It's all too much - need advice on where to start :(

Smileygirl1968

I was married to someone for 20 years who was v v tidy, so since we split up (2 years ago) I've been enjoying a more relaxed home! However, this means the stuff has built up and up...and now it's not a luxury, it's horrible!
There's some lovely advice here, and I'd like to add a couple of things. I find if I put headphones on to do a chore, with loud fast paced music, it works better for me than music on in the house generally. I also favour the 'one song and it's done' theory...and on a good day, I get to enjoy myself so much I keep listening and keep beavering away for ages. On a bad day..at least there's something done for 3 minutes rather than nothing! I also like a good podcast (the archers, gardeners question time and radio 4 comedy's like Just a Minute are also good, I get really drawn in and the time flies...I end up looking for more jobs so I can listen to the end!)
Also, I totally get the difficulty in throwing things of value away. I too have substantial debt (left over from the marriage), and am on a fixed income so my plan is to ebay my way out of clutter and debt....which seems such an obvious solution?!:j
But, it's an overwhelming job and hard to start. So i stash all likely ebay stuff in the spare room, in one place as I go along (bin bag, big box..) but here's the good bit, my plan is to list one item every day...rather than go crazy with a ton of stuff all at once (I feel defeated even thinking about doing that!)
With camera phones and iPads/tablets this is much easier than it used to be (I used to ebay my way to Christmas years ago when the kids were small..trust me, it's a piece of cake to do now!)
This has the added benefit if not having to deal with a ridiculous amount of packing up and posting all at the same time. I've also got my head round the expected financial returns (I know some find it hard to let things go cheaply or for less than You think it's worth)
...so if it goes for 99p, so what?...it's gone out of my house and made someone happy (maybe another thrifty soul like me! )
By the end of January I will have 30 items gone from here and at least another £30 in the kitty.....but inevitably it's usually a bit more.
I keep carrier bags and used packaging like padded envelopes stashed with my ebay bag of stuff, along with a marker, scissors and Sellotape to make each posting simple and hassle free. I do have some electronic kitchen scales that I use to estimate postage costs, but they were only about a fiver and well worth it.
So, we're all in it together! :A
And anyone that gets a bargain from my ebay site...well good for you, well done..I didn't want it anyway xxxxx

Chris25

like others have said, using a timer is a great way to get things done as it spurs you on to get things done before it goes off.

thelittlestranger

I'm actually nearly in tears at the response I've had! I can't believe how wonderful you've all been, each and every post has made think "I could actually do that!!!" which, for me, is a massive improvement.

It does make me feel a little bit better to know I'm not the only one. I do feel 110% committed to changing this now, and for once, I feel I'm actually taking in the advice you have all given me. It's easy not to take the advice from family when they're so quick to judge.

Last night, hubby did ALL washing up, so kitchen looks amazing. This morning, I managed to clean both litter trays properly, and moved them in the hope the cats will prefer them being there, plus cleaning the lean-to bit we have generally. Very small steps, but I do feel so much better, and walking into a clean kitchen makes me feel ten times better! So much nicer to make a cup of tea in.

Thank you SO much. I'm gonna probably continue to use this thread if that's okay to try and keep the momentum going for me. xxx

gayleygoo

Lots of good advice on here, like FlyLady sessions and timers, tidying during ad breaks. If you write a "to do" list for the day, start with a small list, say 5 items. If you do other things that aren't on the list, add them on then tick them off right away, feels quite good Sometimes, "get dressed" and "make lunch" is on my list, but we spend large parts of our day just doing things that don't seem to make a difference and it's easy to forget we have been busy.

I'm a bit of a hoarder, and crafter too so much of our house mess is clutter. I pile it up for selling on ebay/car boot as well but sometimes I've just put those bags in the charity shop and felt soooo good for it. As soon as I've walked out I don't care anymore that the bag of stuff could have made me money, I'm just glad it's gone! We only have one clothes-horse so the washing does pile up often as I can't easily get it dry in winter, maybe try to go through fewer clothes for a while? I wear things for several wears until they are dirty or smell funny, and they get aired out between uses to help them last longer.

Don't start with the worst job - maybe a FlyLady "27 thing fling" to start with, and try to do it once a week. Or pick 3 FlyLady things for the week that you think do-able (I've never managed to keep my sink clean longer than 10 minutes!)

Learning to keep the house in some sort of order is a habit that you will acquire. Right now you are probably in a habit of ignoring things (don't worry, I'm guilty too!), but as you pick up tidier habits it will get easier.

Meal planning can be daunting at first, but really it's not that hard and it soon makes your life so much easier. Just write down 5-7 dinners for the week, and you won't have to worry about "what's for dinner?" every night or resort to takeaways as often. I wrote 4 meal plans that all have different dinners, so on a Sunday night I can just pick one if I don't feel up to thinking of a plan from scratch, or just change things around slightly to suit what I have in the house.

Also, life can be quite mad at times. Overwhelming, even. Sometimes I feel like there's just so much to do I don't know where to start (I'm also behind on my OU degree work ), but I remind myself that my loved ones are healthy and are there for me, I have enough food and clean water in a house with a roof on it, and if life wasn't at least a bit mad then wouldn't it be boring? Try not to worry about the stuff that doesn't get done, it's not important in the long-run

peony40

So glad to read that you are feeling brighter.

