Time to change?

paulineb_2

I never give a gift expecting a thank you letter. I text people to say thanks and wish them a Merry Christmas and vice versa.

I think the bigger issue is that you received nothing from these people, not even a token gesture, are you going to continue spending 200 a year on people who don't want seem to include you?

marisco_2

sleepymans wrote: »

Have I been a fool to be so generous or am I "thoughtless" by giving cash instead of gifts?

You are very kind to be so generous. Giving cash is not a thoughtless gift. It enables the recipient to go out and buy something of their choosing. Rather than ending up with lots of stuff that they have no need or use of. The only ones being foolish and thoughtless here are those people who haven't acknowledged you and said 'thank you'. I imagine you will think twice before being so considerate to them again! Did they even bother to remember you and wish you a happy Xmas? Something tells me that is a no too sadly. Manners seem to be a thing of the past.

Mojisola

sleepymans wrote: »

I live over 200 miles from most of my family, however another relative was seeing them all over Christmas so I asked her to take from me a gift for my Mum and I put £25 cash each in money wallet type cards for everyone else (3 adults and 5 kids aged between 10 and 17 yrs).

My Mum called me thrilled with her pressie, but NOT ONE of the 8 others has either called, texted, emailed or sent via word of mouth one syllable of thanks.

I don't give to receive and sincerely don't mind that I won't get anything "in return", if I want something personal I like to choose it (and pay for it) for myself anyway. But 2 words of acknowledgement too much to expect?

Have you given them presents before? Have you had any thank-yous from them in the past?

Tiddlywinks

I never like giving cash - it just doesn't seem that thoughtful or personal. I only tend to give cash to teenagers who have said they are saving for something.

If I received cash from a relative, as an adult with my own income etc, I'd be a bit insulted to be honest. I'd rather just have a card with a lovely personal message and a phone call on the day.

Could you not have bought presents and posted them or given them to the relative who was visiting?

Cash just screams that it was a hurried afterthought.

Brighton_belle

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Cash just screams that it was a hurried afterthought.

But still deserves a thank you?


With the kids presents, I would give them a bit longer - it normally takes a few weeks to hear from the children in my life and I know they have other people to thanks too.
With cash, always love hearing what they have spent it on so maybe they are waiting to send it then thank you?


I do understand why you feel hurt though.

LiveOnce

paulineb wrote: »

I never give a gift expecting a thank you letter. I text people to say thanks and wish them a Merry Christmas and vice versa.

I think the bigger issue is that you received nothing from these people, not even a token gesture, are you going to continue spending 200 a year on people who don't want seem to include you?

!!!!!!!! advice.

Indie_Kid

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Cash just screams that it was a hurried afterthought.

How? I've received cash from my grandparents for many years now. I don't know what I want for Christmas and it means I can put that money towards something, instead of receiving something I don't want.

iris

I got a 'thank you' email from my granddaughter for her birthday present in December, her birthday was in July and she was 22!! So don't give up yet, there is always hope.


I used to send presents to my grand-children, but found I rarely received a 'thank you' either by email or Facebook, so I now send them cheques, so at least I know the card and cheque have been received. They always cash them!!


In case you are wondering I have four grandchildren and they range from 19 to 28 and are in employment.


When they were young and lived at home their Mom made them send 'thank you letters'.


Only the eldest granddaughter sends us Christmas cards/birthday cards and we never receive presents.


Having spoken to friends, apparently it is the norm not to get thanked.


Like the OP, we are wondering whether to stop altogether.

Bogof_Babe

My niece and nephew were born and brought up quite a distance from me, and I only saw them a couple of times a year when they were brought to visit their grandparents (my parents). Therefore we never really had an easy, relaxed, chatty relationship, as I am a bit shy with youngsters and never knew what to talk to them about. There's still a bit of a "generation gap", so I wouldn't necessarily appreciate a phone call, although a text would be nice, and takes no time as they are on their phones all day!

Even now they are both adults, my sister still thanks me on their behalf, but what the heck, it doesn't seem to be part of young people's culture these days. When they finally finish their extended educations I might think about stopping, but while I can afford it and it helps them with their uni costs I just don't get stressed about it. They are smashing 'kids', and I'm very proud of them. We can't have everything .

In the OP's case, is there a subtle way of checking that the money was actually delivered? Maybe ask your mum? Sounds awful, but people you think you know well and can trust can be surprising .

Pollycat

iris wrote: »

I got a 'thank you' email from my granddaughter for her birthday present in December, her birthday was in July and she was 22!! So don't give up yet, there is always hope.

Maybe I'm too cynical but could this just be her way of saying 'Hey! Don't forget me at Christmas'. :rotfl: