Learning to think like a frugal person

chanie

I've been very good with reading my ARC this week and it has really helped with getting me back on track. I did track my finances this month and I did spend quite a lot of money, but most was due to a genuine need. There was £50, which was frustrated away, but I don't think that's bad going in the grand scheme of things.

frugal family fun
One of the statements on my ARC was about building nice memories with Mr Chanie and our children. I'm collating a list of free or really cheap things to do for frugal family fun. We have done a few these last few days:

Friday -using a perk from my employer, my sister and I took our children to two attractions, not too far away. Admittedly, my children were a bit too young to appreciate it, but enjoyed being out and about. We brought snacks and drinks so other than petrol, was FREE.

Saturday - we went to a local park. There is a forest area as well (we live in London, so a couple of trees is a forest to me!!!). We explored the forest and discovered loads of blackberries. I plan to pop back to pick some more and try my hand at making some jam. FREE.

ForMyGirls

Hey Chanie,

Good on you for finding such fun frugal activities to do with the family. I think especially when they are little they enjoy the simple things like exploring a forest more than expensive stuff anyway. A few years ago I had a road trip with the kids where we ended up doing home made sangers on at a roadside stop instead of the Macca's they ask for and they had such a blast exploring the space - a much better break from the inside of a car than being in the inside of a building.

I went a little off program the last few days - got very caught up in a work project I was really enjoying and didn't do a very good job of saying the work is ended. Fortunately very little off plan spending - but I definitely noticed the resolve weakening when I wasn't posting here or doing my Beck reading.

I noticed the other day that there was this cool thing where I had stopped worrying about what money I had or didn't have - that I was so clear with myself that there were certain things I would be spending on for the fortnight that it took all the worry away because there just wasn't the option of spending!

Anyway - enough babble - Day 20 today - "It's Not Okay". Wrote myself a new "It's Not Okay" response card reminding myself that everytime I stay on plan is building my resistance muscle and that if I want to get out of debt I have to stop fooling myself and recognise that there is very very rarely a need to spend money I haven't planned for.

Another good thing is that today I did the exercise about putting things in my shopping basket that I had to put back on the shelf. I did it as part of my grocery shopping. It was actually kind of fun to put these things in my trolley that normally I would agonise about as I walked past. I nearly forgot to take them out thought - I had been waiting in the queue and then just before I got to the end I realised and had to take them back to the shelf and start again at the back of the queue!

StressedSteph

Hi FMG


It was interesting reading your post today as I have recently slightly started spending without checking YNAB first. Its so hard when the children are home, not to get swept along with ideas of things to do and end up spending money we don't have.


You did make me laugh when you said about almost forgetting to take the items out of your shopping basket. You have waaay more resistance power than me.


xxx

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Thanks for dropping in to say Hi Steph. You are so right about it being harder not to overspend with kids around!

Day 20 today (I got my day number wrong yesterday). Get back on track. This is a tool I really imbibed last time around so it felt like "yeah - got it" when I did my reading today. It also came in a bit practically handy today. An aspect of "get back on track" is that it says (in diet context) - if you've gone astray - don't try to 'undo' the damage by starving yourself to get the calories back on track - just accept that you will be over that amount that day and be on program for the rest of the day / week / month.

So today I was thinking about what my spending plan will be for the next fortnight - I have gone over on my spending budget this fortnight because I forgot I had a haircut booked. I started out by thinking - well I have to deduct that from next fortnight's spending money - and then I thought - that's going to just send me into a world of deprivation and constantly struggling to catch up so I have drawn a line at the end of this fortnight and am focusing on planning well for next fortnight so it doesn't happen again.

Am confronting some interesting thoughts and feelings about money at the moment. We are going away for a few days next week. My partner has been doing extra work lately which means he has some $ in the bank - but also that he is pretty knackered and really needs a holiday. I had said that I couldn't afford anything beyond some basic camping (really I can't even afford that) so he has said that he will shout me the holiday. At one level I know that he is totally fine with this - and I know that if the tables were turned I would be totally fine with treating him. But it feels very uncomfortable being the one who isn't paying. It makes me realise I often feel like this - that I am letting people down - or spongeing off people if I don't pay my share of costs. I guess something for me to learn is the ability to say "I can't afford that - I can pay my way if we do a cheaper option - but if you would prefer to do the expensive one I'm afraid you'll need to pay for some of mine". Aaagh - that feels like an awful thing to say. Does everyone feel like this - or is it just me????

