Partner been violent, can he be kept away from the home advice please

tiny_courageous

She needs to speak the police about seeking a domestic violence prevention order. This can exclude him from the house for up to 28 days (even if he is the homeowner) which will give her the opportunity to seek further legal advice and explore her options.

meritaten

to be fair - if this was out of character - then perhaps the guy is suffering extreme stress or having a nervous breakdown? we shouldn't assume he is a an 'abuser' from one incident.

M0ney

Voyager2002 wrote: »

Let's get this in proportion...

No-one was actually hurt, so this was the threat of violence rather than violence itself. The friend and her son (well done to him) made it clear that they found this behaviour unacceptable: the police also made it clear to the gentleman concerned that he could not behave like that. Given that this is out of character, not part of a pattern of behaviour, it would be intelligent to allow him to apologise and allow things to get back to normal.

Of course, if there have been other incidents like this then she needs to end the relationship.

Are you the violent partner??

paulineb_2

meritaten wrote: »

to be fair - if this was out of character - then perhaps the guy is suffering extreme stress or having a nervous breakdown? we shouldn't assume he is a an 'abuser' from one incident.

It depends what peoples dealbreaker is to be fair. For some people getting slapped around the face once would be the end. And if that is the OP's friends stance, thats fair enough. The problem is, this having happened once, shes going to be living wondering whether its going to happen again and it could escalate.

My view is one incident is one incident too many, particularly in front of a young child.

Yes, he could be suffering from extreme stress or having a breakdown, but people do have breakdowns without physically abusing the person they live with.

The fact that he seems to be telling people hes done nothing wrong would concern me massively Im afraid.

Yorkie1

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Is you friend reporting this to the Police as a crime? If so, her partner will be arrested and could be bailed whilst investigations continue. Bail conditions are usually included which often include do not go within XXX metres of family home, do not contact victim/witnesses etc etc.

This was my first thought.

Voyager2002 wrote: »

Let's get this in proportion...

No-one was actually hurt, so this was the threat of violence rather than violence itself.

On average (statistically), it takes approximately 33 incidents of physical abuse before a person is willing to support a prosecution.

In my experience, classic domestic violence frequently involves minor slaps and throttling from a male abuser towards a female. This is indeed violence, rather than the threat of violence - but even if it had only been 'just' the threat of violence, that is equally a criminal offence of equal gravity.

Do not belittle what happened.

OP, as they are joint owners then as others have said, without a court order (either bail conditions following police arrest or charge, or a civil protection order / injunction) she cannot legally exclude him from the property.

marisco_2

shopaholicjules wrote: »

At the moment, it seems his family are believing him when he is saying he has done nothing wrong which just isn't true.

Voyager2002 wrote: »

Given that this is out of character, not part of a pattern of behaviour, it would be intelligent to allow him to apologise and allow things to get back to normal.

Would you trust an apology from a man who after grabbing you by the throat, slapping you and scaring you to the degree you phoned the police on him, then told his family that he had done nothing wrong? Actions speak louder than words and very few people could trust a partner, or get back to normal with them after going through what the OPs friend has. It would be intelligent of this woman to see a solicitor and take their advice. The suggestions to contact Women's Aid are wise, they are very experienced in guiding people through awful situations like this.

Toto

I agree that your friend needs to ensure she is safe, no one should be in a home where they fear for their safety. So, women's aid is the best place to start.


All of that said, people don't tend to suddenly turn into violent abusers after a 10 year relationship. So, I would encourage her partner to get some medical attention. There is a possibility that there is a physical reason for the sudden change in behaviour which can include mental health issues to even a brain tumour and lots of things in-between. Of course this doesn't lessen the impact of his behaviour but it is possible that the man needs some support too.


That said, I will repeat though that your friend should take steps to ensure her safety before anything else.

paulineb_2

Voyager2002 wrote: »

She acted well by calling the police, removing him from the house and making it very clear that she would not accept this kind of behaviour. Victims of domestic violence generally do not respond as decisively when such behaviour begins, and suffer increasingly as it escalates.

In this case, what matters is what the man says to HER when next they meet. If he had never behaved like this before, then her strong response means that such behaviour is unlikely to become a pattern.

Do remember that we have only heard a fragment of the story, and have no idea what she said to him in the hours and minutes before he snapped. It has been observed since Biblical times that the tongue of a woman has the power to enrage any man past the limit of his self-control: a power that wise women use only with extreme care.

I've never heard such rubbish in my entire life. Everyone has the option to walk away rather than lash out.


And she might have said nothing. What's his excuse then? Dear me. Comments like the above sicken me.

Indo77

Guy has had no traits of this at all over 10 years, suddenly has this crazed outburt. That suggests that something could be seriously wrong with his physical or mental health. Brain trauma of some kind? People should not judge a book by its cover, it's very easy to sit back in judgement of other people...

Vicky123

Can the OP be sure there are absolutely no problems in this relationship? As everyone already said acting completely out of character like that is indicative of a mental health problem.
Could it be that this is the first time he has been physically abusive to his wife but not the first time he has been verbally abusive?
Victims of abuse often times go to great lengths to hide what's happening, she could have been covering for him for years and it's now got worse instead of better.
Either way, a solicitor or a doctor should be contacted and only the friend knows which one is most appropriate.