Parents - what do you miss most about being childless?

Soleil_lune

daisiegg wrote: »

Maybe I should start sucking up to the potential grandparents now in view of future week-long babysitting stints

Assuming this isn't a joke. If I had to give one piece of advice, it would be; don't have a child/children on the proviso that parents/siblings/friends etc will look after them when you're in the need of a break, or want someone to have them when you're at work, or want someone to have them every weekend while you go out on the lash. If you are going to have a child, have it on the assumption that NOBODY will look after them for you. Then if someone does occasionally, it will be a bonus, and a nice treat.

I know many people who have had a baby with all these plans and assumptions that someone else will have them when it suits them. Including a friend who had a small mobile hairdressing business. She said (when she was pregnant,) she would work 3 - 4 days a week, while her mother had baby. And she can have her while her and hubby have weekends together. Drop baby off Friday, come back for baby Sunday night. When the baby was 4 weeks old, her mother died, and all her plans went t1ts up. She and her husband ended up struggling for ages. Especially financially, as they had not factored in childminding costs OR a loss of one wage. They were expecting nanny to do it all for free of course!

Another example is three different couples I know (2 who were only 19/20 when the first baby came along, and one couple in their 30s.) In the older couple, the pregnancy was not planned (well not by HIM anyway LOL.) And the other 2 couples planned the baby, but couldn't handle it when it came along (too immature.) So they ended up using the parents constantly for babysitting. With all three couples, it caused massive friction and huge rows, because they thought that the babys grandparents SHOULD be helping take care of the grandbabies. Well yes, it is only to be expected that they would help, but not look after them more than their own parents!

So all I will say is; if you're planning on using other people to have your kids while you're at work, or for when you go out with your mates once a week, or just because you fancy a weekend to yourself 2-3 times a month, then think very carefully about having a baby. People will very soon get sick to death of looking after your child. Especially when (with the grandparents,) they will have already done their fair share of babysitting for many years!

laurabllue

I'm pretty sure Daisyegg was joking...

My parents (and inlaws) have been desperate to look after our little one! I realise that we're fortunate because both sets of parents are still relatively young and have the space to look after/entertain her. I would never want them to see her as a burden but they love spending time with her and knowing that they're giving me and H a bit of a break and time together. I'd never make plans assuming that they would take her and the novelty may still wear off (especially if we have another one!) but for now I'm pretty sure they'd take her any time we needed them too!

marywooyeah

I don't miss anything about being childless - my life didn't begin until I had my wonderful son six years ago. When he was born so was I, it's like my true meaning in life was to be his mother and nothing before that mattered.

Now I'm a mummy all over ago to a beautiful baby girl and I'm thoroughly enjoying my maternity leave with her - we are so close you couldn't prise us apart

Having children was the best thing I ever did, I wouldn't change the lack of sleep, money or privacy for anything.

2gorgeousgirls

Before we had children, we went on holiday in September, and some years, February.

I miss that. We are stuck with school holidays now when the costs and the temperatures are higher.

Saying that, I couldn't now imagine my life without the girls and I'm already dreading the day when they are officially adults and off to make their own way in the world.

tazzyb

I miss sleep and having time to watch TV.

By the time I have got my toddler to sleep and caught up with house work its time for bed.

Would not change it for the world though.

TopQuark

marywooyeah wrote: »

I don't miss anything about being childless - my life didn't begin until I had my wonderful son six years ago. When he was born so was I, it's like my true meaning in life was to be his mother and nothing before that mattered.

Now I'm a mummy all over ago to a beautiful baby girl and I'm thoroughly enjoying my maternity leave with her - we are so close you couldn't prise us apart

Having children was the best thing I ever did, I wouldn't change the lack of sleep, money or privacy for anything.

We don't have kids yet but if/when we do, I honestly can't imagine ever feeling like this. I am in my early 30s and just got married in June. Up until now I have spent my life working and traveling around the world, getting my PhD and MBA, building a career, forging friendships etc. etc. To say that none of this mattered at all if I become a mother is quite horrifying to me. I would not stop being myself to be someone's mother, I just cannot imagine that. It's not as if the two are mutually exclusive after all.

If I heard any of my family or close fiends saying something like this I'd be quite upset that I meant so little to them, that all of our shared experiences were forgotten and worthless when their kids came along.

marywooyeah

TopQuark wrote: »

We don't have kids yet but if/when we do, I honestly can't imagine ever feeling like this. I am in my early 30s and just got married in June. Up until now I have spent my life working and traveling around the world, getting my PhD and MBA, building a career, forging friendships etc. etc. To say that none of this mattered at all if I become a mother is quite horrifying to me. I would not stop being myself to be someone's mother, I just cannot imagine that. It's not as if the two are mutually exclusive after all.

If I heard any of my family or close fiends saying something like this I'd be quite upset that I meant so little to them, that all of our shared experiences were forgotten and worthless when their kids came along.

It sounds like you've been very successful, you shoukd be proud of how much you have achieved. You're right to say that being yourself and being someone's mother are not mutually exclusive, its just that for me when I was younger I felt like I didn't really know who I was or what my purpose was. At times life had been very bleak ( I went through physical and sexual abuse growing up) so when I met my husband and had our son as soon as he was born I realised that my purpose was to be his mother, I finally found myself and together we both flourished.

SO I dont miss anything about being childless because prior to having children I was very unhappy, for you it sounds like children will add happiness to your already happy and successful life.

BWZN93

daisiegg wrote: »

Good god you lot are making me want to cancel the whole baby plan, crack open the vodka and buy a lifetime supply of condoms! :eek:

Hahah, me too! No one seems to be saying that the things they miss in no way compare to the joys of parenthood....

balletshoes

JoBatch80 wrote: »

Hahah, me too! No one seems to be saying that the things they miss in no way compare to the joys of parenthood....

that wasn't the question .

I love being a mum, have loved it for 13 years, and I'm sure I'll love being mum for the rest of my life. Your life really does change when you become a parent, and my life is richer for being a mum.