Visiting inlaws. Some honest opinions on whether this is fair or not please?

busiscoming2

I think it is a very, very good solution.
I would run the plan past the in laws just in case they feel differently, but as anyone who has had or been a house guest, there comes a point when you want your own space no matter how much you enjoy each others company.

thorsoak

What about staying with the inlaws for the first two weeks, having a week away, then going back to them for the last week? But explain to them that you want your children to experience another part of the country whilst you are over there.

GracieP

Person_one wrote: »

I think the issue with your plan is that it sends the message to your in-laws that you're only staying there because of their son, that once he's gone you and the children no longer feel 'connected' to them or like family.

I agree with this. Tbh, I think that if you were booked into an apartment for the whole 4 weeks it would have significantly less chance of causing hurt feelings than to leave their house when your husband leaves for home. Though obviously that may not be practical due to expense.

Hermia

I think it sounds perfectly normal to me. I have several friends and relatives who live abroad and they all do this when they are coming back to the UK. Most people who are visiting another country don't just want to be stuck in one place. I have never heard that anyone was offended.

fluffnutter

It's not unusual to do this and I think it sounds a good idea in principle. What does your OH think? I assume he knows his parents better than your mum does so why not ask him?

The other thing to remember is that not only are you thinking of your inlaws and their privacy, you're also thinking of your own. You'd probably welcome a break after a fortnight together and that's reason enough to rent somewhere else, IMO. The important thing is to present it tactfully.

meritaten

I think its a reasonable solution. But do discuss it with in-laws first before making arrangements.

Edwardia

I think your idea is a good one, I really don't understand why your mother objects.

Can't see why parents in law would feel offended, because if you stay with them for four weeks, that's a month of feeding a teenager, a month of putting their own lives to one side. Plus teenager might find it really boring especially if having to tone down the music, clothes, language etc.

The idea of renting an apartment sounds great. You could go out buying food and invite them to dinner and stay over if they wish, especially if it's more downtown than their place - maybe go see a movie or show with them as a thank you for their hospitality ?

If the MIL and FIL are Brits you could take some things with you like PG Tips, Yorkshire pudding mix etc and do a British dinner for them ?

Maybe teenager could do a non-ear-bleeding mellow music mix to play during dinner ?

mountainofdebt

I have to agree with your mum - I know I would see it as being odd if you up sticks the moment your OH left.

Obviously I don't know your finances but I would have thought an apartment for the whole duration of the trip would be a better idea....gives everyone space to do their own thing, as well as having time out from each other.....including leaving dirty clothes on the floor if the mood takes you!

KME91

Having been on the other side of things, I think your idea is a good one. My OH and I moved to the other side of the world two years ago, and we've had the inlaws to stay once, for nearly three weeks. By the end of that time we were ready for some personal space from them, even though they are absolutely lovely people, and they were excellent house guests. It was just too long a time sharing our small apartment with two other adults, and so we're thinking of offering to book them into a hotel somewhere interesting for part of their next visit, we're California based so maybe Los Angeles or Napa for a wine tour for a few days. I don't think it's unreasonable, it can just get to be a bit much otherwise. It's just important to make sure you communicate clearly and reassure your MIL that it's nothing against her or her hospitality.

gingin_2

It's still a hard one. Very mixed responses that I am grateful for and have definitely given me lots to think about.

I'm still with family for the Christmas break but returning home later so I will respond properly then but thank you very much.