Debt free by 40 -- 19 Months and counting

mfmaybe

This diary is for you, Steph. If having a moan is cathartic then do it. Dare I say it, the diaries aren't for entertaining the reader (just as well, as mine is snooze-ville!) but for helping the poster. And in any case, it doesn't read as moaning at all. It reads like a mum who cares

Great stuff that the treatments are starting up again. Did you factor those into your 2015 repayment plan in the end?

mummytogirls

Ohh Steph what a week you've had with DH's moaning and DS. Im glad you spoke to your friend re her son. I wouldn't want to be taxiing him around if he was treating my child like that!!! I agree its so hard being a parent, I think its much easier when they're at home and you can keep an eye on whats going on.. even if they are fighting each other at home!!!

Heres to a better week next week xx

debtfreeoneday

Glad things seem a bit better for you DS.

StressedSteph

mfmaybe wrote: »

This diary is for you, Steph. If having a moan is cathartic then do it. Dare I say it, the diaries aren't for entertaining the reader (just as well, as mine is snooze-ville!) but for helping the poster. And in any case, it doesn't read as moaning at all. It reads like a mum who cares

Great stuff that the treatments are starting up again. Did you factor those into your 2015 repayment plan in the end?

Thanks mfmaybe,

Last week was horrible, didn't help that I am due on soon (sorry tmi), so maybe I was slightly more emotional than usual .

Its just one thing after another with Ds, he isn't a completely innocent party, but I think he has a few issues that makes him unable to sometimes see when he is being too silly and annoying people, then gets completely devastated when things go wrong.

Still even after all of this as a parent I can't ignore when he is suffering at school.

Who knows what is the best thing to do.? In the end it is up to him to work his wy through these issues with his school friends, I just need to help steer him somehow.

xxxx

mummytogirls wrote: »

Ohh Steph what a week you've had with DH's moaning and DS. Im glad you spoke to your friend re her son. I wouldn't want to be taxiing him around if he was treating my child like that!!! I agree its so hard being a parent, I think its much easier when they're at home and you can keep an eye on whats going on.. even if they are fighting each other at home!!!

Heres to a better week next week xx

Hi MTG,

I have a nasty feeling that this issue isn't over yet, especially when he is using some weird tactic of saying to Ds he is his friend even if he doesn't act like it at school :eek:.

Unfortunately the parents do not see anything wrong and its just "Boys will be boys", which is all fine and dandy when its not their child crying himself to sleep.

She did say "would you rather we took our Ds to school" and I should have had the guts to say yes please, but I just said "As long as your son isn't picking on Ds then I am happy to carry on, but if he hates him then obviously us giving him a lift is very difficult". So I put the ball back in their court, as I was worried about ruining the friendship.
My friend is a lovely person, but I have seen it happen in the past, that she is only a fair weather friend and if things get tricky or tough she usually cuts ties with that person. Because of this I don't class her as a true good friend, but it is nice to be friends with her in our very small village.

Life is full of landmines sometimes isn't it

xx

debtfreeoneday wrote: »

Glad things seem a bit better for you DS.

Thanks DFOD,

I have ordered a couple of kids books from Amazon about self-esteem, their reviews read amazing and I am hoping they will give Ds tactics on not tolerating borderline bullies and give him some emotional support. Not over sure, apart from always listening to him, I don't know what else to do.

xxx

lhead123

Hi steph!

OH looked at the car and it's f**ked...but it 'might' be fixable depending on OH's skills and how much we are willing to spend on it to see if we can get it working....OH is working again now until Friday afternoon, so we'll find out then! In the mean time I'm bussing/walking everywhere - the walking is helping me lose the baby weight though!

Glad you talked to your friend about her son....I'm not sure how I'd feel either knowing that the boy was being nice out of school, but not in school where peer pressure is making him nasty...Shame you can't just stop giving the boy a lift to school as then you could advise your son to ignore him and stay away from his group of friends...

