Friend is going to be really hurt-what to do?

Lunar_Eclipse

I really don't know what I would do. Whatever you do, you will upset her; he is putting you in a horrible situation (let alone his girlfriend!)

So on that basis, I think I would give her the charm (& tell him you are asap) and then be ready for the tears. You can't win, so I'd avoid looking like a thoughtless friend (assuming you normally buy each other gifts) and her feeling she has a useless partner and best friend.

bagpussbear

I also agree with Norman's good idea of putting it on a chain, least she can wear it and enjoy the charm until such time she receives a bracelet (whether that from you or from her other half).

Don't feel awful, you've done everything with the best of intentions, shame this guy isn't a bit more caring about her.

shegirl

Phew!!!! I've battered him into submission,he's on his way and she WILL be getting her bracelet (apparently he has other things to get in town anyway...oh really,funny that eh?!?!?!?)

He a nice guy in general but a real !!!! to her at times,I don't know why she bothers but she always puts up with it or takes him back Largely due to her insecurity though I think

At least she can now smile and feel special

tesuhoha

If he doesn't want to buy her the bracelet then its his fault that you haven't got her a present. Therefore you could ask him to take the £30 and buy another present from you (with explicit instructions what to get) and you could return the charm after Christmas for a refund.

He will be the one who looks a c..t on Christmas Day if he doesn't buy the bracelet.

tesuhoha

shegirl wrote: »

Phew!!!! I've battered him into submission,he's on his way and she WILL be getting her bracelet (apparently he has other things to get in town anyway...oh really,funny that eh?!?!?!?)

He a nice guy in general but a real !!!! to her at times,I don't know why she bothers but she always puts up with it or takes him back Largely due to her insecurity though I think

At least she can now smile and feel special

Glad to hear it. Please ignore my last post. Maybe the festive spirit has touched him at last. Happy Christmas.

shegirl

Now I better hurry up and be really mean wrapping her charm in the socks she told everyone to buy her :rotfl:

fluffymuffy

I think the bigger picture is that you can't change people. He's like that and presumably your friend finds that attractive. This is going to be a recurring scenario until she realises that if she wants a particular thing she should buy it herself and give it to him to wrap up for her. (We've managed this way for decades). In this scenario, I might offer to get the bracelet for him.

paulineb_2

I think she needs to deal with the issues, as much as you are a valued friend, dont get too involved, he may be useless at present buying, but how is he in general?

shegirl

fluffymuffy wrote: »

I think the bigger picture is that you can't change people. He's like that and presumably your friend finds that attractive. This is going to be a recurring scenario until she realises that if she wants a particular thing she should buy it herself and give it to him to wrap up for her. (We've managed this way for decades). In this scenario, I might offer to get the bracelet for him.

Thing is,she's very insecure but most people don't realise as she's such a bubbly outgoing friendly person.The reality is that she thinks she doesn't deserve it.She a big girl (and I have to say also the most beautiful woman I know,she really is gorgeous and even being big can carry off a short skirt and look fantastic!) and thinks men see her as a 'charity case' or something easy.Her ex (father to her older children) had an affair with her mother...

She loves him,without a doubt,but if he doesn't sort himself out and she finds her self esteem he'll be gone!He can manage it for other people (I got a birthday present from him this year,only a big chocolate number one though,she got nothing from him).I'm not sure if he's intentionally a !!!! or if he's just flipping useless and doesn't want to get it wrong so doesn't bother?

shegirl

paulineb wrote: »

I think she needs to deal with the issues, as much as you are a valued friend, dont get too involved, he may be useless at present buying, but how is he in general?

Honestly?He has cheated on her a couple times over the years.He has needed 'breaks' where he lives away but is still with her because he was struggling with family life (they do have a daughter together).He does try but he struggles.

They got engaged at christmas a couple of years ago (no ring though..just a card lol) then he changed his mind etc etc

Thing is,she will often makes jokes about his cheating with him so it looks like she doesn't care.