equal balance?

loopyloouk

Hi all,
Bit of a moan sorry, I broke up from work monday and I am back in tomorrow, my other half isnt he has until thursday off. How do you all split things?
For example, he has been out drinking and football 3 days this week and just presumes il be ok to have LO yet if I planned to have a night out etc I need to check hes free to watch her? Just doesnt seem fair, is this normal?
The housework etc is mainly done by me, he occasionally washes up but not regularly despite me cooking every night. We both work full time yet doesn't seem a great balance.
I have mentioned it before but he says its different for men.
How do you split it in your house im trying to make changes for the new yr.

Any advice peeps?

jackomdj

We both do our share. Sometimes I do more, sometimes he does. We have very few jobs which the other doesn't do, however OH tends to clean the cars and I tend to do the gardening (but he does the lawn). We both cook, do the dishes etc.

OH missed his works drinks on the last working day before Christmas as I already had my works party on the calendar. I tend to drop the children to school and pick up as my hours were set for this. But if I need him to do it he does.

In our relationship it is very much shared, I wouldn't have it any other way.

claire16c

Oh my god if my husband said 'its different for men' he'd get one of my 'looks' lol!

But seriously he wouldnt even think to say something like that. I mean hello its not the 1950s anymore, my goodness.

When we were both working full time, the house work was split. Now Im part time I do more.

Yes it might be me who notices dust, dirt etc more and I will have to say him 'please can you hoover whilst I clean the kitchen' etc, because he'd be pretty happy to live in a hovel, but that doesnt mean he can just not do it! I know couples who are the other way around, its nothing to do with gender, just more based on who can stand/notice dirt/mess more.

If you want change my advice is telling him you need more help, and Im sorry but Id just burst out laughing if my DH said anything about not doing house work because he happens to have some bits between his legs. It simply wouldnt be taken seriously and Id move on to the next sentence of what jobs needed doing.

You say he washes up occasionally - well why is that? If you want him to do it more, as youre cooking, then ask him. And dont do it yourself.

And going out 3 days and nights if you have a little kid without checking if you have plans too, seems really unfair to me especially if he needs you to check with him.

Sorry but I think the only way he gets away with this is probably because you let him. If the dishes start piling up, well oh well what a shame theres no plate for his dinner he'll have to eat out the pan!

sassyblue

You need to put your foot down more and tell hubby what he can do to help. It should be 50/50 but in my experience it isn't, my hubby will try to do less if he can get away with it, actually sometimes I'm not sure it is deliberate, he just doesn't see jobs that need doing.

I'm better at giving DH jobs now but it still slips sometimes and l find myself doing more.

Eta, and another idea from now on, he doesn't EXPECT you to babysit, he ASKS if it's okay to play football.

Tiglath

My hubby used to be like that, until I said I would only cook if the kitchen was clean and the washing-up done beforehand - now he does it automatically if he expects to eat! We pretty much share things now although I do work much longer hours than him in general.

missprice

Lol he is a man therefore the household tasks don't need him?
If my OH even tried that he would not be a man much longer. Just to prove a point ya know!
I never notice that hoovering needs doing so OH does it, he never sees a dirty bathroom, so I do it.
If he forgets to empty bin I do it. if I cook, he washes up if he cooks, I wash up. We can both use the washing machine and dryer ( now he has been taught which stuff never goes in dryer)
Its never a straight 50/50 cos life gets in the way, but its pretty close.
You need to train yours better and tell him that he must ask if you have plans before he agrees to go out. Oh and have plans sometimes too.

pinkshoes

My OH does the washing up. If he doesn't, he gets soup for dinner. He soon got the message!

I do the cleaning, cooking and food shopping. He does bins and DIY.

I definitely do more than him.

Retrogamer

Split all chores down the middle. Equal share of cooking, cleaning, ironing ect.

If he doesn't participate, just cook, and do the washing for yourself and only clean up any mess you make around the house.

He'll soon get the message and he'll either change, or go hungry and be stuck wearing dirty clothes

DUTR

Retrogamer wrote: »

Split all chores down the middle. Equal share of cooking, cleaning, ironing ect.

If he doesn't participate, just cook, and do the washing for yourself and only clean up any mess you make around the house.

He'll soon get the message and he'll either change, or go hungry and be stuck wearing dirty clothes

Or run off !
Sadly the OP will have to discuss with her partner, a bunch of internet strangers are not going to change him, it's everybody's holiday is it not?

Goldiegirl

We've always split the household and gardens tasks 50% each.


I now only work two days a week and my husband works 4 days a week, so I've taken on a bit more, but my husband still does his fair share.


I don't get why he thinks it's different for men...... after all we are nearly in 2014, not 1914.


He'd get short shrift from me about his attitude, and I think he's acting like this because he's been allowed to get away with it for too long.


I think you need to get together and thrash out the new ground rules. You'll need to get him to understand that by doing his fair share he's not doing you a favour - he''ll be doing what is expected in a modern partnership

Retrogamer

DUTR wrote: »

Or run off !
Sadly the OP will have to discuss with her partner, a bunch of internet strangers are not going to change him, it's everybody's holiday is it not?

Hopefully he won't run off. It would be poor show to only stay with a partner because they do most of the house work.

The OP is looking for suggestions & advise though though, not anyone to change him.