Feel so sad - probably shouldn't

Lequirk_2

Your dad doesn't just sound tight, he sounds mean. Meanness of spirit, regarding you in particular. I would have given that £10k back to your dad and told him to open a bank account for your boys, or to give it to you freely, to spend on making your life as a family, more comfortable, thus benefitting your children anyway.

Next year, ignore his hints and buy him something inexpensive and thoughtless and hopefully something he dislikes. It is game playing and power playing on your fathers part that leads him to do these things.

persa

I think if you receive an inheritance, it should be spent according to the benefactor's wishes. Whether the money was directly gifted by the OP's nana or OP's father, maybe the nana had had a word in his ear about the money before she died. It's entirely possible she is the one who wanted it to be spent on the kids.

Re the present - I don't see anything wrong with a parent spending significantly less on an adult child - but to get something the OP hated? Does he know this? Was it definitely malicious or did he get muddled up? If it was malicious, I'd be feeling pretty hurt too. I'd like to think a memory slip was to blame, but only the OP can judge. Families are odd.

dawyldthing

if it was me i'd make a cheap calendar of photos from the past and of family members that means something but doesn't cost the earth and then if he questions it just say i thought i'd give something thoughtful rather than alcohol or something as if he does query it then it shows hes more after the expensive gifts.

Must say my dads a bit like this and I had an argument with him over the phone just before my birthday when he rung up and said i've not sent anything this year as money is tight yet he has just sold a load of stuff from his business and is going into another with my half brother that will be costing a hell of a lot of money. Its one rule for some and another for others and yes it does make me bitter at times but i think you just learn who to bother with and who to not

SingleSue

GwylimT wrote: »

You don't really have many choices, you can either ignore it and carry on, or give him a similar present next year.

My dad bought me some short bread for my birthday this year, I have coeliacs disease, so your not the only one with a father who has an interesting view on what constitutes a gift.

Sometimes they just don't realise....this year my parents purchased luxury ice cream specially for youngest as he cannot have Christmas pud due to his nut allergy.

The ice cream had nuts in and they hadn't noticed! Mum was beside herself when it was discovered and started stressing about what could have happened if we had not noticed but it was easily remedied with some plain and boring (mum's words) ice cream they already had in their freezer, youngest wasn't bothered...it was ice cream!

HPoirot

Lequirk wrote: »

Your dad doesn't just sound tight, he sounds mean. Meanness of spirit, regarding you in particular.

The ugly old vase says it all, as does blaming the OP for spending the 10k on a car. He knows exactly what he is playing at and derives pleasure from it.