does it get easier??

pollypenny

Yes, OP will find out that little savings do add up.

We were astonished at a young mum on TV who was complaining that she couldn't afford to heat the house all night and the children were cold.

In the winter my sisters and I would put a old cardie on top of our pyjamas. I shared a double bed, anyway. Added warmth .

ILoveEoin

thank you all!

your all right, I am treating him too well! I feel bad because he had such an rotten childhood I would like to make it up to him but getting into debt hasn't helped. I am currently watching fred claus on tv with hubby then after it over and hopefully all warm and fuzzy with Christmas spirit I am going show him everything wrote down and see if it clicks in his head we cant keep doing this. I want enjoy my life with my wee family I don't care if it doesnt involves a lot of stuff around us and were cold because were in debt where cold because I am saving money and he can wear an jumper.

2014 is going be that year but I think hubby in for an shock because my plan for Christmas dinner is my wonderful family are getting large ham and said I can have half of it so it be ham dinner, last years crackers and after dinner will be tv, nice walk and no expensive gadgets or food, I just hope he not to disappointed in the mess I have make of everything.

meritaten

ILoveEoin wrote: »

thank you all!

your all right, I am treating him too well! I feel bad because he had such an rotten childhood I would like to make it up to him but getting into debt hasn't helped. I am currently watching fred claus on tv with hubby then after it over and hopefully all warm and fuzzy with Christmas spirit I am going show him everything wrote down and see if it clicks in his head we cant keep doing this. I want enjoy my life with my wee family I don't care if it doesnt involves a lot of stuff around us and were cold because were in debt where cold because I am saving money and he can wear an jumper.

2014 is going be that year but I think hubby in for an shock because my plan for Christmas dinner is my wonderful family are getting large ham and said I can have half of it so it be ham dinner, last years crackers and after dinner will be tv, nice walk and no expensive gadgets or food, I just hope he not to disappointed in the mess I have make of everything.

listen Love - YOU didn't make the mess on your own! it took two of you to do that! It also isn't the end of the world!
I agree with the others to do the SOA or if you can, and your debts are massive as you say - then call in a debt advisor. people can and do deal with huge debts and become debt free in less time than you may think! and still manage to eat etc while doing so.

if you want some easy cook recipes or shortcuts which save money, then I am sure that we can help you there!

good luck!

lessonlearned

ILoveEoin wrote: »

thank you all!

your all right, I am treating him too well! I feel bad because he had such an rotten childhood I would like to make it up to him but getting into debt hasn't helped.


I just hope he not to disappointed in the mess I have make of everything.

No amount of money or material goods will ever make up for a "rotten childhood". However, your love and affection will, in time, help him put his bad childhood memories behind him. Together you will build new happy memories.

Please remember that you have not made a mess of everything. It is most likely down to both of you and it will take both of you pulling together to put things right.

Do not try to assume the burden of debt clearing and simple living all by yourself. Get your DH on board.

Learning to live within your means, clear debt and build savings is something most of us have to learn. We were not born knowing how to do it. Once you have learned a few tricks it does get easier - it just takes a little practice.

Don't try to do too much too soon. Take it steadily and gently to begin with.

Don't let your new found zeal make you impatient with your DH. It might take a little while for him to get to grips with your new regime, especially if, as you say, you have tended to shield him a bit in the past. He may be blissfully unaware of how much debt you have and how things really stand.

Enjoy the festive season, have fun. You don't need to go overboard with presents, food and outings - you don't need to spend a fortune to have a good time.

You can get down to the nitty gritty in the New Year.

sonastin

Its worth remembering that food is mostly eaten for fuel not recreation. If it is edible, its good enough. Delicious is just a bonus. Better to have a go at cooking cheap and cheerful meals that might not be completely successful than to treat yourself to tasty takeaways and ready meals only to find that you've run out of cash and have nothing to eat later. You CAN cook. It might not be restaurant quality but so what - the best seasoning of all is a dash of love. And the quality usually improves with practice (but even if it doesn't, so what? My mum's never been a great cook but I've never starved and I'll happily go round to hers for dinner any day)

Also it'll get easier quicker if you get hubby on board and both bite the bullet together. If you try to dabble at money-saving techniques but then spoil him because he's unaware of the problem (or the solution), you're just prolonging the pain and the stress. Clear your debt, build your emergency fund and postpone the treats until you can afford them. But to make life liveable in the meantime, budget for small, inexpensive treats along the way. Then stick to the budget.