Hope you can find a new PS3 for cheap soon. I'll keep an eye out on the fb selling pages and if I see anything I'll let you know. My OH is exactly the same and ends up shouting and swearing at the tv saying how rubbish the game is, but still sits there for hours on end playing it! I've banished it to the bedroom now so at least the kids don't have to hear the abuse the tv gets! lol

xx

Eager_Elephant

Hi Steph


I have also had issues with my DD being bullied at school by kids that we lift share with.


My DD is a very sensitive girl and she often commented that 2 girls in her class who live in our village were picking on her. We thought girls will be girls and told her to ignore them. Then they started on her when they travelled home from school on the school bus (no teachers) and again we told her to ignore them. Luckily she only came home on the bus once a week as she had a childminder on other days.


While this was all going on the parents did lift share to Brownies once a week and sometimes the atmosphere in the car was awful.


Then one night it all kicked off big time (I had gone out for a meal with my best friend) and when DD logged into Kik (a chat app for kids) one of the girls had sent her the most awful message ever (it was littered with swear words and abusive language). My DD was really upset so DH sent a message to the girl to say that he had enough of all the bullying and would be taking it to the head teacher. The girl who's account it was said the other girl had done it using her account.
My DH told me later that he never intended to go to the head but hoped it would scare them enough to leave DD alone.


Next morning at 6.30am my phone rung and it was the mother of the girl who had used her friends account. The night before the girl who's account had been used had been so scared about the head teacher knowing she had told her mum what had been going on and the mother had then rung the other girls mother!
They had discussed the issue for half the night and both girls were grounded and were not allowed on the internet etc etc.
I admitted it had been going on for a long time but we wanted to ignore it as we thought they would grow out of it. The families were really shocked as they were quite well to do and did not use language like that.
We even got sorry cards.


The girls are much better now but there is still the odd !!!!!iness but as they are now at high school (we are two tier so they go straight to high from primary) they have found new friends and they don't have to be near each other.


It was easier for us to deal with when it was written down as there was no denying it had happened, the incidents on the bus were harder as it was one persons word against another. And like you I often wondered if DD had done something to annoy them.


Just want to send hugs to you and DS over this.


AS you say it is so difficult as a parent, I just wanted to scoop DD up and keep her away from them but on the other hand when she is an adult she will need to learn to deal with issues and so is it better to let her get on with things?


I hope this can get resolved.


By the sound of the boys mother I reckon she will be taking her own son to school. If she is a fair weather friend she won't want to deal with the hassle.

StressedSteph

lhead123 wrote: »

Hi steph!

OH looked at the car and it's f**ked...but it 'might' be fixable depending on OH's skills and how much we are willing to spend on it to see if we can get it working....OH is working again now until Friday afternoon, so we'll find out then! In the mean time I'm bussing/walking everywhere - the walking is helping me lose the baby weight though!

Glad you talked to your friend about her son....I'm not sure how I'd feel either knowing that the boy was being nice out of school, but not in school where peer pressure is making him nasty...Shame you can't just stop giving the boy a lift to school as then you could advise your son to ignore him and stay away from his group of friends...

Hope you can find a new PS3 for cheap soon. I'll keep an eye out on the fb selling pages and if I see anything I'll let you know. My OH is exactly the same and ends up shouting and swearing at the tv saying how rubbish the game is, but still sits there for hours on end playing it! I've banished it to the bedroom now so at least the kids don't have to hear the abuse the tv gets! lol

xx

Hi Lhead,

Eeeek sorry to hear about the car, I do hope your Dh can work some magic on it. My hubby sounds similar to yours, theres nothing he won't tackle if he can find a YouTube video on it , anything to try to save some money.

xxxx

StressedSteph

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Hi Steph


I have also had issues with my DD being bullied at school by kids that we lift share with.

My DD is a very sensitive girl and she often commented that 2 girls in her class who live in our village were picking on her. We thought girls will be girls and told her to ignore them. Then they started on her when they travelled home from school on the school bus (no teachers) and again we told her to ignore them. Luckily she only came home on the bus once a week as she had a childminder on other days.

