Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

Mojisola

embob74 wrote: »

I don't actually understand why the ex is not paying maintenance? AFAIK household income is taken into account when assessing maintenance due. I assume the ex's partner works and that is the household income which should be assessed.

It's only the ex's income which is taken into account.

No income = no child maintenance.

GobbledyGook

I would tell the older child if it came up again. 12 is old enough to know imo. In an ideal world children would never need to know anything to do with finances, but it's not an ideal world and sometimes they need to know that we get X into the house it costs Y to run the house so we can't afford Z for whatever.

I wouldn't do it in a "Dad stopped paying when the half-sibling came along" but more in a "Dad doesn't have a job just now so he doesn't pay maintenance".

IF (and I say if because he might not, but it bothers me when people make decisions for their second families and don't think of the impact on the first one) the Dad gave up his job without a thought to the first family then it'll become apparent to the children in other ways over time. Children work out things for themselves in time. My grandparents never once badmouthed my parents when I was a child - they didn't need too. It doesn't take long to work out your parents priorities.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

It's only the ex's income which is taken into account.

No income = no child maintenance.

Well, no legally enforceable maintenance, dad and wife could still choose to continue supporting the two elder children of the family.

PasturesNew

Absolutely not. That stuff, subject, information is "for adults only" and the children shouldn't even know that sort of stuff goes on.

It'd be child cruelty to tell them that a NRP wasn't paying.

GobbledyGook

PasturesNew wrote: »

Absolutely not. That stuff, subject, information is "for adults only" and the children shouldn't even know that sort of stuff goes on.

It'd be child cruelty to tell them that a NRP wasn't paying.

Child cruelty?

And what would you call spending less time with your child because you are working more yet they have less and leaving the confused and resentful child with no explanation?

Loz01

If the ex has no zero income then how come his new gf/wife has just had another child? They must be getting something!! Even a token payment of 20 quid isn't out the question.

Edit: Just noticed his new girlfriend is pregnant and hasn't had another baby but still, they must have money coming from somewhere.

supersaver2

PasturesNew wrote: »

Absolutely not. That stuff, subject, information is "for adults only" and the children shouldn't even know that sort of stuff goes on.

It'd be child cruelty to tell them that a NRP wasn't paying.

I must admit I agree that financial arrangements are for the the adults to know. What will be gained telling the children? I can't see anything except negatively damaging their relationship. Maybe Mum could ask Dad to provide a small amount, has she spoken to him about it recently?

I wonder if resident parents that rely on income support/ tax credits tell their children that they don't support them financially - of course not!

Tenyearstogo

When my ex dropped our sons maintenance, I had to cut back on my expenditure. There was less spare cash. I had to explain to my son why that was.

It doesn't ended to be in a negative way though. There's a difference between "your dad is a ******* and doesn't care enough to give any money for your upkeep so you can't have any new things" and "dad's circumstances have changed so he can't give us money at the moment. We need to be careful with our money."

balletshoes

Loz01 wrote: »

If the ex has no zero income then how come his new gf/wife has just had another child? They must be getting something!! Even a token payment of 20 quid isn't out the question.

Edit: Just noticed his new girlfriend is pregnant and hasn't had another baby but still, they must have money coming from somewhere.

the new partner is the higher earner, so she's staying at her job, and the OP's ex is a SAHD.

clearingout

meritaten wrote: »

at twelve I think the oldest should know that dad currently doesn't pay maintenance. Her mum earns enough that she isn't 'deprived'. I just hope she doesn't equate not paying money to not caring. Love isn't about money is it?

that's very easy to say when you're not the one trying to bring up 3 young children on one wage. My children aren't 'deprived' by many people's standards but that's as much to do with me going without and being overall very careful with money qs the actual money coming in.

I'm not personally sure what kind of 'love' makes a conscious choice not to make any financial contribution towards your own child's upbringing. Certainly, if I didn't spend anything on my children (but continued to love them) they would, eventually, be removed from me by Social Services. Yet there are able-bodied, qualified and experienced parents out there making just that choice and are labelled 'heros' for dodging their responsibilities or told it's OK, you still see your child and you still buy them presents.