equal balance?

DUTR

Retrogamer wrote: »

Hopefully he won't run off. It would be poor show to only stay with a partner because they do most of the house work.

The OP is looking for suggestions & advise though though, not anyone to change him.

The OP had asked "How do you split it in your house im trying to make changes for the new yr."

It matters not what other do in a sense, yes it would be a poor show if he did run off, but trying to change a partner is also poor, love them for who they are.

loopyloouk

Hi,
I genuinely dont want to take his enjoyment from the footie or oub away but something has to give, marriage is meant to be a partnership not me do it all.

I just wanted to see the dynamics in other peoples homes/lives etc first.

ska_lover

loopyloouk wrote: »

Hi all,
Bit of a moan sorry, I broke up from work monday and I am back in tomorrow, my other half isnt he has until thursday off. How do you all split things?
For example, he has been out drinking and football 3 days this week and just presumes il be ok to have LO yet if I planned to have a night out etc I need to check hes free to watch her? Just doesnt seem fair, is this normal?
The housework etc is mainly done by me, he occasionally washes up but not regularly despite me cooking every night. We both work full time yet doesn't seem a great balance.
I have mentioned it before but he says its different for men.
How do you split it in your house im trying to make changes for the new yr.

Any advice peeps?

My advice would be to speak with your partner. It doesn't seem a fair balance if you are doing most of the housework, you are not his slave! For example, if you cook an evening meal, will he clean the kitchen afterwards?

Have a chat with him, without being accusing, as he MAY not realise you feel like this - some blokes are oblivious and need training - be gentle and non accusing

Look at his mother - did she do absolutely EVERYTHING in the household and make a martyr of herself? If so this may be the root of the problem. Some blokes are brought up with the idea that women are there to do everything within the home. My MIL did everything for her sons, and when me and my Husband first moved in together, he seemed to assume it was going to be the same..how WRONG he was..lol

If he doesn't listen to a gentle talking to then it is time for action! Just STOP doing all the chores. You have got to change this unfortunately....

maman

loopyloouk wrote: »

Hi,
I genuinely dont want to take his enjoyment from the footie or oub away but something has to give, marriage is meant to be a partnership not me do it all.

I just wanted to see the dynamics in other peoples homes/lives etc first.

Speaking as someone who enjoys football I agree with you. Doing his share isn't a punishment but it should be an expectation. Like others I'm amazed that he thinks being a man excuses him household duties.

What we do in our home is to divide the task about 50:50 but based on our skills and preferences rather than just half of everything. So I do all the food shopping, laundry and cook dinner. DH cooks breakfast, does the cleaning and gardening. Other jobs like making lunch or sorting out the car or paying bills we both have a hand in. Our children are grown up now so need for childcare but that would need to be shared too IMO unless working hours dictated otherwise.

What I'd definitely suggest is that you try to have a conversation where OH (and you) have choices. Tell him the 'I'm a man' excuse won't wash. Women weren't born knowing how to cook and clean. They learned and so can he!

Oh and buy a dishwasher!;):rotfl:

DaftyDuck

I've never understood the blokishness of the "won't do chores" bit.... and I'm a bloke! (well, sort-of... male, anyway).

My wife works longer hours than I do. Therefore, when I finish "work", I keep doing "house"work 'til she's finished. I do almost all the cooking on top of that (because I'm a culinary genius :A ), and at least half the general housework... We'd follow the "who cooks, other washes up", except we are lazy and do the cleanup the next morning... and she starts earlier too, so that's down to me as well!

Playtime is just that - time when both of us are free to do what we want, play alone or play... together... ( ) ... no not that... well... maybe ... as a reward for being a helpful hubby.

I do wonder if all you hard-pressed female folk shouldn't claim to "have backache from the housework, sorry love" or "just too knackered from all the cleaning, another night maybe"... I suspect the house would be dealt with first for the next few weeks at least....;)

Dunroamin

DUTR wrote: »

The OP had asked "How do you split it in your house im trying to make changes for the new yr."

It matters not what other do in a sense, yes it would be a poor show if he did run off, but trying to change a partner is also poor, love them for who they are.

Getting someone to do their share of the housework isn't the same as trying to change who they are as a person!

LannieDuck

loopyloouk wrote: »

he has been out drinking and football 3 days this week and just presumes il be ok to have LO yet if I planned to have a night out etc I need to check hes free to watch her? Just doesnt seem fair, is this normal?

IMO what goes for one should go for the other. Why is he more important than you?

loopyloouk wrote: »

I have mentioned it before but he says its different for men.

Really? Did he say why?

loopyloouk wrote: »

How do you split it in your house

My OH is a SAHD, so he does all the shopping and cooking (he enjoys cooking). The kitchen has become 'his domain', and he tends to sort out the dishwasher too. I do most of the laundry just because he never gets around to it (I used to leave all of his for him to do, but I do a bit of his now too - only seems fair when he's doing all the cooking etc).

We have a cleaner once a fortnight for the vacuuming and for a thorough clean of the bathroom/kitchen. Our garden used to get overgrown, but we now have an occasional gardner to keep it under control.

OH sorts out all IT stuff, I sort out all financial stuff.

Apart from that, we both tidy up after our 2yo, and I tend to think it's unfair for one of us to sit down and relax in the evening if the other is still doing chores. So we'll both pitch in and then both collapse together :rotfl:

LannieDuck

DaftyDuck wrote: »

Playtime is just that - time when both of us are free to do what we want

This, exactly :T Anything else suggests one half of the partnership is less equal than the other.

Mojisola

loopyloouk wrote: »

I have mentioned it before but he says its different for men.

And you didn't fall about laughing? :rotfl:

While you keep doing everything, it sounds as if he'll let you.

paulineb_2

loopyloouk wrote: »

Hi all,
Bit of a moan sorry, I broke up from work monday and I am back in tomorrow, my other half isnt he has until thursday off. How do you all split things?
For example, he has been out drinking and football 3 days this week and just presumes il be ok to have LO yet if I planned to have a night out etc I need to check hes free to watch her? Just doesnt seem fair, is this normal?
The housework etc is mainly done by me, he occasionally washes up but not regularly despite me cooking every night. We both work full time yet doesn't seem a great balance.
I have mentioned it before but he says its different for men.
How do you split it in your house im trying to make changes for the new yr.

Any advice peeps?

Oh oh, different for men. I think you may have made a bit of a rod for your own back by allowing him not to do very much.