Oh come on! Stake through the heart. A little sunlight. It's like falling off a log"

Buffythedebtslayer

I was looking at my gorgeous dogs this afternoon and my guinea pigs, who while full of fluffy loveliness don't communicate as much unless veggies are involved and I pondered what is my aim in life?


and I don't really have one.


yeah, I want to finish my MA, cos well. I started it. I wanted to be out of debt. Why? cos it frightened me.


I want to be organised cos well........why? yeah life might be better, wouldn't be as expensive. but these are all reactions to events I start so I finish, I make a mess I fix it. However I am struggling with the debt this time. I paid off this much in about 14 months last time!


I was thinking back to my previous debt experience and realised I had the dream of home ownership to keep me going.


This time I don't have that. 3 banks essentially laughed in my face despite the permanent job and no debt. It did hit me hard.
The logical bit of me thinks but things change, requirements house prices, wages, etc so one day I could. But then the illogical part of me says but you are so old and so single and blah blah miseries!


A friend asked why I hadn't moved out (or rather why I moved back) and honestly yes I do stay here because I worry extensively about Mum being skint and leaving the gas on etc and now with the dogs...but REALLY I could figure something out if I wanted but I don't. Mind you that only applies if I got a permanent job but you get the idea!


I don't know what the results of such ramblings will be but hey!


Also Went shopping, meant to get milk, sort of panicked for unknown reasons and came home with a dog lead and some puppy pads - need some till the others get here.


any how hungry now and a bit cold!


XXX

Buffythedebtslayer

MORNING!


sorry about angst teenage crap yesterday, it is true I don't exactly have an aim, well I do - be able to afford to travel somewhere hot for holidays. Literally, Sun. It is not world peace inducing or going to cure anything but it will do for the meantime!


For anyone who hasn't guessed Aunt Flo is a visiting, the miseries and terrible skin should have been the biggest clue, as was the urge to spend money and do nothing aside from worry about pointless crap.


And aside from the pain I feel pretty good! I was drinking doubles last night, may still turn green yet but am hopeful the combination of Mc'ds, peppermint tea and nutealla.....may have worked!


Given that the dogs have gone back to sleep I might do that too!




XXXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

Right, didn't go to sleep, dogs still asleep!


Decided to do the balance transfer thing. So,


Current debt is 5148.26


this is an increase from 4400!


This is because I am a bit of a moron, I had put my car insurance on the wrong Barclay card (I have two) and stuffed up paying it, was expecting a statement but haven't had one cos I went paperless for as it turns out both of them. blah blah blah! only just made it - payment due Monday!


I thought I could pay it with febs wages, but my statement is due the 24th Feb doh!


scores on the doors.


BT (1st barclay) card = 4400 plus 171 transfer fee. ouch but it is till feb 2016.....can't complain.
also stupidly I had 80 pounds credit on there....


2nd = 657.49 car insurance.


will cost my 7.25 to not pay it till 28 but hey ho!


these are the balances.


1. 4490.97
2. 657.29(+7.25)


Right. I moved some money around, pay 100 to the second card and 10 pound to the first card.


I will pay off the 2nd card when I get paid, and then it is chip away at mr 4490 till he goes!


the other blot on my horizon is getting my teeth fixed.


but that is for another entry as right now I need a drink. of fruit juice, the maths hasn't quite driven me to alcohol!


xxx

in_need_of_direction

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I have a terrible headache so this might not make sense, but I think I would feel really sorry for her and wonder why she kept doing the same stupid things. like for example wasting her holiday.

There are some victories but they are small and take a long time. Plus they are stuff other people find really easy.


Don't want to labour the point but you're still being harsher with yourself than you are in the other diaries you post. Also, as my friend Ellie always says, the only mistake is the one you NEVER learn from. This diary is very clear evidence of your learning. Stay strong and take care

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks INOD Very kind of you to say so XX


well it turns out I made a mistake!


I paid the 100 off the big bill, and 10 off the small bill. doh!


It doesn't really matter but hey ho. Buffy and number blindness strikes again!


I have set up regular Direct debits for both cards and ordered a new card too- my online banking says they are both platinum cards but my visa is a gold card? don't understand but that is why I made a mistake.


Had a good day today, bt, slept through most of my period pains. walked dogs, made an amazing jacket potato and ate chocolate.


Watching Greys Anatomy - I identify with Christina! not about being brilliant - but she turned up to a kids party and then left- no one noticed, I get that!


and wow the really beautiful girl is dressed up as Tinker bell! WOW


I love that show.


Ok so I have a big list...


1. Ironing.
2. supermarket shop
3. buying drawers?
4. tidying up the house
5. buying a small suit case for work.
6. marking
7. tidying up the conservatory.
8. prepping lessons.
9 buying a fold away table (mine broke. might try to fix it.)


Something new called True detective is on. I think I will make some inroads in to work.


xxx

please-let-me-be-lucky

We would notice!!! Xx

beanielou

Unfortunatly dearest Buffy , you & I share the same trait of being hard on ourselves & kind to other people.& the biggie as well~~~~procrastination :eek:

Buffythedebtslayer

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Sounds like a plan Buffy.

Hope you managed to get back out of the understairs cupboard and you aren't stuck there forever more! Xx

It is a bit of a mare as Mum will not put plastic bags in the recycling - well not as often as she should...so it is a cupboard that explodes with the plastic bags and you end up thinking oh no what a mess when actually once you get rid of said bags the rest of it isn't that bad. I will buy a small set of drawers for it tho.

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

We would notice!!! Xx

Good if a weird Londoner with cup cakes shows up at your house remember that. not that I have a clue where you live! but you get the idea.

beanielou wrote: »

Unfortunatly dearest Buffy , you & I share the same trait of being hard on ourselves & kind to other people.& the biggie as well~~~~procrastination :eek:

Yep, exactly Beanie, we must learn, all our friends cant be wrong eh XX


have been listening to a hypnosis thing about procrastination.... will let you know.


I fixed the table and painted the top, it needs a second coat but have painted it lemon juice yellow. bright. I will literally do Anything to avoid ironing....


Matthew Mcconaughey is gorgeous. Even in this, which is essentially about weird murders and him looking rough but still sexy as hell..........What a man.


*day dreams*


xx

Sun_Addict

Hi again Buffy - I too have a cupboard under the stairs. Keeping it tidy and clutter free is like painting the Forth Bridge. As soon as it's cleared out it gets messy again but at least I can close the door on it! Glad you had a good day yesterday.

in_need_of_direction

I wish I had a cupboard, I have an unenclosed space that looks like a bomb site!