Anyway - enough blather. Some credits - I didn't cave to kiddie pressure to buy a treat at the shops today. SOmeone recommended a book to me that I have diarised to look for in the library (in the past I would have downloaded an ebook). There was a funky piece of software I wanted for work that I already had an iPad version of so I made do with the iPad version even though it would have been easier to achieve the task on a computer.

Hmmm - I'm realising I'm operating on top of a lot of negative feelings that are freaking me out! So now I am going to stop and notice them. In doing the forecasting for the fortnight I realised that I really have so little 'available' money each fortnight. Out of my 'play' money I pay for coffee pods and we have a once a fortnight takeaway tradition - and after I pay for both of those I have about $40 a fortnight left - and that is meant to buy clothes, haircuts, any socialising that costs money etc. I was thinking about buying icecreams with the kids this weekend and I realise I can't afford to. Makes me think - do I need to stop drinking coffee? Or turn the takeaway into a once a month? Or even less frequent? But either of those seem a bit unbearable. I guess it is just about choices isn't it. Is it more important to me to have the coffee I like every morning - or to be able to buy a new item of clothing more than once every six months????

chanie

I typed a huge post earlier, but my tablet lost it. So here goes again....

FMG - I feel your pain about giving up stuff you love like the coffee and takeaways. I think that maybe the reason why you don't want to give them up is because you will feel really deprived and you won't see the 'benefit' of the money, as it will get swallowed up in living costs as opposed to having something tangible.

My ideas (hope they help)
Divert some of the money to a 'treat' fund just for you.

Cut back on other areas if you can, so there is more cash to go around. I know you said you hated aldi, but if you cab bear trying it again for some items, it may allow you to keep your treats.

Takeaways. I have two suggestion:
1) cut back in what you buy. When I buy Indian food, I make boiled rice at home rather than buying it. If I'm buying a curry with a thick sauce, I cook plain chicken and add it to the sauce - my local curry house is quite tight on chicken but heavy on the sauce. I can stretch a small mild curry between me and the children (OH has a hot curry). I don't do it as often as I should though.
2) I have a book called the takeaway secret by kenny McGovern. Available on kindle and hardback. The author isn't a cook, but made it his mission to recreate his favourite takeaways like big macs, curry, kebabs etc. OH and I have fun trying the recipes and it could be a nice change and quality family time if the girls help.


I did the 'put something in the trolley and put it back challenge'. It wasn't intentional but worked well!!! I was in the supermarket today and they had a sale on in the clothes section. I picked up a top which had 1 whole pound off. As I wad shopping, I started to think 'chanie, it's only a pound off, hardly the bargain of the century. You don't get paid for another week. If you really want it, wait until pay day and pay the extra £1'. I put the top back. Upon reflection, I was thinking, it's only STUFF and in the grand scheme of things, STUFF, doesn't really matter, does it?.

FMG, I too have noticed I'm becoming obsessed with money and not in a good way. I have a list as long as my arm of things I need (want). Whilst I have been waiting until pay day, I find myself counting down the days until payday so I can spend. This is something I really need to work on. My nephew is a wonderful example - unlike his spendthrift sister, he says 'there isn't anything I wanted' with a shrug of his shoulders. There is always something I want. I really need a hobby, but I'm limited in what I can do, due to home commitments.

ForMyGirls

Thanks Chanie for your support and your ideas.

The boiled rice with the take away is an excellent idea - we have a habit of getting one of these set meals - which is too much food - but ends up cheaper than what we would buy individually - but we took out the rice then it would probably be cheaper to do individual dishes - and I could also do pappadums at home.

I also had an idea today on the coffee front - my work has a coffee machine which I don't use much because I have my coffee first thing in the morning. But it occurred to me that on the days that I go into work really early (2 days a week) I can wait and have coffee half an hour later, for free, which will make my pods at home last longer :-)

I think the other thing I can work on is getting better at making social catch ups coffees rather than meals - lunch with a friend chews up all my fortnightly cash. Who knows I might even find a way to spend time with friends without spending any money!!!!!

Some credits for today:
- Looked for specials in the grocery store today and made my choices based on that;
- Noticed we have lots of leftovers from last 2 nights so have stuck the food I had lined up for tomorrow night in the freezover and we can do leftovers instead
- Did my ARC and reading and am posting / planning tonight - despite it being a busy old day

Day 21 today - preparing for the first stocktake. In the diet world it is about getting your head right so that if the number on the scale hasn't gone down, or hasn't gone down as much as you want, that you won't freak out. I guess the equivalent in this financial world is that I sometimes the debt won't have gone down much (possibly not at all?) if it has been a fortnight where interest accrues on the debts. So I should make sure before I crunch the numbers ecah fortnight that I get myself ready to handle what might come. All that said - I'm looking forward to cruncing the numbers tomorrow and updating my signature!

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Day 22 today. One of my totally favourite tools - Oh Well. I use this all the time.

Credits for the day - there was a shift in my mind today. It is one of those things that when i try and explain it it sounds so bleedingly obvious - but it for me it was really profound. If i am going to get out of debt and live in a way that doesn't result in falling back into debt there are going to be thing I can't have anymore. It isn't that i am doing some magic trick where i move everything around and end up having everything i have ever had, but without the debt. So rather than keep piling up the things i will be able to get "when i am out of debt" i should start to think of this time as a way of learning what I can actually afford. It is a bit like the "learning to eat right" as opposed to "being on a diet" that will end one day.

chanie

Your comment about 'learning what I can afford' is a great reminder for me. This is exactly where I need to get to. Its about having the life you want, but without feel deprived. I've made some changes over the years - I've given up buying expensive snacks when out and about, magazines and paying for expensive car parks. However, I still have further to go. I can fritter money away quite easily, so I need to work on this.

Long term credits
Allocating weekly play money is working
Writing a list of things I want and saving up for them
Frugal family fun

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Yay to you Chanie - those are great long term credits!

The bust week precluded me from posting last night - but i still did all my reading and stayed on track - so big credits for that. We had a sadness in our house yesterday too with two of our 3 chickens being taken by a fox. Our chooks are very much pets so we are very sad for our two girls - and for the surviving one who saw it all and is now sleeping by herself. We will get her some replacement friends soon as I am told that chickens are very social animals who need company.

Yesterday was Day 23 - countering thoughts of unfairness and today was Day 24 - dealing with discouragement. It was interesting to notice that i think these are much bigger issues for me in the world of frugal living than healthy eating. I don't ever really feel like "it isn't fair" that some people can eat things I can't - but i do often find myself thinking it is "unfair" that other people can spend money that I can't.

I also don't often get overwhelmed where food is concerned and think I can't keep going - but living frugally often looks impossible, overwhelming and unending. So today and yesterday did some of the thinking Beck suggests about the advantages i have in life and wrote a response card to help me next time I'm thinking this budgeting is impossible.

So - some credits: the last 2 days I have implemented my 'have free coffee at work strategy'; i resisted the temptation to buy lunch and took my packed lunch today; when i bought petrol today I only bought the budgeted amount and even left $10 behind so there is money for parking. I have been consistently going over budget on my petrol, parking, bus fares budget so it is good to have set things up so that I won't this time. If the tank is running low by the end of the fortnight I will just have to use the bus!

chanie

Sorry to hear about your chickens.

What I find helps me with doing this plan, is my ARC statement about 'making my money work for me.' This works really well with the unfairness and disappointment. I've been thinking that my money is a business and so just like my job, I have to plan things, prioritise and get the best deal I can. It really takes time and effort to stay on track.

I have a few thoughts about your coffee:

'Learning to think like a frugal person' has become a mantra on mine (thanks, it's a great phrase). So if I'm faced with a dilemma, I try and put my frugal hat on. So with the coffee, I would think 'I can get free coffee at work, I should really take advantage of that whilst I can. Work are paying so I can put that money towards something else'. With lunch, it's 'Yes, shop bought is lovely, but if I find a few yummy recipes,I can make it up at home. Plus, It will help with my weight loss as I'm totally in control over what goes into my lunch. It's killing two birds with one stone and is really efficient.'

Tomorrow is Dd's second birthday so I've been doing some prep today for her party tomorrow. I did a really frugally unfrugal thing today. I bought some foil containers for the party food. I have ovenware at home, which I could have used for free, but I wanted to use disposable trays for convenience. I found the cheapest place and got them from there, hence it being frugally unfrugal.

I've been thinking about how I plan to pay off my overdraft. I have been using the plan to try and manage my money, buy not to get out of debt. This has been because we haven't really had enough spare cash to do so. My plan is to start saving up, pay off a chunk in Dec 2015 and then reduce my overdraft. It may seem a strange way of doing things, but I think this is the best way for me. If I pay off some of my overdraft each month, I will probably end up spending the money. So this seems like the most sensible way.