Feeling really sad today

rocketqueen

Sorry to post such a depressing post on xmas eve.

I'm sure some of you remember my post about me husband having a "text" (possibly physical affair) from a while ago.

Am finding it really hard now its xmas, we are still living together but have no real "relationship" now. As we haven't been getting on we agreed not to bother buying each other presents this year but now that feels so sad. I'm working today, tomorrow and boxing day so he's going to his family tomorrow until boxing day evening - we've not spent a xmas apart for 16 years.

Think I'm just feeling nostalgic for christmas's past, but I feel so fed up and sad this morning. Christmas isn't a good time of year for me anyway as have had some very close people to me pass away at this time of year - so its always hard.

Just want to cry.

Alikay

Sorry you're feeling sad - the perception that Christmas (and New Year too) is a time for happy families and loved up couples makes it all very hard to bear when your own life isn't so idyllic. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that in 9 or 10 days time, it'll all be over and everyone will be focussing on new beginnings and making changes - now that you WILL be able to identify with .

Hope all is nice and calm at work tomorrow x

Tommelise

hi rocketqueen

I am sorry to hear that you are still this sad, but in light of your other thread it is only natural. It does Sound like your relationship is over from the way you decribe your plans for the holidays

Do you have any plans of your own, or friends you could go to?

Maybee you could take it slow for the next fem days, and then start planning for a new start in the new year on your own.

hugs and best wishes

Karin

teawithmilk

Hi RQ, I cant give any advice as I will be in a very similar situation tomorrow. I just wanted to send you some best wishes as I know how bad you must be feeling.

I'm just trying to keep as busy as I can at work and just keep telling myself that its just 24 hours then everyone will be thinking about the sales and New Year, and then I can look forward to 2014.

I hope you manage to at least watch some good Christmassy telly and have some nice food!

dandy-candy

Hi RQ
I just read through ur old threads. It seems to me that for all the hurt and anger, you don't actually want to split up with ur husband.
One thing that I'm really shocked about is u dont seemed to have laid down the law regarding the other woman. I would have said no contact ever again, delete her number, texts etc and block her facebook. I also would have rung her and asked her whats been going on.
Don't feel u have to split, plenty of marriages survive stuff like this and ur husband sounds like he loves you and had a hell of a shock when he got caught out - good thing to as he needed a kick in the pants to realise what he really wanted.
I'd lay down the law now, hug him and try to bury this. The way u are carrying on at present must be misery for you both.

rocketqueen

Thanks everyone.

Think I'll be ok when I get to work this afternoon, its made worse by sitting indoors thinking.

I have no plans of my own but I'm working 12 hour shifts xmas day and boxing day so not to much spare time anyway. All I plan to do tomorrow night is eat junk and watch tv with the cat.

teawithmilk - sorry to hear your feeling similar - big hugs and hope your day isn't too bad.

dandycandy - I think its gone to far to save our marriage now to be honest. The trust and intimacy has completely gone. But thanks for your post.

bagpussbear

sorry to hear you feel so low.

My advice would be to focus on starting new beginnings in 2014, saying goodbye to that which is now gone. Think about how you envision next christmas to be (peaceful, joyful etc) and keep telling yourself that this sadness will be over by the time you get to next Christmas.

Hugs

dandy-candy

rocketqueen wrote: »

dandycandy - I think its gone to far to save our marriage now to be honest. The trust and intimacy has completely gone. But thanks for your post.

Sorry to hear that hun, best make a clean break ASAP then. You must still be quite young if you'd been talking about babies, there's still a lifetime ahead of you to fill with new happiness.
Good luck and hugs x

whitewing

I became much happier when I started to plan things that were important. A lovely Christmas was important to me. Yes, I went through a number of years where that special person was missing and I pined for that missing relationship. But I eventually wised up and realised that many of the ingredients for a happy life really weren't dependent on other people. So I would plan a few events or things that were important - a luxurious meal with Christmas alcohol. I can adapt this to suit this year's circumstances. This year we are going to my family for xmas dinner. This will be a very traditional xmas dinner where even red cabbage would be a deviation from the norm and would be a much commented about thing. So we are having our own version of festive food from M&S today. If we weren't with my family tomorrow then we'd have our version on Xmas day. The worse thing I used to do was hinge all my potential enjoyment on that elusive factor because that made me try less. You can still have a slightly magical Christmas this year, think of it as a practice run for next year's great Christmas! And pop and see LavenderBee's thread if you can find it. (Not the same circumstances as yours but life affirming nonetheless).

globetraveller

Just get over today and tomorrow in the best way you can. Then, if you haven't done this already, sit down and read everything you have written here. Then start to make and keep your new year resolutions! You have given it a go, time to cut your losses and move on with your life. He hasn't made any effort- and still texting the other woman and also forgetting your anniversary tells you everything really. I look forward to an update this time next year from a much happier poster. Good luck!

Oakie

Dear RQ
Sending you a virtual hug.
Working is probably a good thing at the mo,but take it easy.
And start planing some new year resolutions.
Darkest before dawn and all that.