And as for christmas, its what you want to make of it. OH and I have been commenting this year on all the adverts for supermarkets showing tables laden with food - not one of them shows anything that makes either of us go "oh that looks delicious, I could just eat that". And the perfume ads - there was one on a moment ago where someone unwrapped a bottle of scent and I couldn't help thinking "ah, so the person who bought that couldn't think of anything to give you" - in my experience, smelly stuff often lives in the realm of I-don't-really-know-what-you-want-but-I-feel-obliged-to-buy-you-something-and-this-looks-nice-enough. If I had to have one of the christmases that I see on the TV, I think I'd move overseas to a country where christmas isn't celebrated! Give yourself the christmas you'll enjoy - which involves not giving yourself unnecessary debt to spoil the whole of next year.

DigForVictory

Yes, it does get easier - but you are paddling in circles until husband is paddling in the same direction!

You have not made a mess of anything - you've seen there are problems & sought help! Treat him gently over Christmas & start the New Year Together. He may have never looked at bank statements or bills - if you want to move into calmer water sharpish, draw up a Statement of Affairs (have a look at the Debt Free Wannabee thread?) together & then post it.

You'll get lots of opinions, advice and maybe a bit of "how on earth can you justify" - but your MSE family is essentially a loving & supportive one, even if it does get a bit rowdy sometimes!

So, sort a hot drinks, hot water bottles & sweaters & then dig out the paperwork!
All the very best

pumpkinlife

Yes, it definitely gets easier, but not without initial effort that may make you feel you are swimming through treacle. I would start small, otherwise you will become quickly overwhelmed.

Self-comparison is the enemy of this way of life; gratitude is its lifeblood. If you compare your life to those who are currently better off, or to how things 'should be', or allow those around you to make you feel cheap or somehow lessened as a human being, you will undermine your wellbeing and all of your efforts. Gratitude for what you have will build you up and keep you going. Be thankful for the things you do have, no matter how banal they may seem. Be thankful for small victories and be kind to yourself when you screw up - which you will, because we all do.

Start tackling 3 things a week - this week it could be resisting buying takeaways, learn to cook a huge batch of a frugal dish you will both enjoy and start a 'sealed pot' of loose change to help pay for next Christmas, for example. As you do these little things, you will feel less despondent and will be able to start facing the bigger issues - next week or in a few weeks it could be to sit down and write out a debt repayment plan with OH, write a meal plan, and compare/swapping energy providers for example.

The DFW board will be crucial to deal with the nitty gritty of your financial situation; they will also give you lots of ideas as to where you can economize. The oldstyle board will tell you how to actually economize at home.

With regards to getting your husband on board, yes it is essential in the long run but ultimately the only person you can change is yourself. Start changing the things that you can change, get fired up about it, don't nag or get frustrated if he is not on board just yet. Do things to improve yourself and your situation and show him he can have a great quality of life on less (I suspect learning to cook tasty frugal food will play a huge part in this...way to a man's heart and all...). I approached things much more negatively initially and it just built resistance. Nobody likes a nag.

Make sure in the midst of your prioritising, you find some things that you really enjoy about the frugal life; and throw yourself into them. There are plenty of threads on here for inspiration.

And yes, with energy prices rocketing and wages stagnant if not slipping, layering up for warmth is increasingly the norm for many people and it isn't something to be ashamed about. In a few years, when you are on a roll, you may voluntary embrace it to keep your hard earned pounds out of the mitts of grasping energy companies

mumfirst_2

Just wanted to say Hi and wish you luck.. sat here munching on my freshly made batch of flapjack it seems a long time ago but 23 years ago i could have wrote that post myself... we were living in a house so cold the ice was on the inside and you could see your breath in the air as we cuddled up fully clothed under two duvets. 21 and pregnant, i could not boil an egg and my creations ending up in the bin then spending money we didnt have on takeways was the norm. but i practiced and practiced, my first edible meal was something of a celebration. Everything we had was begged or borrowed and nothing matched, yet we still managed to get into debt trying to make ends meet.
Yes it does get easier.. it does take effort, planning, a budget and a lot of self discipline and frequent use of the word NO. There is a lot of help and support offered by the wonderful people on these forums, you are never alone.
Hopefully you will, like me, look back and be proud of what you have achieved.
Best wishes
Anna x

owl_fan

I have a draughty flat with single glazed sash windows, and my solution is to stick plastic film over the windows in the winter - it prevents the air moving in and out and prevents condensation. You can buy it cheaply in the shops. Good luck with being thrifty and learning some easy cooking. It's fun and learning to make things is great too - I knit a lot.

Also, join Freegle and get free stuff that other people don't want.

Farway

Yes it does get easier, but may take years. I remember we were in a RN married quarters, in the early 60s, the electric slot meter money ran out, so we scrabbled together our last few pennies [literally ] and went in pub over the road and nursed half pint of beer & soft drink all evening just to be warm

Now retired, kids doing well , one is self employed, other is head of English at school

So, yes it is hard initially, but never give up