It's nice that you and your hubby are helping each other.

You have received lots of excellent advice, remember baby steps and be kind to yourself.

I have/am having to remember this myself, as I easily get overwhelmed, have a fear of throwing paperwork out (have 4 full removal crates of paperwork to file/shred) that I am going to deal with on the days i am not anxious. So remember, I am rooting for you and sending positive thoughts your way.

I hope my post helps you, I am in a middle of a fibro flare and my thinking process is not the best.

Hugs to you.

Broomstick

Hiya,

I've just caught up on this thread and have read your last post.

You are sounding really clear about what you are doing and how you are going about it and why. And to have made such as significant start is fantastic. There seems to be no question that you can do this.

I'm another Flylady.net fan. I take from it what works and leave the rest but her list of how to get started is really gentle and useful, I reckon. http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/31-beginner-babysteps/

The flylady thread on MSE works for lots of people but for me, having got used to the original Flylady, I couldn't understand it and it seemed overwhelming. Each to their own.

Anyway, another thing that Flylady.net is pretty good at is taking a break, rest days, not overdoing it, and stopping to look after yourself and cheer yourself on so you don't get burnt out in the excitement of getting started.

From a logical point of view, if you want a big rest - even for a whole month - all you really need to do is ensure each day that there is no backsliding from what has already been done.

For you from now on that might mean a 5-15 minute clear and tidy of the kitchen to get it back to how it was. Get hubby to wash up again. Deal with the litter trays. Don't bring any more 'stuff' into the house. Keep taking the rubbish/recycling out in line with your collection days. Do a load of washing or drying or putting clean clothes away. This would keep everything held at the point you've reached so far. It also would give you a small tick list of things to do if you reached that 'sinking' point again. It would be a major achievement just to know that you were keeping things stationary and no longer getting worse.

Good luck.

B x

(Just got to put this into practice for myself now... river levels near us are rising and I've just discovered that the garage (which would get flooded first) seems to have acquired a load of garden rubbish that didn't get taken to the dump in the summer. :eek: I know what I am doing this afternoon now.)

fannyadams

Darling, darling, girl, it's OK to be messy... no one says our houses have to be perfect (well, OK that Flylady Woman says so but she's al the way over in America so it's not like she's gonna see.. is it?)
Please come over to the messy thread...
pull up a chair (you'll probably need to move a few things to create room - lolz) and share a cuppa and a biscuit with us.
we don't beat ourselves up about what we don't do but we do celebrate our achievements.
I'm sure you'll be most welcome.
HTH
FA
xx

berkshiresue

this thread really got me thinking, its made me realize that there are plenty of people that feel this way, me being one of them. I am so dis-organized its a joke! I get so fed up at the utter chaos around me it sends me into dispair. Usual stuff, to much in a house not big enough, and not enough hours or enthusiasm to crack it all. BUT ... having read all the suggestions, its given me food for thought, with the ad break tasks etc, and its so true that more tidying up gets done in the 10 minutes before a visitor arrives lol. I am not lazy I just get so overwhelmed by the "where do I start" onwards and upwards, small steps ..... x

berkshiresue

ok update the thread has just motivated me to close my eyes and GO FOR IT! 15 mins of madness and ..... dishwasher unloaded and reloaded and on, washing machine on, bin emptied oh yes! feeling rather pleased ... need another zillion of these moments and i will be over the moon lol *high five me* xx

sonastin

thelittlestranger wrote: »

I do feel 110% committed to changing this now

Whoa there - don't overdo it! Can I suggest 90% commitment to change and leave the other 20% to chilling out and not worrying about what's not changed. Or maybe 70/40. Or perhaps 60/50. :rotfl:The only thing that is wrong with the way you are living is that it makes you unhappy. So don't feel like you've got to fix it overnight or do it all the time... if you want a day off, take it. Just make sure you enjoy it and go back to chipping away at it again when you're ready. The ad break idea really works because you get to reward yourself with sitting down to enjoy the rest of the programme, not feeling guilty about not finishing off whatever you were doing. The thing that needs fixing most is your outlook on what needs to be done and the good news is you sound like that repair is underway.

fannyadams wrote: »

Darling, darling, girl, it's OK to be messy... no one says our houses have to be perfect (well, OK that Flylady Woman says so but she's al the way over in America so it's not like she's gonna see.. is it?)
Please come over to the messy thread...
pull up a chair (you'll probably need to move a few things to create room - lolz) and share a cuppa and a biscuit with us.
we don't beat ourselves up about what we don't do but we do celebrate our achievements.
I'm sure you'll be most welcome.
HTH
FA
xx

I second this^^ We're a friendly bunch on the messy thread and we'll take good care of you. If you want to celebrate your achievements, we'll cheer you on. If you want to moan because your OH isn't helping, we'll listen and sympathise. And if you want to panic because things are slipping again, we'll share a dozen horror stories that'll make you feel back in control again!