It's all too much - need advice on where to start :(

thelittlestranger

I'm a bit of a lurker here on the forum, and read so many hints/tips/advice which I find really useful. The thing is putting them into practice and I don't know where to start.

I'm gonna be 100% honest, and I am VERY ashamed of the state we (hubby and me) are in. So, here it goes, I'm just gonna lay it all out.

Our house is a state. I suffer from quite debilitating depression and
anxiety (among other things!) which to be perfectly honest just make me feel completely not bothered about doing anything some days. When I do feel like tackling it, it just overwhelms me! I'm awful at getting the washing done, and end up leaving it until we just need SOMETHING to wear. We are terrible at keeping up on washing up. I seem to have clutter everywhere, and to be honest, I think my husband has some sort of hoarding issues (his parents are like it) and which I now seem to also have. There just seems to be so much stuff EVERYWHERE and I don't even know how. Whole rooms just seem to be full of junk to be honest.

This might seem odd, but I am actually a bit of a "germ freak" but I wonder if that's why I get scared of it partly?! Not sure. When I'm at work or something, everywhere has to be spotless and I have a thing with hand washing and sanitiser.

We have three cats who seem to have some run of the house, are really naughty and often have "accidents" despite litter trays being clean.

We got married in late last year and as I was unexpectedly off of work for a good few months due to long term sickness, we got into a bit of debt which we're managing, but I HATE having. This also means we have a LOT of wedding stuff that seems to be laying around everywhere.

Food wise, I'm awful at meal planning, and am rubbish with keeping leftovers (whole germ thing again) because I don't understand how freezing things and what not works (if that makes sense). We probably spend way too much on groceries.

I'm quite upset actually just writing this because I have got to the point where I want people to come round, but if someone rings up and says they're nipping over now for a cuppa, I have to make up some sorry excuse. My family mock me (in particular my mum) which I know they mean as a joke, but really stings me.

I work three days a week, and am also an Access student so am bombarded with college work. Every weekend there seems to be SOMETHING going on and I just feel as though time to do the house just isn't available.

I'm sorry for the long post but I wold be grateful for any hints or tips. I'm so frustrated and upset at myself, and I just wanted it sorted now.

cornishchick

Hi,
I get over whelmed sometimes, there is a lot going on in my life, to much to talk about on here. But my way of dealing with it, is to find one thing i can deal with. And deal with it. It's known as the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.
You have taken a step in the right direction though, all the advice in the world would be useless until you are ready to listen to it, and it sounds like you are ready.
I wish you strength and determination to carry on.
X CC x

ellawood

Just do little bits to chip away at it. Say wash up as the kettle boils and put a load in the washer chipping away at it when you can and get your husband to help too.

babychick

I'll second that... it's just one step at a time, clear a shelf/space a day if that's all you can manage but at the end of the month you'll have cleared 30 shelves/spaces and you'll see a big difference. You'll get lots of support here.:grouphug:

bladerunner73

I'm pretty new to this too, so there are probably lots of others with a huge amount of experience who will have lots of advice to offer, I feel like I learn something new everyday reading the posts on this forum and there are loads of great people to offer help and support.
Like you I have a lot of clutter to rehome or tidy away and I can be terribly disorganised with food and it's pretty early days for me keeping proper track of my grocery spending.
But one thing I would suggest is don't look at it as an unachievable mountain and don't be harsh on yourself if you don't feel like it's happening quickly enough.
Try and set yourself small goals, de-clutter one cupboard or a drawer or a pile of bits and pieces you'll be surprised at how good even small things like that feel, I found it quite rewarding and it made me more focused to do the next one.
Sorry if anything I'm saying seems obvious these are just the things that I've picked up from others on here and changes I've made to my outlook to try and move forward and ultimately achieve my goals.
Anyway good luck I hope you have a successful year, you've already made the first step:T

Cottage_Economy

I'd agree with what ellawood said about doing little things in between other things. I'm a perfectionist and i used to think if I couldn't get it all done in one go I couldn't/shouldn't do it. Apply that across the board and the house was a mess and dirty because i never had the time to do anything all in one go. In the end I realised I had to stop thinking this way and started doing bits and pieces here and there, but doing them consistently every day.

