Feel so sad - probably shouldn't

moneyistooshorttomention

paulineb wrote: »

He's not tight if he gave you ten grand.

And if you had spent some of the cash on you what could he gave done about it?
Make some choices, soon.

Oh yes he is (ie tights as a ducks !!!!). I'd be willing to bet that there is no way that that was HIS money he handed over. Sounds to me like it was an inheritance left to OP by Gran and meant for her (ie not her children).

Its up to OP what she does with that inheritance: be it spend it on herself or on her children or a little bit of both. Her money...her decision.

The mean father could only dictate terms for what its spent on IF its actually his own money he handed over. Judging by the high level of meanness he exhibits and the way the gift coincided with Nan dying I find the thought of it being his own money he gave OP unlikely in the extreme.

DO stop giving him Christmas presents and just turn a deaf ear if he has the nerve to drop hints about what he wants. A few chocolates doesn't constitute a present...he's not really giving a gift at all....only JUST enough to try and constitute an "obligation" to give him one back. I would say a few choccies don't constitute any sort of "return the favour" obligation at all.

Mupette

Pollycat wrote: »

I think this may be pretty common.

I spend lots more on my niece and nephew than I do on their Mum (my sister) and my own Mum.
When they are adults, I'll probably even things up.

My Mum spends a lot more for Birthdays & Christmas on my sister than she does on me - that's perfectly OK with me as our financial situations are very different and Christmas is a way of Mum buying things for my sister that she needs.

i do see your point, but i am an only child, she hasn't bought for anyone for years, my son is an only child. each year i send over a hamper of chocolates and cakes and things for treats at Christmas, they are my parents i wouldn't stop buying them what i can afford.

Jobseeeker

paulineb wrote: »

He's not tight if he gave you ten grand.

And if you had spent some of the cash on you what could he gave done about it?
Make some choices, soon.

He didn't give her ten grand he gave it to her boys.

paulineb_2

Jobseeeker wrote: »

He didn't give her ten grand he gave it to her boys.

And its still lying untouched in her bank account, my point was, someone who hands over ten grand isnt tight and if she had chosen to spend some of it on the family as a whole, how would he have ever known about it?

He assumed she had spent some of the money on a car when she actually hadnt.

GwylimT

You don't really have many choices, you can either ignore it and carry on, or give him a similar present next year.

My dad bought me some short bread for my birthday this year, I have coeliacs disease, so your not the only one with a father who has an interesting view on what constitutes a gift.

Scrapaholic

I would have been rather hurt that he hadn't managed to get the right chocolates . It's meant to be the thought that counts but where was the thought . I think before next Christmas I'd just ask if he'd prefer not to exchange gifts . If he says he wants to buy , set a £5 limit so it's just a token . I do think a lot of men with wives/ partners leave the gift buying to the women . Left to himself Dh would give money instead of trawling the shops for presents . He shops for mine but I do the hunting for everyone else's . Try not to let it get you down .

LannieDuck

Give him chocolates next year.

Mojisola

LannieDuck wrote: »

Give him chocolates next year.

If having discussions about his present-giving (and I feel sorry for your Mum - I doubt she's ever had a thoughtful present from him) won't work then do this - and make sure they aren't his favourite!

Maybe the reality of receiving what he's been happy to give will make an impression on him.

Spendless

I know very few families where Mum and Dad who are still together give their children (even adult ones) separate presents.

To me the issue has come about over how your parents are with each other over money. Your Mum getting sick of how much more disposable income your Dad had compared to herself and having to 'nag' in order to get your Dad to contribute to additional expenses decided to 'make' him buy his own presents as an alternative.

This has left you, who buys for each parent equally, feeling hard done to when Dad has given 'his' gift.

It's highly unlikely you'll get him to change, after all your Mum hasn't managed it.

Stephb1986_2

At least you got walnut whips! We spent £70 on OH's dad for christmas after him asking for certain things, we got nothing but OH's sister got £100 for buying a pair of £10 pyjamas tell me that is fair!