anyone who is genuinely baffled that you now do not work is either jealous or has no interest in anything other than their own work - read some good books and watch some good films (Amazon are pretty cheap for books and dvds) and switch the conversation around and ask if they have seen/read the latest...

If indeed they have, then you have something you can mutually talk about.. but if they look blank you can tell them (nicely, of course) that you now have time to broaden your mind and explore the finer points of life outside of work! :-)

Kynthia

trolleyrun wrote: »

"I've taken early retirement, what about you? What do you do?"

Or

"I've retired for health reasons"

I think that saying one of these and then immediately asking a question back at them will both answer the question and stop their puzzled related question back to you.

Tamara_2

As mentioned above, I think some of these people might be secretly envious of you, Lily-Rose! They might be asking so many questions because they're trying to find out how it feels not to have a job, and are maybe imagining themselves in this situation if they could ever afford to give up work. It's a bit like when someone has lost a lot of weight - others quiz them all about how they did it, what their secret is, etc not just because they're nosey but because they're focused on how they could apply the answers to their questions to themselves.
My husband is in a similiar situation to you - six years ago when he was 48, he was offered redundancy after 25 years with the same company and he started receiving his company pension at 50. He loves not working!!!