Debt free by 40 -- 19 Months and counting

clearmydebts

I don't think it was fair of them to ask for money off you.

However, I don't understand why you are so resentful about helping her with her tablet. My mother in law is awful with technology ayoungein her early 60's. I often have to research and book a holiday for her and am currently typing an assignment for her. Her son lives next door and won't do anything for her.

wantabetterlife

Why didn't you tell her that your computer expertise costs £50!! I think it was really cheeky of them to ask for money for the bed. I totally understand where you are coming from with the "neediness" things....I have exactly the same situation as you and it drives me crazy!! I have come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with it is to basically cut your stick as much as you can...otherwise you will be cuckoo....like me

Eager_Elephant

clearmydebts wrote: »

I don't think it was fair of them to ask for money off you.

However, I don't understand why you are so resentful about helping her with her tablet. My mother in law is awful with technology ayoungein her early 60's. I often have to research and book a holiday for her and am currently typing an assignment for her. Her son lives next door and won't do anything for her.

I don't think Steph resents helping them, it's more that they want things done when they want it done which is immediately and Steph has a family, a home and paid jobs to do - she does not have time to drop everything and go running when they request it.


If she had rung and mentioned an issue and asked Steph to call round when convenient then that is good manners.


Presumably when your MIL asked for you to research a holiday you did not drop everything to do that and I assume typing the assignment is done when you have time and not when MIL demanded it?


I have a 75yr old step-FIL and he is a nightmare with technology, after BT Sport changed to Chromecast he has had to get a tablet to use it!
What a nightmare - luckily he is well trained and only asks us to fix things when we visit on a Sunday.
Every week there is an issue, this week it would not connect to BT Sport - DH looked at it and he had put it in aeroplane mode:rotfl:
DH and I rolled our eyes at each other and just joked to FIL that in the week just gone he had been abroad for a holiday!!

clearmydebts

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

I don't think Steph resents helping them, it's more that they want things done when they want it done which is immediately and Steph has a family, a home and paid jobs to do - she does not have time to drop everything and go running when they request it.


If she had rung and mentioned an issue and asked Steph to call round when convenient then that is good manners.


Presumably when your MIL asked for you to research a holiday you did not drop everything to do that and I assume typing the assignment is done when you have time and not when MIL demanded it?


I have a 75yr old step-FIL and he is a nightmare with technology, after BT Sport changed to Chromecast he has had to get a tablet to use it!
What a nightmare - luckily he is well trained and only asks us to fix things when we visit on a Sunday.
Every week there is an issue, this week it would not connect to BT Sport - DH looked at it and he had put it in aeroplane mode:rotfl:
DH and I rolled our eyes at each other and just joked to FIL that in the week just gone he had been abroad for a holiday!!

I just don't think that what she asked of Steph was too demanding, but that's just my opinion. It didn't sound like any time would have been convenient.

Personally I'd hate if my parents or in-laws felt they couldn't pick up the phone and ask for some thing to be fixed aside from a visiting day. It's not the way my family would work. But I don't live in the UK so maybe it's a cultural difference?

I think we'll have to agree to differ on this one

Eager_Elephant

clearmydebts wrote: »

I just don't think that what she asked of Steph was too demanding, but that's just my opinion. It didn't sound like any time would have been convenient.

Personally I'd hate if my parents or in-laws felt they couldn't pick up the phone and ask for some thing to be fixed aside from a visiting day. It's not the way my family would work. But I don't live in the UK so maybe it's a cultural difference?

I think we'll have to agree to differ on this one

What was asked of Steph (the tablet repair) was not too demanding and was easy to fix but what was demanding was her asking Steph to come immediately when as previously stated she has children, a home and jobs to do.
A convenient time would have been when Steph was not busy with other things - it was hardly a life and death situation to demand immediate attention.


My step-FIL has rung in the week before and we gave instructions by phone which he managed.


Any of my family can ring me at any time but as I have a very busy life who knows if I will be home - I think my step-FIL is very courteous not to ring in the week as he knows we both work full time, we have animals and are on various committee's.


I don't think we have a cultural difference being from different countries, I expect if we surveyed the whole of the UK half would love their family to ring constantly with demands and half wouldn't - I suppose it depends what your life is like.


Anyway, as you say lets agree to disagree as this is Steph's diary and if she needs a rant she can have one!!

StressedSteph

Hi guys,


Thanks so much for your replies and so sorry my rant caused a debate .


