Awkward situation when making conversation with new people

jetplane

^ I agree with both of these posts above. I do think people are often defined by their job and I think others often use it to estimate how successful and/or interesting you are. I also think some people are envious or just plain nosy, especially in today's climate

I used to have an unusual job many years ago and if I mention it today people take a renewed interest. I do know a lottery winner who, when asked, says she is a retired millionairess and she is.

If someone asked me if I was looking for work / bored etc I would just say oh no I haven't got time too busy with hobbies / enjoying myself etc. And I would lose so much in taxes due to my pension income

kettlefish

I would say most people would love to give up work if circumstances allowed! I am 25 and a stay at home mum - maybe it's because my little girl is only 2 but no one has ever commented negatively as far as I recall. I just say it very matter of factly. I get asked pretty often especially by people who don't expect me to have kids.

Actually one person did say "I guess that's a noble choice in its own little way," which I guess could have been taken as a bit backhanded!

KME91

When we moved abroad I had to give up work because of visa restrictions and I experienced this a lot, people define you by your work, and I had some people be quite rude to me when they found out I wasn't working. They would just glaze over and start looking for the next person to talk to. In the end I realised it was their problem, not mine, and it's not my job to make them feel comfortable about it!

PenguinOfDeath

Most people are probably taken aback with confusion or jealousy as you don't conform to their perception of a social norm.

I agree that asking a question straight back at them is a good way to deflect further probing. I have a friend who was in a similar situation in her 30's, when asked her reply was 'Why work for someone else when you don't have to?'

Person_one

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

Most people are probably taken aback with confusion or jealousy as you don't conform to their perception of a social norm.

Or, they're just trying to keep the conversation flowing and aren't sure what else to ask. OP, have a read of the thread that's on here at the moment about making small talk/conversing with strangers. A surprising number of people find it really difficult and struggle to say the right thing, or anything at all.

I'd say try to give them the benefit of the doubt a bit, they're probably not being nosey just trying to appear interested in you. After all, most of us aren't really so fascinating that people are just dying to know everything about us!

I agree with the advice to ask about them instead, give them an out and a chance to talk about themselves.

hazyjo

What you need to get your head round is that people don't care, they just use 'work' as conversation, especially with people you barely know. Like you said, that woman had asked you several times before.

Feel free to play with them, tell them a different thing each time (rocket scientist, Shreddies knitter, whale watcher...). Anything!

Although personally, I would just say I took early retirement, or do like me and my BF do (he's in his 40s and doesn't work at the moment although is looking for something part time) and say he does everything indoors and I go to work. tbh, it suits us just fine. When I've explained to people, everyone says there's no reason why it shouldn't work.

People just have this thing drummed into them that you both have to work full time when you don't have kids. I would LOVE not to have to work ever again, but if it means I work but don't have to tidy the house, hoover, do washing or ironing, clean, worry about the garden, cooking (sarnies for work, breakfast and dinner!), the cats' food/litter... nothing, ever again. Heaven. Having a house-husband suits me!

Try turning it round on them to make them feel like the awkward one. When they ask what you do, say something like 'work? Bloody hell, never again. We're lucky that we could afford for me to take early retirement so I'm a lady who lunches now, although I have to say I pity these poor couples who both have to flog their guts out 8+ hours a day full time 'til they're 65. Life's too short. So... what do you do...?'

Jx

Morglin

Most people just use work to make conversation, so I just say I'm retired and leave it at that.

What always makes me laugh, though, is if I'm having a 'wheelchair' period, some people seem to think it normal to come up and ask a complete stranger what is wrong with them lol

Or, even worse, they say to my husband, over my head 'what's wrong with her, then?' :rotfl:

Lin

Georgiegirl256

I got made redundant a year gone December (can't believe it's been a year, it's flown by!) after 16 years with the company. I didn't just want to jump from one retail job to the next or to something I wouldn't enjoy or would make me miserable. Luckily I am in a very fortunate situation that my husband brings home a good wage, so we manage well on just the one income.

Round about the same time as me getting made redundant, the company my husband works for got rid of a lot of offices and people had to either jump ship to another department or work from home. My husband chose the WFH option and so actually likes the company, as he went from a crowded office to just having to work by himself.

As I'm only in my 30's, I can't use the retired line, but if anyone does ask, I just use the line "I'm a kept woman!", and that usually makes them laugh....and it's true!

I'm actually very grateful that my husband isn't bothered about me getting another job, because it allows me to spend time with my parents who between them have quite a number of health ailments, and to take them places as they don't drive.

I do the housework, and he brings home the bacon, a traditional kind of relationship I suppose, but it works, and it really don't care what anyone else thinks. Not many people have asked me about getting another job etc, probably because they'd get short shrift if they did! Just ignore them OP, a lot of them that persist with the constant questioning are most probably just extremely jealous.

belfastgirl23

I would say 'I was fortunate enough to be able to retire early and that allows me to pursue my interest in xx' whatever you can talk about comfortably If people follow up with don't you miss work, 'well I miss being paid of course but not the work itself, what I'm doing now is much more rewarding'. This should give them a pretty good conversational clue that you want to talk about your interest, not your former work.

I also think people are either curious (because they're thinking about it themselves) or envious. I know I might well ask some of those clumsy questions but more because I'd be thinking 'I wonder if I could do that?'. So why not ask people straight out 'have you ever considered retiring/giving up work'. That way you could have a conversation about it that isn't just about you and your choices but also about them and theirs. After all they're making a decision to keep working as well, albeit it's a decision that might not seem like one to them because it's so 'obvious'. In your shoes if I was uncomfortable with the questioning I'd turn the tables and be a bit mischievous

Person_one

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I also think people are either curious (because they're thinking about it themselves) or envious.

Might surprise you, but a lot of people do actually enjoy their jobs.