I always wash up while the kettle is boiling and on advert breaks in programmes, doing a bit at a time, clearing the bowl of a few items and then putting in the next few bits to soak.

I used to leave the laundry until the weekends and then have masses to do. Now i check every day and only put on a wash if I'm going to be around to take it out and hang it up immediately. I tailor the wash cycle to the amount of time I have as well...if I only have 45 minutes I stick a small load on a rapid 30 minute cycle instead of a 90 minute full wash. If I have more time it gets the full cycle.

I have married a semi-hoarder and i sometimes take drastic action when the house starts to get so chock full of stuff that we have to walk a 'pathway'. I take it all and put it in the smallest bedroom - literally drag it all up there - then make an effort to keep the rest of the house tidy while I periodically pop in to sort bits out over the weeks that follow.

It gets the mess gone immediately and makes you want to keep everything clear and tidy. It's a bit drastic but works for me.

Finally i always try to do the housework spread over the weekdays so I have my weekends mostly free.

By the way, you might find your cats are reacting to your clutter. It gives off a vibe and smell of its own that might be unsettling to them. Our three furballs go loopy when the house is really messy. It really upsets them and they often start peeing in protest in odd places. Most notable was the bottom of a pair of bedroom curtains that were fashionably 'pooled' on the floor. There was so much pee it soaked up the curtain and my sumptuous 100 inch drop curtains became a standard 54 inch by the time i sorted them out.

thelittlestranger

I'm so grateful for all of your responses! Thank you so much.

Okay so "chip away" it is. I do tend to want to do it all at once, but I should know this always makes me feel worse when I don't (obviously) achieve it.

I hadn't thought about doing the washing up just here and there, but that does break it up a bit to stop it seeming so time consuming!

I'm really pleased I have been honest and open, it does feel a bit better to recognise it and realise it's just gotten too much, and it's alright as long as I face it and deal with it now.

Thanks everyone. *hugs*

CherryPie

I just want to come round and give you a big hug!


I've felt a bit like this at times, I'm sure a lot of us have, so don't feel alone. There's a lot of us here to help. Do you have a friend or family member that can come round and get you started. Sometimes the hardest bit is getting started. My Mum comes for lunch every 3rd Saturday when I'm not working. But we both know it's code for "helping me with my housework!" I in turn visit my 19 yr old niece who has just had a baby and has no idea where to start in running a house etc. It's now got to the stage where I walk in and if the door to the kitchen is closed, I know that means she needs help with that room.


I'd echo what other people have said though, don't look at it as 1 big problem. Why not pick one part of one room to start on tomorrow? Mine is the pile of stuff that I keep moving around the living room, but never really do anything with!!


Good luck & keep posting, we want to hear your achievements x

rubber_duc

Best way to start (like I did) do stuff during tv adverts, it's amazing what you can get some and sometimes get carried away xxx

calicocat

I'm not sure which thread it came from initially (flylady maybe) but I got this snippet from the Hoarding thread.

Baby steps....and do something, be it washing up or de-cluttering, or sorting something for 10 mins.

Then gradually this becomes easy, and you can up it to 15, 30, etc until how long something takes isn't a massive issue anymore, and if it is you pick another day to do that and do something else.....or just do it for an amount of time you decide.


This helped me loads.....and works.

Anytime I can't be bothered to wipe the kitchen benches I now say to myself.....how long does it take....a minute, so just do it.

Have a little go at that...stick a timer on. you will be surprised once you start.

Don't feel bad about yourself either....it is what it is, and you are clearly ready to do something about it.



Good luck.

monnagran

My heart goes out to you, and never, never think that you are alone or the only one with this problem.
My salvation is my timer. I set it for 10 or 15 minutes, choose one small area to clear and go for it. I am always surprised at how much can be achieved in 10 minutes if you are focussed on getting something done before the timer goes off.
Then I do the dot-to-dot business. Next time I choose another small area to clear and clean. Eventually, and sooner than you think, a whole room is cleared and clean.

Then there is the 20 second rule.
If you see something in the wrong place or needing throwing away or something very small needing to be done and it will take only a few seconds, DO IT.

These 3 rules have kept me reasonably sane even if not perfectly houseproud.

Leave meal planning etc until you are more comfortable in your surroundings.
Good Luck.

x