While this was all going on the parents did lift share to Brownies once a week and sometimes the atmosphere in the car was awful.

Then one night it all kicked off big time (I had gone out for a meal with my best friend) and when DD logged into Kik (a chat app for kids) one of the girls had sent her the most awful message ever (it was littered with swear words and abusive language). My DD was really upset so DH sent a message to the girl to say that he had enough of all the bullying and would be taking it to the head teacher. The girl who's account it was said the other girl had done it using her account.
My DH told me later that he never intended to go to the head but hoped it would scare them enough to leave DD alone.

Next morning at 6.30am my phone rung and it was the mother of the girl who had used her friends account. The night before the girl who's account had been used had been so scared about the head teacher knowing she had told her mum what had been going on and the mother had then rung the other girls mother!
They had discussed the issue for half the night and both girls were grounded and were not allowed on the internet etc etc.
I admitted it had been going on for a long time but we wanted to ignore it as we thought they would grow out of it. The families were really shocked as they were quite well to do and did not use language like that.
We even got sorry cards.

The girls are much better now but there is still the odd !!!!!iness but as they are now at high school (we are two tier so they go straight to high from primary) they have found new friends and they don't have to be near each other.

It was easier for us to deal with when it was written down as there was no denying it had happened, the incidents on the bus were harder as it was one persons word against another. And like you I often wondered if DD had done something to annoy them.

Just want to send hugs to you and DS over this.

AS you say it is so difficult as a parent, I just wanted to scoop DD up and keep her away from them but on the other hand when she is an adult she will need to learn to deal with issues and so is it better to let her get on with things?

I hope this can get resolved.

By the sound of the boys mother I reckon she will be taking her own son to school. If she is a fair weather friend she won't want to deal with the hassle.

Thanks so much for your reply EE. I agree it is so much easier if you manage to get something actual written down to prove it.
Because Ds can be abit of a pickle, it seems to give the head teacher a total get out clause to just twist it back on Ds. I appreciate that sometimes he may have caused some of the problems, but not enough to justify 3-4 boys constantly picking on him :mad:.

Ds has stopped doing any after school clubs, for a combination of the nasty group of boys are football crazy and even though he enjoys football, he has decided he doesn't like it enough to cope with the hassle and that no one passes to him etc.

I have just had a chat to him about thinking about some different club (not in school) he could do. I want him to find something that he can feel good at to build his self esteem. I mentioned to him about going back to Tae-Kwon-Do. He used to be really good at that and they have a class in the local village. He didn't seem keen, i told him to have a think about it.

I get an instant impulse to move their school, but I think that will probably create more problems than it will solve. There is no point running away from it, even though I have no faith in the head teacher etc. With my background help, I think Ds has to find his own way to deal with these bullies. hopefully the books I have bought will help him.

I look back and think I got through school so easy with my little group of friends. doesn't look like its going to be such a easy ride for Ds.

So glad your dd found her way in the end, I do think the fact that their school is very small, makes life quite difficult. He doesn't have many boys to choose from and it is hard to stay out of the way of them.

Well done for getting it sorted
xxxx

clearmydebts

Happy New Year Steph! I haven't been on in a little while.

My kids are much younger but I wouldn't be putting up with that little s**t saying he won't be friends with your son in school. I'd have it out with him myself in the car. Put him on the spot and ask why he thinks it's okay to be nice to your son in the car but not in school.

I have zero tolerance for bullies. A friend of mine was bullied in school and it has affected her whole life.

eco_farmer

have to say I totally agree with that I was a sensitive soul at school and found bullying very hard to deal with. so much so I missed a whole half term in year 8. my parents never had a clue. I got through by having a brilliant head of year. who gave me a place to go when it all got to much. its effects do carry on into adulthood. I avoid confrontation at all costs it drives DW crazy and doesn't make running a business very easy!it also makes It hard to trust people. my son was bullied for a short while but with a little bit of guidance from us a furious exchange at school and a blue belt in Karate he now does ok, don't let the barstewards win


eco