I have given it some more thought, which is why this forum is so brilliant because it makes you look at all the honest replies and maybe try to see if from another perspective.


I think previous history with the GF is playing a big part in me getting frustrated. It isn't really about the tablet issue in a way because if it isn't the tablet it will be something else. I have a list of things on my desk in front of me that they have asked me to do.


1) Ring up Premium Bonds and enquire about some old bonds they have and if they are still valid.
2 )They have a car tax fine which they want to appeal but have asked me to compose and type the letter.
3) GF found an advert in the paper for a tree she likes the look of and wants me to ring and order it for her. (no money given to me to pay for it as yet.


Plus having to go over twice this week to sort out tablet issues.


And the list will go on and on. I agree the tablet was probably beyond her to fix but she is perfectly capable of writing a letter or making a phone call but she has a nasty habit of exploiting the generosity of those around her, not maybe having a thought as to how busy I may already be.


Maybe this is why her two children have nothing to do with her and she rarely see's anyone from her side of the family .


Think maybe its because I don't feel so well that I have struggled with her this week, but I just wish that I could visit, have a nice chat and a cup of coffee without coming away with a folder of work to do for them. :mad:


Oh well, thanks for all your help ladies, nice to hear from both sides. Think it probably abit 50/50. She is asking too much and I am being abit stroppy

Puzzcat

Hi Steph,


Sorry your feeling a little put upon this week, I do remember you mentioning this situation before. I also feel quite annoyed on your behalf about the bed - money situation. I would have been tempted to deliver it back to them, but I think that would be thought of as childish and also you probably have got rid of your other one now and would have to sleep on the floor. :rotfl:


On the upside..


Its Spring... sun is shining.. (well it is in London..).. flowers are making an appearance.. (not in my garden, we just have dandelions...) and summer is on its way...


Keep smiling hun, it will all sort itself out. Any news on OH's op date?


Love Puzz. x

StressedSteph

Puzzcat wrote: »

Hi Steph,


Sorry your feeling a little put upon this week, I do remember you mentioning this situation before. I also feel quite annoyed on your behalf about the bed - money situation. I would have been tempted to deliver it back to them, but I think that would be thought of as childish and also you probably have got rid of your other one now and would have to sleep on the floor. :rotfl:


On the upside..


Its Spring... sun is shining.. (well it is in London..).. flowers are making an appearance.. (not in my garden, we just have dandelions...) and summer is on its way...


Keep smiling hun, it will all sort itself out. Any news on OH's op date?


Love Puzz. x

Thanks Puzzcat,


I got through a whole day yesterday without a phone call and I have done all the letter writing etc that they asked me to do so hopefully I will have earnt some peace for a day or two .


Funny you asked about hubby op, we had a letter from the hospital yesterday apologising that they hadn't be able to offer a date yet because of the back log with non-urgent procedures.
Quite good really as I currently have zero in the savings account :eek:. Should hopefully be able to squeeze about £400 out of the wages at the end of the month so that is getting us started. I could do with another month or so, so a delay in the op isn't too much of a disaster. Hubby seems perfectly ok in himself and the hernia hasn't gotten any worse so no panics.


Yes got lovely sunshine today. Working for 90% of it but hopefully it will last for over the weekend xxx

StressedSteph

Hi Diary


Had a horrible cough this week so managed to have abit of a lie in this morning .


Another gorgeous day, I think window cleaning is on the list for me today and also I also need to have a go at washing the wash. It is horrendous and I can't afford a hand wash.


super broke this weekend. I have £26 in the bank and the people hubby worked for last week do not get back off holiday until Sunday so most likely no wages until the beginning of next week. So tired of living pay check to pay check but no way out of it until debt has gone.


Ds annoyingly arranged for a friend of his to sleep over tonight and I was a fool early in the week and didn't say no. Trouble is I don't really have much food in, so no ham or crisps for lunch and not much for dinner. I have half a pack of minced beef that I might try to turn into a lasagne or spag bol. I don't usually like other children over if I haven't got anything nice to feed them. .


Washing is on the line, polytunnel needs watering and its a gorgeous day. Hope you are all having a nice sunny weekend xxx

Eager_Elephant

Hope you have a nice pottering Saturday.


I worry when my children have friends over but the kids seem to eat anything and they much prefer the meals I throw together rather than the meals I spend ages preparing - boys will eat anything anyway!! It will be fine.