Not a LBM but awareness of heading towards debt crisis

themarsbargirl

Feeling really scatty and unhappy tonight, this was the only day we forgot to arrange someone to check in on me and it's really showing.

I want my Mum and Dad back

LastFewSteps

Hi marsbargirl, I have just read your diary,
I'm so sorry you've been having a hard time, I hope things will start to improve for you,
I went through bouts of depression after my first two children and would find it difficult to leave the house or even speak to my family, in the very beginning I couldn't even come out of my bedroom, just going to the bathroom filled me with fear, I know how it feels to have no energy to even get out of bed, what helped me was doing small things one at a time, I would say to myself if I can get so and so done I can come back to the bedroom (it was my safe place) I remember the very first time I ran down the stairs washed up a sink full of dishes and then straight back to the bedroom, I was an absolute mess but thrilled that I'd done it, as I got more confident I'd set another challenge and finally after alot of work I was me again, I hope you can find something that can help you to keep going and moving forward, and you're absolutely right it's the little steps we take that make all the difference, it may seem like only a small thing but its that small thing that's helping us get better

And very well done in your jams, its great you've got something to focus on, I do alot of craft fayres and markets and nearly all of the food stalls do very well, maybe you could think about that for a future goal

and keep checking in here I find it really helps to keep focused and establish a routine to the day, plus having to write down everything I spend is a great deterrent because I'm quite lazy sometimes

Good luck x

themarsbargirl

Thanks LastFewSteps, craft fairs are on my mind for the future when my stranger anxiety has reduced again. My mental health has gone up and down throughout my life but it's only now that I'm discovering just how !!!! adult services are!

LastFewSteps

take it one day at a time you will get there
I had stranger anxiety in the beginning too, I remember the first time I forced myself to stand in a queue of people in whsmith I was sweating and dizzy I thought I was going to crumple in a heap on the floor, I still don't know how I got over that, I still don't like to be among too many people but nowhere near what I used to be like, I'm very lucky that dh was there for me every step, and its good that you've got your parents for support

I don't have any experience of adult services but a friend of mine works in them and tells me how stretched they are and how she can't get through everyone, do you join any online support, I found that helpful sometimes as I wouldn't go to the dr or talk to anyone else,

I've been ok for years now but at difficult times I do feel small things creeping back but I know how to deal with it now,
I also stopped myself thinking of all the things I hadn't done in the day and all of the things I hadn't coped with and instead at the end of every day I'd think about what I'd been able to do even if it was just one small thing that seemed unimportant I'd just be glad I'd made it through another day

You'll get there and one day you'll be looking back thinking how strong you'd been to get yourself through it all

themarsbargirl

Because I am such a caring person I tend to find that online support drains me further as I try to 'fix' everyone else.

Last year my psychiatrist wanted me inpatient to get me on some medication....crisis team recorded in my notes that i refused inpatient admission when in actuality they told me that there were no beds in the country! I do appreciate that they do the best they can with resources that are very very stretched but frankly a 6+ week waiting list to see my psychiatrist to discuss medication after he put me on an open ended prescription for clonazepam (which isn't supposed to be given to personality disorders due to out prepensity to addiction) is ridiculous.

My anxiety varies from day to day, my parents have been away since tuesday and this is the one day we forgot to get someone to check on me and I'm just struggling now this evening...I've coped okay up till now...well...what stands for coping okay these days.

LastFewSteps

That's a terrible amount of time to wait to be seen !
Hopefully things will improve soon !

I love the different jam flavours you make they sound very tasty !

themarsbargirl

Thanks, I like to be unusual....after all if people can buy it in tesco why would they buy it from me? Aside from the lack of icky glucose-fructose syrup!

It's drizzling/raining here today so I haven't put my stall out
but my brother is coming to take me out.....he's promised me Avengers 2 movie!!!!!!

liltdiddylilt

Can't believe I didn't know about this! Just read through while trapped in bed with poorly Jelly.

I am so sorry I haven't realised that you had a diary! There you are posting on mine and it looks like I am ignoring you!!
I am amazed by your food making skills. You put me to shame!

And jam, preserves etc! Wow they sound amazing. Are the ingredients not too expensive??

Hope you're feeling better today. Enjoy the Avengers! Xxx

themarsbargirl

That's partly why I'm selling them, they need to fund themselves, but it's not too bad. I buy from a local farmshop that often has £1 bags of stuff on the turn and see what I can make from that and most supermarkets now have sugar down to 60p a kilo. I have a separate purse for Jam/chutney ingredients which gets a percentage from all sales towards buying new ingrediants to make more stuff.

It's the new jars that are expensive! but mostly because of it being a bulk buy.

Don't worry Lilty, I just thought I'd not been discovered yet. I have tried to do a linky in my sig but it won't let me for some reason grrrrr.

Hope poorly Jelly is better soon xxxx

hummingbird

Hey marsbar! Just found your diary - subscribed!!

Now looking forward to catching up with it all! By the way I think you're fantastic!:money: