Feeling really sad today

Morglin

I was in the same position as you 10 years ago - Christmas, marriage over (a 30 year marriage!), different reasons to you, but relationship dead, so I gritted my teeth, got through Xmas, and then walked out the first week of January.

I felt 10 years younger, so, filed for divorce, then got on with life.:T

I'm now remarried to a man I adore, and life couldn't be better.

Make the new year a new start.:beer:

Good luck.

Lin

dandelionclock30

I would leave the cat I would take them with me, dont leave yourself with the love of your pet.

System

There will need to come a point where you decide to either stay and work through things or leave. Otherwise you will be here this time next year, saying and feeling much the same, which seems a shame.

rocketqueen

Hi everyone.

Things came to a head with me and husband last night via a huge argument.

Basically he told me enough is enough and we either both agree to try to mend our marriage one last time, or he wants me to leave for good - today.

He wants to go with the try one last time option, but im not sure, I thought I was ready to leave but now it feels so scary and daunting. Im still almost sure our marriage is over but the thought of leaving is terrifying and even though we are just more like friends now I know im going to miss him lots.

Feel so weak and pathetic as thought this was what I wanted.

Been crying since last night and keep looking at my cat and around our flat and crying even more.

I have no where to go tonight if I do leave, my friend I stayed with last time is away and my mum is too far away to be able to get to and from work. So im thinking it'd have to be a hotel.

Just want to run away from all this and not have to deal with it anymore.

lika_86

rocketqueen wrote: »

Hi everyone.

Things came to a head with me and husband last night via a huge argument.

Basically he told me enough is enough and we either both agree to try to mend our marriage one last time, or he wants me to leave for good - today.

He wants to go with the try one last time option, but im not sure, I thought I was ready to leave but now it feels so scary and daunting. Im still almost sure our marriage is over but the thought of leaving is terrifying and even though we are just more like friends now I know im going to miss him lots.

Feel so weak and pathetic as thought this was what I wanted.

Been crying since last night and keep looking at my cat and around our flat and crying even more.

I have no where to go tonight if I do leave, my friend I stayed with last time is away and my mum is too far away to be able to get to and from work. So im thinking it'd have to be a hotel.

Just want to run away from all this and not have to deal with it anymore.

Why do you have to be the one to leave? It sounds like he's suggesting he's willing to give it a try so that he can say that you aren't willing and therefore should be the one to go.

Could you even afford to live in a hotel if you did leave?

rocketqueen

I'd be the one to leave as although we are married I see it as his flat. He brought it long before we were married with money left to him by his grandad.

I would therefore not try and get him to go, it just wouldn't seem right. Maybe that sounds stupid but it's way I feel.

I could afford to stay in hotel till my friend gets back on Wednesday, so that's not really an issue.

Person_one

He's got some bloody nerve! Putting you on the spot and basically threatening to throw you out if you don't agree to what he wants to do?

Unacceptable.

Take back some control, this is not a man who cares about you or will loook out for your well being so you'll have to do this for yourself. You've already decided that the marriage us over, so you already know that 'one last try' isn't an option. That does not mean that you have to pack a bag and leave today though!

It's not just his home, it's yours too. It doesn't matter where the money came from, you're married and you've both lived there together for years.

Tell him it's over, tell him there's no going back, that you've tried but what he did is unforgivable. Take this opportunity to end it once and for all, but on your terms! Ring your mum, or a sibling, or a good friend right now and ask them to come round to support you if you want, let them see his true colours.

paulineb_2

Don't leave without taking legal advice. And if you do want to leave, he should give you enough time to find somewhere else to stay.
How long realistically can you afford to live in a hotel. If you do go, you need to start looking at housing options, and what you are going to do with your belongings.

If you leave tonight there's no guarantee that he would let you back in at a later date to collect your things. And even though family and friends are too far away let them know what's going on, you need support.

ifstar

Have you tried going to counselling together? Many couples are able to move on after an affair and you have said it is was a text (possibly physical affair).


If you can't save it then don't drag it on any longer, the sooner you start to move on the quicker you recover.

Tiddlywinks

Neither of you has to move out... just move to another bedroom if you have one... Or onto the sofa or whatever.

If you feel it's over then tell him BUT do it on your terms. Do what YOU need to do for you... if you need to stay a while to save some money, then so be it.

He let you down so he needs to put up with a little bit of inconvenience.

You don't need to eat together or anything... just treat it like a house share until you find somewhere else to go.

He shouldn't get to dictate what you do - that's your choice alone.